Tag Archives: true self

7 Ways to Harness Your Energy So You Can Truly Shine

Deep down in our core we know we are meant to shine. We know that we are meant to live lives of joy, happiness, and love. However, the problem is that there are many aspects of our lives that don’t support us in that.

We get caught up in the negativity, stress and pessimism of the world, which stresses us out and holds us back from being who we are truly meant to be.

But we don’t have to be stuck in this. We all have the power to transform our lives so we can truly be who we are and experience our true power in the world. Here are 7 ways to harness your energy so you can truly shine:

#1 – Free yourself of negativity

Are you around people who are often negative? Do you tend to often be negative about things?

Being negative lowers our energy. It is an aspect of our ego mind and, therefore, disconnects us from our true selves. So become aware of when negativity comes up in your life and when you notice it, stop and change the subject or exhale to bring yourself into the present moment.

#2 – Process fear by writing it out

When we’re experiencing thoughts of “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not worthy” or “I don’t deserve this” it is our ego mind talking to prevent us from truly steeping into our true power. While we may want to immediately dismiss these thoughts and try to push them away, that can create more stress and strain within us.

So we need to be sure to process these thoughts by externalizing them somehow. A great way to do this is through journaling. By writing these thoughts and feelings on to paper, they become weaker. As a result, we are better able to then tune into our true inner voice.

So when you notice fear-based thoughts coming up, get out a journal and start free writing the thoughts. Don’t stop to think about the thoughts and feelings but just write it out. Do that until you feel complete. Afterwards you should feel calmer and more relaxed.

#3 – Feel happiness, joy, and love right now

Our ego mind tends to think that “If we get X, Y, Z, then I will be happy at some time in the future”. This is nothing but a distortion of the reality. The only place that we can experience feelings of happiness and joy is through the present moment.

So the key in finding happiness is by doing things right now to support you in feeling the way you want to feel. Do activities in your life to support those feelings of happiness. Does playing music bring you joy? Then play music. Does dancing bring you joy? Then dance.

#4 – Be appreciative for what you have

By being grateful, it takes us out of the negative thinking of our ego, and into a mindset of our true selves. It also brings us back into the present moment. So find things that you are grateful for in your day to day life — even in the aspects of your life you may not be so pleased about right now.

#5 – Steer clear of gossip

Gossip often tends to have a judgmental and critical energy behind it. It tends to focus on how someone is “bad” or “wrong” and how another person is “good”. This is merely a distortion from our ego and it drains us of our true power.

#6 – Live with the intention to serve others

At the core of our true selves, we know that we are meant to serve others because at our core we know that we are all intricately connected. When one person suffers, we all suffer. Our ego is what makes us think that it’s all about “me”.

ServeOthers

Click to Tweet: At our core, we know that we are meant to serve others because at our core we know that we are all intricately connected. @jenilyn8705

#7 – Create a morning routine

How we start our mornings sets the foundation for the rest of the day. So if we start our morning with chaos, then our day is going to be chaos.

So start your mornings with activities that bring you feelings of peace, joy and happiness. Maybe that is journaling with a cup of warm honey and lemon water. Maybe that involves taking a morning walk with your dog. Or maybe that involves reading an inspirational book.

Are you ready to truly shine? Check out my 5-week course, Your Power: How to Harness Your Energy So You Can Truly Shine.

I have a new free ebook called, 3 Self-Care Tools to Make You Truly Shine, grab your copy as my gift to you! 

Why We All Need a Creative Outlet

The other day I got to talking with a client about writing.

She used to write several years ago and was even published in a magazine, but stopped because she, basically, got all caught up in working her full-time job and, well, living life. Currently, she has been feeling the urge to start writing again, but has been really struggling to get started.

Needless to say, I could definitely relate.

About two years ago I started my coaching business and setup this website.

I knew I wanted to blog in order to help market my coaching because I absolutely loved writing, but, to be completely honest, I had no clue what to write about.

The coach I was working with at the time told me to write something around at least 20 titles for potential blog posts. Needless to say, I could only come up with five titles and then found myself saying, “But that sums up everything I need to say”.

Clearly, my ego was having a heyday with this one.

This struggle of coming up with 20 different blog titles, then led to being highly self-critical about the articles I did write. My coach offered to look over some of my articles that I wrote to critique so I would send her every single article I’d write.

About 95% percent of the time, she would simply respond in saying “Great job!” or “I love this one!” without very minor critiques. Needless to say, I would then react with, “But… are you sure? There’s got to be something terribly wrong with it, right?”

I was constantly worrying about if my articles made sense, if people resonated with anything I said, if what I said was good or correct, and if I had all my grammar, syntax, and spelling errors all figured out.

I was stuck in that place where nearly everybody goes when they have a creative outlet… a place of resistance.

A place that is saturated with inner voices of “That’s not good enough” or “You’re doing it wrong”. A place where we can find ourselves with a motivation to be “perfect” and nothing less.

Fortunately, for me, this wasn’t the first time I had to deal with this kind of resistance when doing a creative outlet. A year earlier that I had taken up watercolor painting while living in South Korea. I had always wanted to learn how to paint, but I never had the opportunity to learn. I heard about a local art teacher who spoke English, so I took advantage and signed right up.

I went in thinking it’d be fun and relaxing.

Boy was I wrong…

My very first class my art teacher gave me a picture of a sunflower and told me to paint it. No instruction. No guidance. No help whatsoever. She just wanted to see “what I could do”.

Needless to say, I freaked out. I spent the majority of that first class stopping to second guess myself and then looking her direction asking, “What do I do now?” but getting little to no guidance.

Even once we started the actual teaching and learning process, this didn’t change very much for me. Yes, I was learning skills, techniques, and getting a lot more help and guidance, but my inner critic certainly didn’t quiet down. In fact, it got louder.

I’d spend my 3 hours painting two nights a week dealing with this voice in my head saying, “You’re gonna mess this up”, “You’re doing it wrong”, “You can’t do this” and so on.

It seemed that my biggest struggle in learning how to paint wasn’t actually getting the techniques down, but gradually learning how to quiet my mind down enough so that I could paint really well.

And, eventually, it managed to quiet — just as it did in my writing as well. Of course it’s not fully 100% gone, but it’s not nearly as loud as it was. I’ve learned how to manage it — and, because I learned how to manage it, I’ve been able to create many beautiful paintings and written many beneficial articles.

Getting through the mud is tough, but once you manage to break through it, it is so miraculous to finally be able to bloom.

There’s a flow that starts to happen and your intuition seems to guide you to things that start to really energize you and make you feel inspired and excited about what you’re doing. You start to feel more in-tune with your own inner truth.

And that’s why we all need a creative outlet — its not to simply create things — but because we allow ourselves to fully express our true selves. We allow our own inner light to shine through in our creations.

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Click to Tweet: We allow our own inner light to shine through in our creations. via @jenilyn8705

That’s why expressive arts therapy can be so effective. The process of confronting and overcoming the inner blocks in our minds allows a great healing to take place.

We can heal old wounds and release old blocks, so that we can express what our souls truly want us to express.

So pick up that paint brush, commit to doing the work, and allow yourself to shine.

Take action now!

In the comments below, share with me one creative outlet that you would like to take up then make a plan to do it!

When the New “Cool” Becomes Getting Married and Having Kids

I’m 28 years old. Single and childless.

And even though I’m currently in a relationship, marriage and children are hardly on the top of my list of “things to accomplish in the next 5 years”.

With just a simply glance at my Facebook timeline, it’s apparent that I’m part of a minority, as it appears that the majority of people around my age are heavily immersed in weddings, anniversaries, and babies.

When the whole “wedding fever” began when I was in my early 20s, it honestly used to really bother me. I’d have friends who I was once really close with now rarely have time to hang out because they’d “like to be home” with their husbands. And even when I would hang out with my married or soon-to-be married friends, the conversations mostly evolved around weddings, decorating new homes, and who was getting pregnant.

I felt so, well, confused.

My first thoughts when this “wedding fever” began was something like, “Wait, so we’re all just graduating college and getting married now? Why? Isn’t there anything else we all want to do?”

But, alas, the weddings continued and became even more frequent as time when on.

These initial feelings of confusion quickly turned into feelings of feeling left out. It was as if I were trying for the varsity volleyball team and, despite all my hard work and effort, I just didn’t make the cut.

I dated quite a bit and had a few more serious relationships, but I was hardly ever able to get into a relationship that was capable of more long-term stability. Communication, boundary, and simple “he’s just not that into you” issues were abound.

I wanted to do the new “cool” thing like all my friends were so we could talk wedding and marriage stuff and I could feel like I was a “part of the group”, but it just wasn’t happening. And I had no idea why.

Then, around the age of 24, I decided to stop trying to make things work that weren’t going to and I decided to move… halfway around the world.

So I moved to South Korea with the intention to teach English for a year then move back to the Midwest. Needless to say, one year turned into a year and a half and rather than moving back to the Midwest I found myself moving to the West Coast to go to grad school.

When you go through that many changes in your life due to traveling, it’s hard to continue to be concerned about the same things that were once really troubling you while you were in your old culture. You’re constantly changing and growing because your outer world is always changing. Anything that just really doesn’t effect us very much in our current environment, simply falls away and becomes hardly a concern.

That is the interesting thing about travel — when everything in our external world is shockingly turned upside down there is much less room to worry about “fitting in”, so the main focus becomes “Who am I?”

Essentially, the only thing that becomes the same in your world is you…

You at the very core of your being…

You that is unchanging regardless of time, age, and location…

You as your own truth self.

So I got out of the “I need to fit in” mentality. I stopped caring about the fact that everyone was getting married and having babies. I stopped caring about what other people thought.

Instead, I did my own thing…

…enjoying the life of traveling and taking up hobbies of painting, photography, and writing. In doing so, I gradually became more and more in-tune with me… the real me. The me that has always desired to explore and learn about the world and, simply, enjoy the beauty and love of this world fully and completely. The me that is fascinated about about psychology and what makes people tick.

As I became more in-tune with my true self and allowed the part of me that was so worried about “fitting in” with the marriage culture to dissipate, something else happened. Something that, at that point, I wasn’t expecting to happen…

I finally found a stable and loving relationship.

It has never been about getting a stable job, a house, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence with your spouse by the age of 30 in order to “keep up with the Jones’s”. Nor has it ever been about judging others for not getting married and having kids or for getting married and having kids.

What it is about, and always has been about, is being true to yourself.

It’s about doing what you know in your heart is true for you regardless of what everyone else around you is doing. After all, they’re not who you need to live with for your entire life. The most important person you have to learn how to live with is you.

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Click to Tweet: The most important person you have to learn how to live with in this world is you. via @jenilyn8705

Choosing Happiness Doesn’t Mean You Should Settle

This past week I posted on my Instagram and Facebook the quote, “Happiness is a Choice”.

While I obviously agree with the idea that happiness is a choice, the post got me thinking about it a bit deeper and thinking about how others may interpret its meaning.

Yes, happiness is something we choose to do. We can get a new job, live in a new location, get new friends, and find a new partner but if we continue to stay in this state of mind of pessimism or negativity with beliefs like “I’m the victim” or “I’m not worthy” then, clearly, we’re not going to be very happy.

If we don’t make a conscious choice to be happy then we’re going to keep ourselves locked up in this cycle of self-defeating thoughts. So even if something really good and amazing does come into our lives then, chances are, it’s not going to last very long cause we’ll either A. Mess it up our relationship with our super awesome new boyfriend or B. Never really appreciate them by realizing how good they truly are for us.

It’s our own inner shifts that really determine the level of satisfaction and happiness that we experience in our external world.

But — let me be clear — just because happiness is an internal choice that we have to make, it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to settle.

Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we all need to settle for our less-than fulfilling job. Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t mean that we need to settle with our romantic partner that we don’t quite fully “gel” with for whatever reason. Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t mean that we should never pursue our inner desire to travel the world.

Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to settle for living a life that others expect us to live rather than how we, deep down in our core, truly want to live.

Yes, happiness is a choice but that doesn’t mean that we also need to repress our own inner truth in the process of doing so. Listen to that inner voice that is guiding and leading you to great things.

ListenToInnerVoice

Click to Tweet: Listen to that inner voice that is guiding and leading you to great things. via @jenilyn8705

Honor that inner guide fully and completely — but don’t expect that the action of breaking up with your boyfriend, quitting your job, or moving to another country is going to be the one thing that is going to completely transform your life. ‘Cause if you think it is, you’re going to be really disappointed.

… trust me. I know.

I did it 4 years ago when I decided that I was going to move half-way around the world to South Korea to teach English for a year. I was feeling very unfulfilled, out of place and as if I had lost myself somewhere along this path of becoming an adult.

I figured, well, maybe if I move out of the country and decide to just do “my own thing” that will be all I need to do to solve my problems.

“Ha!” the Universe said, “Oh silly, naive girl, you have so much more to learn…”

Oh boy was I wrong.

So very wrong.

The joke was on me.

I thought I was stressed, unfulfilled, and had relationship problems when I left the US, but within the first 4 months I started to experience even more stress, unfulfillment and relationship problems.

I found myself in the most challenging and emotionally damaging romantic relationship of my life.

It wasn’t until after that relationship ended that I gradually started to do the inner work. It was then that I really started to focus less on others and begin to really look at myself. It was then that I started to make self-care a priority.

It took me a while to fully realize that it’s the inner shifts that need to happen before I can really experience the outer shifts. But had I never gone. Had I never taken the leap of faith to hop on a plane an fly half way around the world by myself, would I have experienced the same inner shifts?

It’s very unlikely.

I never would’ve ran into the right people that would have guided me to the right books that would’ve never instilled in me the right ideas to cause such changes. And for that —regardless of how painful those relationships may have been — I am forever grateful.

After all, the lotus can’t bloom if there isn’t any mud.

Happiness is a choice that we have to make, but that doesn’t mean we need to settle. Trust the guidance of your intuition. Trust that sense you may feel to get out of that relationship, to move, or to quit that job. Of course, think ahead and plan effectively and rationally, but listen to it and trust it. Trust it even if everyone in your life doubts you or thinks it’s a bad idea because it is your choice and your inner truth — not theirs.

If we follow our inner guidance in faith and act with a willingness to learn, grow and experience change, a transformation will occur. The journey is hardly easy, but, at the end of the day, it’ll be nothing short of miraculous.

Reflections from My Weekend in NYC with Gabrielle Bernstein

Last weekend I went to New York City for the very first time to attend Gabrielle Bernstein’s second Spirit Junkie Masterclass Level 1.

I heard of Gabby’s masterclass when she first started it last year, but I told myself “Eh not this year” because I had already done Marie Forleo’s B-School that year and I just didn’t have the money to go.

When this new year started, I hadn’t even thought of it until I went to one of Gabby’s talks this past February in San Francisco. It was during that talk that she casually mentioned her masterclass in response to someone’s question. When I heard it, I felt a strong pull to sign up this year. Something in my heart, some little voice kept coming up and saying “go”.

I didn’t know how I’d get there at the time, but I knew I had to go so I just trusted and figured “if it’s meant to happen, some things will fall into place so that it can happen”.

Lesson #1: When you’re truly following your inner guidance and in-line with where you are truly meant to be, then things will fall into place naturally.

We don’t have to push it or try to force it to happen. It flows easily and effortlessly.

So there are a few things that happened…

For starters, around the time of that talk I was hired for as a counselor at a job where I could get hours as part of earning my masters degree in counseling psychology. And — unlike most people who are trying to get their hours in prior to graduation — I managed to get hired for a paid position. So more income? Check!

The next month I started doing the work to file my taxes. After adding in all of my income, deductions, etc. etc. etc. it turned out that I somehow managed to get a pretty darn good tax refund (probably the best I’ve had in my life… ever). So a decent sized check with more money that didn’t involve me doing any extra work? Check!

Then, to top it all off, in those next few months I had an increase in the amount of coaching clients. Woo hoo! Check!

So, because I managed to somehow get this extra amount of money that I wasn’t necessarily planning on I then flew from coast to coast to New York City (for the very first time) to attend Gabby’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass.

Overall, the class was nothing short of, simply, remarkable and there are not very many words that I can use to fully describe it. In fact, everyone that has asked me so far how the masterclass was, I have such a hard time trying to explain it. Words really just don’t do it any justice… honestly.

Anyway — at the masterclass, I was able to meet many different people (mostly women, with a few guys) from all around the world.

After the Saturday I was so excited about being in NYC that I decided I was going to go all about the city and explore and see as much as I possibly could.

After Sunday (our last day), on the other hand, I actually found myself overcome by this feeling of sadness. Though I visited with several ladies at the class and even afterwards at the hotel, I was overcome by this feeling of being alone and supported.

Lesson #2: Just because you think you may have healed something fully because the issue no longer exists in our current life, it doesn’t mean that it is completely 100% healed.

The wound may still be lingering deep within our psyche, where it may be unconscious to us most of the time.

I didn’t realize it as it was happening but in hindsight I realized that these emotions were perfectly correlated to a few dreams I had in the past few months. In the last few months I had some dreams come up where I was younger and back in school and feeling very left out and unsupported by classmates.

I wasn’t sure why this was coming up or what it meant at the time, but my sudden feeling of sadness and feeling unsupported after the class made me realize that these emotions came from that unconscious part of myself. It seemed that these wounds, that were buried deep into the unconscious of my psyche and only came up in my dreams occasionally, had now completely surfaced in my conscious mind.

And boy did they hit hard.

So what did I do? Well, I did the best thing and, really, only thing I could do…

I felt them. Fully and completely.

Lesson #3: In order to heal it, you have to really let yourself feel it.

As Gabby’s coach, Rha Goddess who gave a keynote at the masterclass says, “Feeling a feeling for 90 second can transform it”. So I let myself really feel it. After all, I didn’t cry during the masterclass at all, which was a little odd cause it seemed that everybody cried at some point or another. So I gave myself the time and space at this time to really feel it.

After I gave myself to really feel and process those feelings alone in my hotel room, it seemed that something cracked open. I started writing in this new notebook that I brought. In the process of writing, it appeared that something completely new was coming out on the page.

What emerged on the page was new, unique, and… the true message of all my work at its very core. My inner guide that I was not fully connected with completely emerged on that page. And it gave me all I needed to know about where to focus in my teaching, coaching, and writing.

I felt energized, aligned and oh-so-excited to start sharing this message with others.

Which leads me to my last and final lesson…

Lesson #4: When you are able to recognize your fear as only fear and you let yourself really feel that fear, your true self begins to shine.

TrueSelfShine

Click to Tweet: When you are able to recognize your fear as only fear & you let yourself feel that fear, your true self begins to shine. via @jenilyn8705

Let yourself really feel it, my friends — and I mean really feel it. Recognize the fear, feel it, and then allow your true self to emerge… it’s waiting.

Much love,

Jennifer

Why Embracing Our Inner Child Transforms Our Lives & How to Start NOW

A few days ago I traveled back east to spend Christmas at home. This has actually been a pretty big deal for me because this is the first Christmas that I get to spend back home in three years. The last two years I spent abroad in East Asia where there was virtually no Christmas decorations or “Christmas spirit” to be found.

Not only did it lack in the whole “Christmas spirit” department, but it hardly ever snowed there and, if it did, it was the kind of snow that only lasted for a few hours or a day and melted. It certainly wasn’t anything that anyone could sled on, make a snowman with, or really enjoy in any real way.

So the other night it began to snow and it carried on through the morning. It wasn’t too much or two little – just right. And even if it was less or more I still would’ve felt excited and filled with gratitude for being able to experience snow: the crunch of snow under my boots, the white snow covering the bare tree branches, and the sight and feel of snowflakes falling.

Despite my own elation and appreciation, I quickly began to hear all the natives who haven’t lived in other locations that don’t get snow start the classic complaints of: “Why do people have to drive like idiots in the snow?!” or “Darn now I have to shuffle the driveway!”

I guess that’s just a mere representation of the irony that is our common way of living: We wish we had the things we don’t have rather than to simply accept and appreciate the things we do have. It seems that it is not until we actually experience not having something that we really allow ourselves to genuinely appreciate and enjoy it.

But this was not always case. We weren’t always this bitter. When we were kids seeing snow falling outside the window would make us so incredibly excited. We would run to the coat rack and and try to bundle up as quickly as possible just so we could try to catch snowflakes on our tongue before the snow stopped falling.

As adults, do we ever do that? No, because we are putting so much more energy into disliking what is happening rather than simply enjoying it. We reject what is happening rather than to accept it and move with the flow of what is happening. And to top that off – we may also have an internal inner critic telling us not to do really enjoy it and “play” because we are “adults” and that’s a “childish” thing to do. We tell ourselves that only kids can excited over such little things and enjoy it.

As a result, we don’t really allow ourselves to be joyful and excited or sad. We ignore and repress either emotion, so what we do express is negativity and complaints.

That’s one of the big differences between children and adults. As children, we acted out of impulse. We were present. We accepted the moment and lived out of the present moment. As a result, we were easily excited and joyful and if something upset us we cried right then and there and then let it go.

We didn’t hold on to and repress all these emotions. We expressed them in the moment. As a result, we were more in touch with our true sense of self – all because we were young and we weren’t filled with a ton of unexpressed emotional baggage.

As adults however, we are often rejecting what is happening rather than accepting it. Then we’re wishing that things were like they were in the “good ol’ days” or hoping that things will get better in the future.

Clearly, focusing primarily on the past or future is an illusion that only keeps us trapped in this miserable cycle of unhappiness. It causes us to feel disconnected from our true selves. And so, we are unhappy and we don’t know how to fulfill ourselves. As a result, we fall into habits to gain false short-term satisfactions by becoming consumed with material items, alcohol, drugs, TV shows, our relationships, and so on. In other cases, we may feel the need to have kids because, deep down, we know that our children possess the tremendous amount of excitement, joy, and love that we ourselves are lacking.

So how can we start to truly embrace our inner child and feel more reconnected to our true selves as adults?

Focus on the present moment.

Though it may not make sense right away, everything happens out of the present moment. Nothing ever happens in the past or future – it is always in the present. The present moment is the only thing that is actually real.

Something that happened 10 years ago is over. It’s done. It doesn’t matter because it doesn’t impact the present moment – at least not if you cause it to impact the present. It’s when we allow the past or future to impact the present that it negatively effects us because it takes us away from what is happening right in front of us.

Change can happen only in the present moment. As children, we did this naturally because we had no past or future to think about, so in order to reconnect, we must focus on being present.

Cry.

Seriously – when someone or something upsets you, cry. All of our negative emotions – fear, anxiety, frustration, anger, etc. all stem back to a sense of suffering and sadness. Now, I’m not saying just go off and force yourself to cry over every bad thing that happens to do (that can take you out of the present). Rather, when the emotion comes up to just let it out and cry then cry. As children we naturally did this, but as adults we often don’t let ourselves do this because we tell ourselves it may not be “socially appropriate” (a common thing that we were “shamed” for as children). But the truth is that by expressing it in that moment you’ll feel better.

If you’re concerned about others seeing you, there are ways to cry in public places without really drawing much attention to yourself (sunglasses, bathroom break, etc.). And even if someone does see you, so what?

Also, it’s worth noting that you won’t always cry over bad things. We cry over good and joyful things as well. If that comes up, then allow it to happen. I’ve found that allowing ourselves to simply cry really allows us to process what we need to in order to heal and release what we need to release.

Play!

Be spontaneous. Be creative. Have fun! Take a go dancing or take a Zumba class. Start a new craft. Take a trip. Build a snowman. Go sledding. Paint, color, or draw. Play softball. Sing or play a musical instrument.

Put forth the effort to “play” every day. And if you catch yourself making the excuse of “I don’t have time”, then shut off the TV. Make it a pact that rather than watch any TV, you will “play” instead. When we allow ourselves to “play” we can begin to become more aligned with our inner child’s natural way of being.

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Start Embracing Your Inner Child NOW!

In what ways have you been keeping yourself away from the present moment? In what activities or situations can you start to be more presently engaged?

What kinds of emotions have you been repressing? What kinds of things should you just let yourself “cry” about?

How can you start implementing more “play” into your life? What kinds of activities can you start doing that you’ve always wanted to do but you have never done?

Share in the comments below! I’d love to help you on your journey!