Tag Archives: trust

It’s Not Up to You to “Figure it All Out”

It always seems that when a chapter of my life is soon coming to a close that it’s easy and natural for me to get caught up in the whole thinking of: What am I going to do next in my life?

It happened when I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree.  It happened when I chose to not renew my teaching contract while I was living in Korea.  And it has started happening again recently upon knowing that, in less than a year, I’ll have my Master’s degree.

The thought patterns have often gone something like this:

Where I am going to live?

If I want to move, where should I potentially move to?

What kind of work could I find there?

Should I do X or Y kind of work?

If I do X kind of work, will the salary be enough to pay bills?

What if I need a new car?

Etc. etc. etc.

The questions could go on and on forever.

While finishing a chapter in our lives can be very exciting — the end of a degree program, a job, or a relationship — it can also bring up a lot of stuff.

When a chapter of our lives ends, we then find ourselves at a crossroad.  So I turn right or left?  So I take A or B?  Or, should I not choose any of those and turn around and go right back where I was?

We now find ourselves in un-charted territory.  It’s new.  It’s unfamiliar.  We haven’t been through it before nor do we know where this new journey might take us.

And, due to the unfamiliarly, it can be pretty darn anxiety-provoking.  We fear that something will go wrong and we won’t be able to make ends meet.  We worry that we may take the job and then absolutely hate it — or the career path entirely flops for us.

As a result of this fear that, somehow, everything is going to go completely wrong, we decide that, maybe, we can just plan everything.

So we create to-do lists.  We set goals.  We create our vision boards for a dreams for the future and we make our 10-year plan.

But you know what happens then?  And I can vouch that this has happened to me every single time that I have tried to set any kind of long-term goal.

Life happens.  And the goals completely change.

Why?  Because it’s not up to me. It’s up to a power so much greater than me.

When we’re caught up in fear and worry, we start to over-analyze everything, and we try to plan and control everything in our lives, then that’s the voice of our ego, our monkey mind, our fear-based mind.

Our ego mind is limited.  It makes us see the world and the universe with lack and it believes that we are not supported.  And it drains our energy, our life-force, our power.  According to A Course in Miracles, the presence of fear is a sign that you are relying in your own strength.

So when we are in fear, worry, and stress because we’re pushing ourselves to figure out what we need to do next in our lives, all it does it create more stress, more worry, and more fear.

In the grand scheme of things, it makes us unhappy.  It keeps us in a place of suffering because it keeps us completely disconnected from our inner guidance and our true selves.  It makes us believe that we are not supported and that we only have ourselves to rely on to “figure it all out”.

But you know what?  You don’t have to figure it all out.  In fact, you’re one and only job is to let it all go.  Release the fear.  Release the worry.  Release the anxiety.  Then give those fears to a power greater than you — in whatever way you like to call it, whether that be Source, the Universe, the Divine, God or whatever.  Give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported.

FearGiveSupported

Click to Tweet: When you are fearful, give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported. @jenilyn8705 

Then once you do that, be still.  Quiet the mind.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Allow the beauty of the present moment to wash over you. Feel your body sitting.  Feel the air around you.  Hear the sounds around you in this moment.

Notice your inner mind chatter.  Observe it, but don’t attach to it.  Recognize it as fear and only fear, as the thoughts are not of your higher self, but wounded parts of yourself.  Love them and let them pass.

Continue to breathe.

And then slowly and gradually, the mind chatter will subside.  It may not completely go away, but it will become quieter.  In the stillness of the moment, trust that guidance for your next right action is coming.  It may come in the form of a thought, a feeling, a sensation, or maybe even through something in your external world, like through a friend, family member, co-worker, e-mail, magazine or whatever.

Regardless, be open and receptive.  Exhale and remember: It’s not up to you to figure it all out.

I Was Homeless for Two Weeks. This is What I Realized

It was summer 2010 and the end of my lease was quickly approaching for the college apartment I had been living in for a year.  We had to be completely moved out by Friday, but I had to be in the next state over, in Iowa, for a conference as a part of an internship by the Wednesday prior.

Despite my many attempts to find a new apartment to live in for the next chapter of my life, I wasn’t able to find one that was available at the right time.  I managed to get a new apartment lined up, but the problem was that it wouldn’t be available for move-in until another two weeks.

This meant I had two weeks of, essentially, no place to live. 

The weekend before my lease was up, family came by and took some of my bigger essentials for the time being — my recliner, bed, dressers, and so on to put into storage for a while.  However, I still had many other essentials that I needed for another few days before it was time for me to head out, which included many kitchen belongings to cook and eat, along with bath stuff .  You know, the “little stuff”.

So on the day before I had to be completely moved out of my apartment I started picking up all the “little stuff” into my car.  Clothes.  Towels.  Kitchenware.  Soaps.  Extra food and drinks.  All piled into my car to the maximum capacity that my car could hold.

And once I had it all packed up, I started driving to Iowa for the conference for a few days.  The next two weeks involved driving around the Midwest and meeting with friends old and new.

You’d think that maybe I’d feel stressed or overwhelmed knowing I didn’t have a place to live, but, instead, I felt liberated, powerful, and free.  In that moment I had let go of the need to have “security” in my life and, instead decided to live in the moment.  I felt like the world was at my fingertips and I could go wherever I wanted to and be whoever I wanted to be.

It was that experience that allowed me to realize that the world is not in control of my life — I am in control of my life.  Not apartment leases.  Not university requirements.  Not the boyfriend, family or whoever.  Just me. 

At that time in my life it was time for me to be looking for jobs and to start settling down, but during my two weeks of being homeless I realized that it wasn’t the right time for me.  It was not time for me to get a regular 40-hour a week salary job with benefits.  It was not time for me to get married, buy a house, or have 2.5 kids.

I was meant to do more than that.  

In fact, we are all mean to do more than just simply that.

It can be easy to get caught up in what society expects of us: the job, the relationship, the house.  We check the boxes off the list thinking that maybe if we do all these things that we’re expected to do, then it’s going to make us happy.  It’s going to give us security and, therefore, make us joyful by keeping society and others happy.

But the problem is that it doesn’t work that way.  We can’t just plan on pleasing everyone else and expect to be happy, fulfilled, energized, and joyful.

Why?  Because it’s not realistic. 

When we’re so focused on pleasing others in hopes to avoid being criticized or rejected, that’s when we ignore ourselves — and the most important relationship that we have in this world is the one that we have with ourselves.

By ignoring and repressing our feelings, intuition, and inner guidance, we become drained.  That’s when we get stressed out and overwhelmed.  We can then feel disconnected and as if we’ve “lost” ourselves.

But the fortunate thing is that we don’t have to live this way.

We can change.  We can become better.  We can step into our power and fully and completely shine we just have to be willing to do the work.

This is where I am so incredibly excited to introduce to you my brand new 5-week course, Your Power: How to Harness Your Energy So You Can Fully Shine.  The course will help you transform you from the inside out so that you can create a solid foundation for you to fully step into your true power.

YourPower_Banner

This course is great for you if you’re ready to…

… step up

… restructure your lifestyle

… live a miraculous life

This course isn’t for you if…

… you don’t like to make commitments

… you’re not really sure what you want

… you’re not into personal growth, self-help, or spirituality

Upon taking the Your Power 5-week course you will:

  • Feel lighter, calmer, and more balanced
  • Learn how to focus your energy on things that truly serve you!
  • Experience a zest and love for life again!
  • Feel more in control and empowered in your life
  • Develop a solid foundation so that you can you can shine your light in the world

Learn more!

In the Your Power 5-week course, we will cover:

Week 1: How to Shift Your Mindset for Love and Miracles

  • How our internal focus can impact how we experience the world
  • What mindsets hinder our energy and which can manifest miracles

Week 2:  How to Restructure Your Lifestyle So You Can Thrive

  • How our lifestyle habits can be either draining or energizing
  • A lifestyle audit over 5 main areas of our lives

Week 3: How to Let Go of What’s Not Serving You

  • Letting go of habits that are not supporting us in our power
  • Shifting mindsets to improve our relationships

Week 4: How to Lovingly Care For Your Body

  • How what we eat effects our energy
  • Ways to find a diet that truly supports you

Week 5: How to Allow Yourself to Truly Shine

  • Tools for getting out of a "funk"
  • Key tools to fully step into our power and truly shine

In addition, you will receive two bonuses:

  • How to Let Gossip Out & Let Light In, featuring the founder of Lightworker Nation, Vicky auf der Maur
  • Two Kundalini Meditations to help you get out of a "funk" and find inner peace

With the Your Power 5-week course, you will receive:

  • 5 Video modules + 2 bonus videos totalling over 3 hours of material
  • 3 Guided meditations to help you harness your energy and truly shine
  • Worksheets to help you process the material and set practical intentions for yourself
  • 2 Group coaching calls
  • Access to my private members-only blog posts
  • Lifetime access!

This complete 5-week course is valued at $900

However, because I really want you to learn how to be in your power at an affordable price, I'm offering the complete Your Power, 5-week course for a Early-Bird discount of $20 off. So from now through Friday you can get the Your Power, 5-week course for only $227 .

Are you ready to harness your power?  Click below to purchase and get started!

Your Power, 5-week course

One Payment of $247

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** Early-bird discount valid until 11:59 PDT Friday, April 15th **


“Jennifer’s insightful, thought-provoking articles never fail to inspire. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to share her writing on Tiny Buddha, as I know it’s been helpful to readers!”

– Lori Deschene, Founder of TinyBuddha.com

“Jennifer is smart, intuitive and has a sharp ability to cut straight to what shifts needs to take place to live a more authentic and spirit-centered life.”

– Jackie Johansen, Writing Coach, California

Need Guidance? Ask the Universe for a Sign

Earlier this year I was caught up in the midst of apartment hunting. 

Though looking for a new place to live can certainly be exciting, trying to find a place to rent in the San Francisco Bay Area is hardly an enjoyable process.

For a good month or so, I was apartment hunting as if it were my full-time job.  Waking up each morning to call and e-mail places listed on Craigslist, followed my aggressively visiting open houses in order to send in applications to any good apartments with the right price ASAP.

It was a lot of work and very exhausting.  After putting in some applications that fell through and visiting some apartments that were definitely not a place I’d want to live, I found myself getting really discouraged.  I wondered if I’ll ever find a place to live that is “just right”.  I wondered if I should give up and stick with my current not-so-great living situation.

Around that same time, I watched a mentor of mine give a local talk.  In that talk she spoke about her process of house hunting and the challenges she went through.  In her own period of discouragement, she asked a friend for guidance. 

Her friend told her to ask the universe for a sign.  To ask for something to emerge in her life to help show her and guide her in her process of house hunting.  In her case, she chose for that sign to be an owl.

And so in the process of house hunting, she looked for owls and, ultimately, seeing owls helped guide her to the right place to purchase.

Hearing this, I sat down and contemplated what my sign could be.  After meditating on it for a bit, I chose the dove.

So, starting that very day I found myself looking around for doves at every apartment I looked at.  If there were no doves to be seen, I found myself up and ready to head out the door to look someplace else.

After several days of seeing no doves, I went to see one apartment with my boyfriend.  As we walked around the apartment complex waiting for the lady at the front desk to get back from lunch, my boyfriend said, “Oh hey look at those doves!” 

I turned my head and sure enough there was a dove in a tree nearby.  My boyfriend had no idea about the whole dove thing — he probably would’ve thought I was nuts at the time — but, irregardless, knowing that there were some doves around made me a little more optimistic about this whole apartment hunting thing.

Despite seeing doves at this particular apartment complex, the landlord never showed up for our scheduled appointment.  I was very disappointed due to the good deal it would have been, but the landlord’s lack of organization gave enough of a bad vibe to put that apartment on my definite “no” list. 

So the hunt continued…

A week or so later as I was visiting apartments I felt like I was getting towards the end of my hunt.  I had put forth so much energy in searching that I wasn’t sure if I had much more energy to keep looking.  But, that day I continued to search in hopes that something will stick.

So I drove up to the apartment complex and went into the office to discuss the apartments available.  We went up and checked out an apartment and as we were walking back someone said, “Hey look — there’s a dove!” 

I turned my head to look but, unfortunately, I didn’t see it.  It had already flown away.

That’s the funny thing about signs — even though we’ve asked for them, we don’t always see them.  Signs from the universe don’t just come through our own individual sight, but it also comes through others.  They can come through based on what other people saw or a statement that someone said.

Though we can ask for signs for guidance, signs aren’t always as clear as we’d like them to be.  Sometimes we see that dove or owl in a place that we are not meant to be.  Or the place that we are meant to be at don’t have any doves or owls in them.

When we ask the universe for a sign, the guidance that comes through with it isn’t as plain as: sign = “yes” and no sign = “no”.  It’s more complicated than that.

To receive clear universal guidance, there has to be an element of faith.  We have to be willing to trust that we are supported and that we are being guided.  We have to be willing to let go of any fear that is hindering us from seeing our opportunities clearly.

To release fear and to be open to the possibilities is to be open to love. 

By being open to love, we give ourselves the ability to receive clear guidance internally.  We are then able to get an intuitive sense of what feels like the right direction to take and what isn’t.

ClearGuidance

Click to Tweet: When we release our fear and open up to a mindset of love, we give ourselves the ability to receive clear guidance. via @jenilyn8705

If we are willing to release our fear then we are able to receive clear intuitive guidance in a way that it doesn’t matter if the dove shows up or not.  We’re able to simply trust and know which is the right choice.

So if you’re in need of guidance, ask for a sign, set the intention to release your fears and then trust that you will be guided.  Then all you have to do is go through the motions.  Take action and have faith that it will work out.

As for me… I saw no other doves until the day I drove up with my car filled up with my plants and a U-Haul on the way.  I sat in the office to get apartment keys and go over signing the lease. 

As I sat in the office, I looked over to the deck of my new apartment.  There were two doves sitting on the deck railing.  I smiled… realizing they were there all along — I just had to open my eyes to see them.

Reflections from My Weekend in NYC with Gabrielle Bernstein

Last weekend I went to New York City for the very first time to attend Gabrielle Bernstein’s second Spirit Junkie Masterclass Level 1.

I heard of Gabby’s masterclass when she first started it last year, but I told myself “Eh not this year” because I had already done Marie Forleo’s B-School that year and I just didn’t have the money to go.

When this new year started, I hadn’t even thought of it until I went to one of Gabby’s talks this past February in San Francisco. It was during that talk that she casually mentioned her masterclass in response to someone’s question. When I heard it, I felt a strong pull to sign up this year. Something in my heart, some little voice kept coming up and saying “go”.

I didn’t know how I’d get there at the time, but I knew I had to go so I just trusted and figured “if it’s meant to happen, some things will fall into place so that it can happen”.

Lesson #1: When you’re truly following your inner guidance and in-line with where you are truly meant to be, then things will fall into place naturally.

We don’t have to push it or try to force it to happen. It flows easily and effortlessly.

So there are a few things that happened…

For starters, around the time of that talk I was hired for as a counselor at a job where I could get hours as part of earning my masters degree in counseling psychology. And — unlike most people who are trying to get their hours in prior to graduation — I managed to get hired for a paid position. So more income? Check!

The next month I started doing the work to file my taxes. After adding in all of my income, deductions, etc. etc. etc. it turned out that I somehow managed to get a pretty darn good tax refund (probably the best I’ve had in my life… ever). So a decent sized check with more money that didn’t involve me doing any extra work? Check!

Then, to top it all off, in those next few months I had an increase in the amount of coaching clients. Woo hoo! Check!

So, because I managed to somehow get this extra amount of money that I wasn’t necessarily planning on I then flew from coast to coast to New York City (for the very first time) to attend Gabby’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass.

Overall, the class was nothing short of, simply, remarkable and there are not very many words that I can use to fully describe it. In fact, everyone that has asked me so far how the masterclass was, I have such a hard time trying to explain it. Words really just don’t do it any justice… honestly.

Anyway — at the masterclass, I was able to meet many different people (mostly women, with a few guys) from all around the world.

After the Saturday I was so excited about being in NYC that I decided I was going to go all about the city and explore and see as much as I possibly could.

After Sunday (our last day), on the other hand, I actually found myself overcome by this feeling of sadness. Though I visited with several ladies at the class and even afterwards at the hotel, I was overcome by this feeling of being alone and supported.

Lesson #2: Just because you think you may have healed something fully because the issue no longer exists in our current life, it doesn’t mean that it is completely 100% healed.

The wound may still be lingering deep within our psyche, where it may be unconscious to us most of the time.

I didn’t realize it as it was happening but in hindsight I realized that these emotions were perfectly correlated to a few dreams I had in the past few months. In the last few months I had some dreams come up where I was younger and back in school and feeling very left out and unsupported by classmates.

I wasn’t sure why this was coming up or what it meant at the time, but my sudden feeling of sadness and feeling unsupported after the class made me realize that these emotions came from that unconscious part of myself. It seemed that these wounds, that were buried deep into the unconscious of my psyche and only came up in my dreams occasionally, had now completely surfaced in my conscious mind.

And boy did they hit hard.

So what did I do? Well, I did the best thing and, really, only thing I could do…

I felt them. Fully and completely.

Lesson #3: In order to heal it, you have to really let yourself feel it.

As Gabby’s coach, Rha Goddess who gave a keynote at the masterclass says, “Feeling a feeling for 90 second can transform it”. So I let myself really feel it. After all, I didn’t cry during the masterclass at all, which was a little odd cause it seemed that everybody cried at some point or another. So I gave myself the time and space at this time to really feel it.

After I gave myself to really feel and process those feelings alone in my hotel room, it seemed that something cracked open. I started writing in this new notebook that I brought. In the process of writing, it appeared that something completely new was coming out on the page.

What emerged on the page was new, unique, and… the true message of all my work at its very core. My inner guide that I was not fully connected with completely emerged on that page. And it gave me all I needed to know about where to focus in my teaching, coaching, and writing.

I felt energized, aligned and oh-so-excited to start sharing this message with others.

Which leads me to my last and final lesson…

Lesson #4: When you are able to recognize your fear as only fear and you let yourself really feel that fear, your true self begins to shine.

TrueSelfShine

Click to Tweet: When you are able to recognize your fear as only fear & you let yourself feel that fear, your true self begins to shine. via @jenilyn8705

Let yourself really feel it, my friends — and I mean really feel it. Recognize the fear, feel it, and then allow your true self to emerge… it’s waiting.

Much love,

Jennifer

5 Steps To Forgiveness

Forgiveness.  It is one of those things that can sound so challenging and difficult to do, yet not doing it can be detrimental our growth and overall well-being.  When we don’t forgive and hold on to bitter resentments, we can find ourselves feeling stressed, miserable, angry, or sad for years after an event happened.

Maybe it’s that ex boyfriend who seemed to always take more from you then give.  Or maybe it’s that friend who rarely told the truth.  Or — maybe — the person you’re struggling to forgive is yourself — for doing something that hurt someone else.

Regardless of who it is that we need to forgive, the act of forgiving is equally beneficial.  When we forgive, we free ourselves and others from the binds of pain and hurt and open ourselves to true healing and love.  Through the power of forgiveness, we open ourselves to the a new way of being, which allows us to attract and create more loving relationships in our lives.

Here are the 5 steps to forgiveness:

#1 – Identify why you have been struggling to forgive.

Have you been making yourself the victim?  Have you been putting the other person up on a pedestal?  Have you been putting yourself down?  Have you been putting yourself up on a pedestal?  Have you been feeling guilty for the things that had happened in a past relationship?  Have you been blaming the other person?

#2 – Be willing to forgive.

Though we often see forgiveness as a challenging task to do, the reality is that, really, the most important thing that we need to do is to be willing to forgive.  When there is a willingness for a change to occur then it is much more likely to happen.  If we are holding on to our past hurts and unwilling to forgive for whatever reason, then we will continue to find ourselves stuck in a place of suffering.

#3 – Release it.

Once you have identified why you struggle to forgive and have a willingness to forgive, the only thing you have to do is to simply let it go — just like that popular song from “Frozen”.  Release it to the universe.

#4 – Trust that healing will occur.

Once we release it, we may find ourselves going into a bit of a panic in our minds.  We may start having thoughts of “What if this doesn’t work?” “How is this going to work?” or “But I don’t feel any different!”  These are merely fear-based thoughts created from our ego, which is the cause of our struggle to experience happiness, joy and love to begin with.  So trust and have faith that a shift will happen.

#5 – Be open for healing.

Once we are in a place of trusting that a shift in our perception will happen, we must be open to receive.  What I mean by this is to be an observer.  Pay close attention to the things that come up for you in your day to day life.  Make note of the people you see, the things that people say, the songs you hear on the radio, the ideas that pop up in your mind, how you feel emotionally throughout your day and so on.  By being an observer of ourselves and our own experience, we are able to be aware when healing does occur.

So if you are in place where you need to forgive someone or yourself, go through these steps.  These guidelines are not meant to be a “do it one time only and everything changes”.  Rather, it’s something that we may need to do every day or a couple times a day for several days or a week or so before we can begin to notice ourselves feeling lighter, happier, and more free.

Be committed to this process of forgiveness. It is by being committed that we will be able to truly forgive and create relationships and a life filled with love.

CommitToForgiveness

Click to Tweet: Being committed to practicing forgiveness is key to creating relationships and a life filled with love. via @jenilyn8705

Take action now!

In the comments below, we’re going to do Step #1.  So, share why you have been struggling to forgive either someone or yourself.

5 Steps to Manifest New Love in Your Life

With this new year just starting out, many of us are looking for ways in how to improve our level of happiness and fulfillment from last year to this year.

If you’re single, you may be asking yourself: What do I need to do to a new romantic partner this year?  On the other hand, if you’re already in a relationship, you may be asking yourself: What can I do to deepen my relationship in a way so that I can experience more love?

Regardless if you’re in a relationship or not, these 5 steps to manifest new love in your life will be beneficial to you.  Here are the 5 steps:

#1  Release past resentments.

Are you holding any grudges towards your current partner or a past one?  Are you still disappointed over some actions made?  Are you still bitter in any way?  If so, give yourself the intention to let it go.

Once you’ve recognized any past resentments that you have been holding on to.  Make the conscious effort to forgive.  Sit quietly and do a short guided visualization where you send the person some light and love.  Do this periodically until you feel that there are little to no “hard feelings” left.

#2 Do loving things for you.

Is there something that you’ve been needing lately that you’ve been putting off cause you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself “I don’t deserve it?”  For example: Have you known that you need to go to the dentist but you’ve been putting it off forever?  Have you realized that you need to make a diet or lifestyle change but you keep shoving it in the back of your mind?  Have you been feeling like you’ve been needing some support from a therapist or coach but you’ve been putting it off for months?

Whatever it is, make plans to do it!  We can’t experience our highest level of fulfillment of love in our relationships with others until we have chosen to love ourselves 100%.  Know that you deserve it — and make it happen!

LoveOurselves100

Click to Tweet: We can’t experience our highest level of fulfillment of love in our relationships with others until we love ourselves 100%. @jenilyn8705

#3  Have fun!

When we are having fun and enjoy the things we do, we not only make ourselves feel better but we also brighten other people’s day as well.  And, as a result, we end up attracting more people to us!

So do the things that you love to do.  Do things that brighten up your being.  Do things that give you joy.  Even if it is just the little things like going to a cafe that you really enjoy or dancing more because it makes you feel alive.  Find ways to more enjoy your life and then do it!

#4  Take moments to connect to and visualize what you really want to experience.

What kind of partner do you want to have in your life?  What is it that you want to feel while in your relationship?  Whatever it is that you want to experience, close your eyes and take the time visualize it in your mind’s eye for short periods of time throughout your day.

That being said, if you are not completely sure as to what kind of partner you’d like or how you’d want to feel, this simple meditation can certainly do the trick:  Close your eyes and take deep breaths.  In your mind’s eye visualize your partner or your future partner and yourself.  Visualize this person coming from a distance as a bright being of light.  As this person comes closer to you, you recognize that you yourself are a strong being of bright light as well.  When this person comes close to you you realize that you are both two whole beings.  Complete in yourselves and equal to one another.  There is a mutual sense of balance, love, and light between the two of you.

Do this meditation periodically.  It is meant to help you enter into any of your romantic encounters with a sense of equality, strength, and genuine love, which has a tendency to become hindered and distorted by our egos.

#5  Trust and believe that it will happen!

When we don’t trust and believe in what we can create for ourselves, this is when we tend to experience emotions like worry and anxiety.  Try to be mindful and aware whenever these emotions come up.  If you feel doubt and, hence, a sense of worry come in then simply be aware of it.  Don’t try to ignore it or push it away.  Just let it be.  Then focus on trusting and believing that it will and can happen for you!

Many of us tend to self-sabotage ourselves with our own doubt.  We get a good momentum going but our ego comes in and fills us with doubt, which then stops us in our tracks.

When we focus and put more energy and attention into what we truly desire to manifest, then we increase the chances of it actually happening.  So trust, believe, and, of course, be patient.

Take action now!

What past resentments do you still need to let go and heal from?  What actions can you take or plans that you can make to better love yourself?  How can you start having more fun in your life today?  Share your answers in the comments below!

How to Know When to Say I Love You

For several weeks — possibly even over a month — I had been debating about doing the one thing that take any new relationship to the next level: When to say I love you.

I can’t remember exactly when the thought first crossed my mind to say those words to my current boyfriend.  However, I noticed that whenever I saw him after being apart for several days or after he did something incredibly sweet or supportive, the words would almost pour out of me.  I feared that one day I would accidentally say it — surprising both myself and him.

The whole process of saying “I love you” was a bit different in this relationship in that in my past relationships normally the guy dropped the L-bomb shortly after I began thinking about saying it.  I had never found myself caught up in this inner debate with myself as to when to say I love you.  In the past, the guys were always the bold and vulnerable ones… I just followed their lead.

This time though, I found myself waiting and waiting and waiting… but he would just never say it.  As a result,  I found myself doing the silly thing that most young people do nowadays when they are bounded by fear at the thought of saying those three words: I went to google for advice.

I read article after article with all kinds of theories and ideas on the topic.  Some people proclaiming how women should never be the first to say it because it can sound needy, while others saying that men shouldn’t be the first to say it either because it might freak the woman out.  Others were giving statistics on how most guys say it at 3 months and how women often wait until the 4 or 5 month mark.

After a searching google for advice for days and (admittedly) weeks, I found myself a bit overwhelmed and all this online advice to be, well, just flat out silly.

You see, all these articles and google searching was only doing one thing for me: It was keeping me in a state of fear.  All this did was waste my time and put more energy into my own fear of being vulnerable.  This fear of him not reciprocating was only keeping my heart closed and preventing me from really speaking my truth and allowing myself and the relationship to move forward.

This is what many of us do when it comes to doing anything that requires some vulnerability in our relationships.  Whether it be saying “I love you”, asking whether to move in together, or proposing marriage.  There is often that period where we get caught up in fear.  We start second guessing and asking ourselves things like “How will the other person react?”, “Will they reciprocate?”, “Will this help the relationship move forward or will it move it backwards?”

This fear disconnects us from the truth that is within our heart.  It makes us uncertain as to how and when we should proceed.  It can make us hesitant as to when and how it would be a good time to say what we want to say.

So what should we do when we find ourselves caught up in fear of being vulnerable?  How can we clear out the fear so that we can truly know with confidence that it is the right time to say “I love you”?

Be still.

For starters, its important to take some time to be still and simply breathe.  When we get all caught up in fear of being vulnerable the mind can begin to overact.  When the mind is on overdrive, it can be hard to really tap into what we feel in our heart.

So take some time for a day or several days to meditate for 15 minutes.  Focus on the breath and allow yourself to become calm over hearing the nature sounds or meditative music.  If sitting still doesn’t quite work for you, then it can also be beneficial to go for a walk or do some kind of exercise.  Getting into your body by doing some kind of movement can help calm the mind down so you can really know when your heart and intuition is guiding you to do.

Know that it’s not the end of the world if it is not reciprocated.

Realistically, who doesn’t like to hear that someone loves them?  Chances are that whether it is reciprocated or not, your partner is still going to feel flattered.  And yes, if the other person doesn’t reciprocate it is going to suck for a while (trust me, I know), but it isn’t the end of the world.

Yes it hurts and it will hurt for a while, but it doesn’t mean that you won’t survive it.  You’ll get through it.  It may not always create the most comfortable situation, but by expressing your true feelings it does open the door for more opportunity and personal growth to happen — both for yourself and the other person.

Follow your heart.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, only one thing truly matters: The truth of your heart that wishes to be expressed.  If you can really truly feel it in your heart that you love the person, then say it.  Life is too short to live bounded by fear.  People deserve to know that they are loved, appreciated, respected, and supported — whether they are really truly open and receptive to hear it and accept it or not.

So how can we really know when it’s the time to say “I love you” when we are centered and feel that it is true in our heart — not when we know 10 of our partner’s hobbies or immediately once you hit the 6 month mark.  Ditch the rules, ditch the statistics, ditch the fear… just take a moment to stop and get centered and look within your heart.  If the calling is there, then follow it.

SayILoveYou

Take action now!

Stop what you are doing right now and allow yourself to get centered.  Sit up straight in your seat, focus on your breath, and focus on how you feel in your body.  Allow yourself to relax and be calm.

Once you feel calm and centered, ask yourself the question that you have been contemplating lately.  It may be whether to tell your partner “I love you”, whether to ask them to move in together, whether you want to propose, or whatever.

When you ask yourself the question, focus on your heart center.  Do you feel expanded and open open when you say it?  Does it feel like there is a sense of release when you think about doing it?  Then go ahead and do it! 🙂

How to Know If Your Intuition is Telling You “Yes” or “No”

Intuition.  It’s that subtle vibe, that gut feeling, that little voice that helps to guide us through life so that we, hopefully, find ourselves in the place where we can function at our highest good.  It can help us to avoid jobs that we hate, stressful relationships, car accidents, unhelpful doctors, and to even avoid buying things that we simply don’t need.

For some of us, trusting our intuition is relatively easy while for others it is much more difficult.  Yet, regardless of where we are on the spectrum, we have all struggled in trusting our intuition at some point or another.

And it always seems harder to know what our intuition is telling us when a very crucial decision needs to be made — that life-changing job offer, the big move across the country or to another country, or to take that next step in your relationship.

The reason why it is so difficult to know what our intuition is telling us when we have such critical decisions is because there’s a lot more fear involved.  We have more anxiety about making the wrong decision — and our minds can tend to go on overdrive to the point that we overanalyze and can become paralyzed in making the decision.

But, regardless of how crucial the the decision is — regardless of how much fear and worry you have in the decision — your intuition is still there giving you subtle signs over what you should do.

So how can you know?  Here’s some tips:

 

Now, in case you can’t or didn’t watch the video here’s a recap:

The key in really know what your intuition is telling you is to tone down your thinking mind.  Slow down, draw you attention from your mind and draw your attention more into the body.

So now when you think of one the options that you have, notice how you feel in your body when you think about it.  Do you feel constricted?  Suffocated?  Limited?  Frustrated?  Irritated?  Closed-off?  If so, then you’re intuition is telling you a big NO.

Now, if you think of one of your options and you feel expanded, excited, opened, limitless, joyful, and happy — then your intuition is telling you a big YES.

These differences can be very subtle so if we continue to second guess ourselves then it’s likely that it will be harder and harder to know what our intuition is telling us.

So I’m going to tell you one of the things that many of my teachers growing up always told me whenever it was time to take a multiple choice test:  Never erase the first guess to your answer unless you are absolutely sure that it is wrong.  Because the majority of the time, our first guess is going to be the right one.

Here’s the reason I’m telling you this: Because from what I’ve learned in my own personal experience, 9 times out of 10 my very initial split second thought, feeling, or reaction is my intuition shining through.  Intuition hardly ever (actually, probably closer to never) emerges after analyzing it for 3 days.

Intuition emerges in that split second — and it can pass so fast that sometimes it’s hard to catch it.  It shines through in a moment where there is no fearful thought there to block it.

Share your own personal story about following your intuition!

And so, in the comments below I want you to share a time where you followed your intuition?  What was the outcome?  How was your experience?  Did you trust it right away or did you debate it for a while?

OR you can share a time when you didn’t follow your intuition?  What was the outcome?  What was more challenging about it?  How did you feel?

The Single Biggest Mindset Shift To Lead You to Personal Empowerment

I have a of a story for you.

A few years back while I was studying for my undergrad I went through a pretty rough patch. I was going through a break-up that wasn’t ending and finishing as quickly and smoothly as it should have, which left me pretty depressed and feeling used and hopeless.  To make matters worse, I also began to experience roommate issues and some drama with other classmates.

For nearly a year, I felt like the universe was attacking me and I just wasn’t getting a break. I sought out advice from other friends but I felt even more frustrated. I felt that they didn’t really understand me. I went to a therapist… actually, I tried out several different therapists – and I never felt any of them told me exactly what I truly needed to hear… just a bunch of bogus “you should do this” jibber jabber.

I was very frustrated and didn’t feel supported at all. During that time I was talking to a friend and I made the comment that I felt like nobody could actually give me better advice and guidance than what I could give myself. This person said that was pretty arrogant to say. Needless to say, this comment caused me to shut down EVEN MORE. The result was that now NOT ONLY did I feel misunderstood by everyone around me (including professionals who I went to for help) but I also felt like I shouldn’t even listen to and take my own advice and guidance.

Looking back on this now, I can perfectly see why I eventually felt like I “lost” myself in this process of becoming an adult. I mean, come on, someone just told me NOT to listen to myself because it’s “arrogant”.

Well, I’m here to say today with absolutely no doubt that it is NOT arrogant to not listen to other people and listen to your own inner guidance. We ourselves know so much more about ourselves than ANYONE else can. This is not to say that we should never take anyone else’s advice or go to them for advice. However, rather than simply hand over all of your own inner power to someone else and completely take all of their advice without question, when someone gives us advice we should ask ourselves “How do I feel about this? Do I feel this is the best decision for me?” then ask yourself “If I were best friends with myself, what would I tell myself in this situation?” and then compare and weigh the suggestions.

The truth is that even though everyone is doing the best they can based on where they are in their own development, people can only help you to the degree in which they’ve helped themselves. And even then, you are NOT the same person. We are all very unique individuals with different strengths, weaknesses, needs, wants, dreams, talents, and purpose. We all have our own individual things to learn and work on. Even though one method may work for one person does NOT mean it works for everyone. The challenge is deciding and discovering what works best for YOU.

Personal Empowerment

That’s Tweetable! Click to Tweet: “It is NOT arrogant to not listen to other people and trust my own inner guidance. I’m competent in knowing what I need!” @jenilyn8705

THAT, my friends, is the single big mindset shift to lead you towards personal empowerment. You yourself are in control of your life. You yourself are 100% competent in knowing what it is that you should do or what you should work on at this point in your life. Nobody else can do that for you. Everyone else is here to help give you suggestions, support you, and give you some guidance along the way.

Take Action to Feel Empowered Today!

Think of a situation that you are struggling with right now. If you were a friend to yourself, what advice would you give yourself in this situation? What types of things do you feel, deep down, you need to work through to help you in your journey? It may be to start a new routine for yourself, finding a different professional to help you, or starting a new project.

What do YOU want to start doing for yourself?  Share your thoughts, stories, questions, or comments below!