Tag Archives: worry

It’s Not Up to You to “Figure it All Out”

It always seems that when a chapter of my life is soon coming to a close that it’s easy and natural for me to get caught up in the whole thinking of: What am I going to do next in my life?

It happened when I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree.  It happened when I chose to not renew my teaching contract while I was living in Korea.  And it has started happening again recently upon knowing that, in less than a year, I’ll have my Master’s degree.

The thought patterns have often gone something like this:

Where I am going to live?

If I want to move, where should I potentially move to?

What kind of work could I find there?

Should I do X or Y kind of work?

If I do X kind of work, will the salary be enough to pay bills?

What if I need a new car?

Etc. etc. etc.

The questions could go on and on forever.

While finishing a chapter in our lives can be very exciting — the end of a degree program, a job, or a relationship — it can also bring up a lot of stuff.

When a chapter of our lives ends, we then find ourselves at a crossroad.  So I turn right or left?  So I take A or B?  Or, should I not choose any of those and turn around and go right back where I was?

We now find ourselves in un-charted territory.  It’s new.  It’s unfamiliar.  We haven’t been through it before nor do we know where this new journey might take us.

And, due to the unfamiliarly, it can be pretty darn anxiety-provoking.  We fear that something will go wrong and we won’t be able to make ends meet.  We worry that we may take the job and then absolutely hate it — or the career path entirely flops for us.

As a result of this fear that, somehow, everything is going to go completely wrong, we decide that, maybe, we can just plan everything.

So we create to-do lists.  We set goals.  We create our vision boards for a dreams for the future and we make our 10-year plan.

But you know what happens then?  And I can vouch that this has happened to me every single time that I have tried to set any kind of long-term goal.

Life happens.  And the goals completely change.

Why?  Because it’s not up to me. It’s up to a power so much greater than me.

When we’re caught up in fear and worry, we start to over-analyze everything, and we try to plan and control everything in our lives, then that’s the voice of our ego, our monkey mind, our fear-based mind.

Our ego mind is limited.  It makes us see the world and the universe with lack and it believes that we are not supported.  And it drains our energy, our life-force, our power.  According to A Course in Miracles, the presence of fear is a sign that you are relying in your own strength.

So when we are in fear, worry, and stress because we’re pushing ourselves to figure out what we need to do next in our lives, all it does it create more stress, more worry, and more fear.

In the grand scheme of things, it makes us unhappy.  It keeps us in a place of suffering because it keeps us completely disconnected from our inner guidance and our true selves.  It makes us believe that we are not supported and that we only have ourselves to rely on to “figure it all out”.

But you know what?  You don’t have to figure it all out.  In fact, you’re one and only job is to let it all go.  Release the fear.  Release the worry.  Release the anxiety.  Then give those fears to a power greater than you — in whatever way you like to call it, whether that be Source, the Universe, the Divine, God or whatever.  Give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported.

FearGiveSupported

Click to Tweet: When you are fearful, give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported. @jenilyn8705 

Then once you do that, be still.  Quiet the mind.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Allow the beauty of the present moment to wash over you. Feel your body sitting.  Feel the air around you.  Hear the sounds around you in this moment.

Notice your inner mind chatter.  Observe it, but don’t attach to it.  Recognize it as fear and only fear, as the thoughts are not of your higher self, but wounded parts of yourself.  Love them and let them pass.

Continue to breathe.

And then slowly and gradually, the mind chatter will subside.  It may not completely go away, but it will become quieter.  In the stillness of the moment, trust that guidance for your next right action is coming.  It may come in the form of a thought, a feeling, a sensation, or maybe even through something in your external world, like through a friend, family member, co-worker, e-mail, magazine or whatever.

Regardless, be open and receptive.  Exhale and remember: It’s not up to you to figure it all out.

3 Things To Do When You’re Scared To Date Again

A few years ago, I went through a very challenging relationship with a guy that I was dating for only 4 months while living abroad.

This difficult relationship then left me in this state of uncertainty, disappointment, and distrust (somewhat of others, but mostly of myself).

The extremely high levels of stress and challenges from the year before, paired with a lot of culture shocks, had simply worn me down into a state of just feeling completely lost and uncertain of myself.  I didn’t have a lot of faith and trust in my own abilities.  I feared going into any kind of new relationship because I felt like, no matter how hard I’d try, I was just going to find myself in another sh**ty relationship situation.

If a new relationship opportunity arose, I’d experience a lot of worry over doing something wrong early on that would then put me on the train once again to stress, disappointment, and feeling exhausted.  I feared that my old behavior patterns were simply out of my control and that I was unable to really truly change them in the way that I would need to in order to truly be happy and to experience genuine love.

I didn’t trust myself.  I didn’t believe in my own abilities — and, most of all — I didn’t believe I deserved it.  I didn’t believe that I deserved happy, fulfilling, and loving relationships.

You see, for those of us who have been disappointed a lot in relationships so much to a point that we are scared to date again, the problem isn’t necessarily that we are scared of getting hurt again or even that we don’t have faith in our own abilities.  The problem is that we don’t believe that we are worthy.  We are blind at fully seeing the abilities of creating the love, happiness, and fulfillment that we truly desire that are buried deep within us.  We struggle to fully realize all the miraculous things that we are able to have.

So here are 3 things that we can do to break us free from this fear to open our hearts again to a new relationship:

Admit to yourself (and the universe) what you really truly want.

The problem is that when we have experience a lot of heartbreak and disappointment from our relationships, we try to convince ourselves (and the world) that we don’t really want a supportive and loving relationship.  We do this because when we acknowledge it we also have to acknowledge our pain and disappointment.  It’s easier to just ignore the whole thing and stuff those emotions deep within our being.

The reality, however, is that repressing those desires cause more pain then good.  So what we have to do admit that we really truly do want an amazing relationship filled with love.

We can acknowledge our true desires by simply writing our deepest relationships desires down in a journal.  We can also make an offering or intention.  For instance, for myself I was traveling in Japan at the time when I finally admitted to myself that I really wanted love.  So I lit a candle for love while at a temple that I was visiting.  You can do this as well on your own with a candle, incense, by leaving a flower out in nature, or whatever else that you wish.

Believe in your own abilities.

One of the biggest things is to realize that we our in control with what happens to us in our lives.  This ability to have control over our lives isn’t meant to be seen as intimidating or as something to worry about either, but as empowering.  It’s a matter of knowing that we have the power to transform our lives and manifest whatever it is that our heart’s desire if we truly believe that we can.

Of course, we have to be easy on ourselves and understand that there is always a learning curve.  We will always experience challenges along the way that will encourage us to grow, change and evolve.  But the key here is to allow ourselves to be excited and inspired by these challenges for growth rather than to be worn down.  Use the challenge as fuel for your inner fire rather than by dumping water filled with fear on it.

scared to date

Connect to your inner miracle worker.

In order to really have the love that you desire, you can do a combination of things.  For one, you can begin doing a daily affirmation every morning and night where you say out loud to yourself several times something like, “I am attracting the love that I desire into my life”,  “I am attracting the perfect partner”, or “I am unconditional love”.

Another option (which is also the one that I enjoy so much more) is to do a guided meditation where you visualize yourself connecting to love.  In the meditation, you can calm down and focus deeply on the breath.  As you breath, begin to envision yourself becoming surrounded by this comforting and loving sparkling white light, you begin to breath in the white light with each in breath, and exhale it out through your heart.  As you continue to breath, you become a part of this loving white light more and more.

Do this meditation on a daily basis in order to get re-centered and connect to the love that you desire to experience in your life.

Create the love that you desire in your life!

In the comments below, share what it is that you desire to experience in your relationships.  Deep down in your heart, what is it that would just make your heart soar?