Tag Archives: power

It’s Not Up to You to “Figure it All Out”

It always seems that when a chapter of my life is soon coming to a close that it’s easy and natural for me to get caught up in the whole thinking of: What am I going to do next in my life?

It happened when I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree.  It happened when I chose to not renew my teaching contract while I was living in Korea.  And it has started happening again recently upon knowing that, in less than a year, I’ll have my Master’s degree.

The thought patterns have often gone something like this:

Where I am going to live?

If I want to move, where should I potentially move to?

What kind of work could I find there?

Should I do X or Y kind of work?

If I do X kind of work, will the salary be enough to pay bills?

What if I need a new car?

Etc. etc. etc.

The questions could go on and on forever.

While finishing a chapter in our lives can be very exciting — the end of a degree program, a job, or a relationship — it can also bring up a lot of stuff.

When a chapter of our lives ends, we then find ourselves at a crossroad.  So I turn right or left?  So I take A or B?  Or, should I not choose any of those and turn around and go right back where I was?

We now find ourselves in un-charted territory.  It’s new.  It’s unfamiliar.  We haven’t been through it before nor do we know where this new journey might take us.

And, due to the unfamiliarly, it can be pretty darn anxiety-provoking.  We fear that something will go wrong and we won’t be able to make ends meet.  We worry that we may take the job and then absolutely hate it — or the career path entirely flops for us.

As a result of this fear that, somehow, everything is going to go completely wrong, we decide that, maybe, we can just plan everything.

So we create to-do lists.  We set goals.  We create our vision boards for a dreams for the future and we make our 10-year plan.

But you know what happens then?  And I can vouch that this has happened to me every single time that I have tried to set any kind of long-term goal.

Life happens.  And the goals completely change.

Why?  Because it’s not up to me. It’s up to a power so much greater than me.

When we’re caught up in fear and worry, we start to over-analyze everything, and we try to plan and control everything in our lives, then that’s the voice of our ego, our monkey mind, our fear-based mind.

Our ego mind is limited.  It makes us see the world and the universe with lack and it believes that we are not supported.  And it drains our energy, our life-force, our power.  According to A Course in Miracles, the presence of fear is a sign that you are relying in your own strength.

So when we are in fear, worry, and stress because we’re pushing ourselves to figure out what we need to do next in our lives, all it does it create more stress, more worry, and more fear.

In the grand scheme of things, it makes us unhappy.  It keeps us in a place of suffering because it keeps us completely disconnected from our inner guidance and our true selves.  It makes us believe that we are not supported and that we only have ourselves to rely on to “figure it all out”.

But you know what?  You don’t have to figure it all out.  In fact, you’re one and only job is to let it all go.  Release the fear.  Release the worry.  Release the anxiety.  Then give those fears to a power greater than you — in whatever way you like to call it, whether that be Source, the Universe, the Divine, God or whatever.  Give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported.

FearGiveSupported

Click to Tweet: When you are fearful, give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported. @jenilyn8705 

Then once you do that, be still.  Quiet the mind.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Allow the beauty of the present moment to wash over you. Feel your body sitting.  Feel the air around you.  Hear the sounds around you in this moment.

Notice your inner mind chatter.  Observe it, but don’t attach to it.  Recognize it as fear and only fear, as the thoughts are not of your higher self, but wounded parts of yourself.  Love them and let them pass.

Continue to breathe.

And then slowly and gradually, the mind chatter will subside.  It may not completely go away, but it will become quieter.  In the stillness of the moment, trust that guidance for your next right action is coming.  It may come in the form of a thought, a feeling, a sensation, or maybe even through something in your external world, like through a friend, family member, co-worker, e-mail, magazine or whatever.

Regardless, be open and receptive.  Exhale and remember: It’s not up to you to figure it all out.

The Mindset Shift Required to Get What You Want in Life

For a few weeks I have noticed that a peer of mine was kind of going through a bit of a rough patch with her job.  She expressed her thoughts on being underpaid, given less hours than she thought she deserved, and, overall… well, just feeling downright undervalued.

As I heard this peer for her concerns many times towards me I began to notice other people in my life doing a similar things.  Someone expressing their frustrations to me about their phone company potentially overcharging them.  Another mad because of their roommate talking loudly on the phone late at night.  And then — on top of it all — I even saw myself frustrated over a couple things in my environment and expressing it to others as well.

When I sat back and reflected on the whole thing, I noticed that there was one common underlying thread amongst all of these situations: Each person was expressing their concerns, but not to people who could actually help them with the situation.  Nobody was being proactive in their stress and frustration.

Instead, everybody was doing the safest thing a person can ever do: Express their frustrations to people who can’t do anything about it.  Their friend.  Their partner.  Their family member.  When in reality the person needed to be talking to people who can help them and give them what they want: their boss, supervisor, cell phone company, roommate, or whoever.

We all get caught up in this way of being at some point or another during various periods of our lives.  We are stressed and frustrated about something and rather than confront the issue head-on with the people who can help us with the issue, we talk to everybody else in our lives about it.

Now, don’t get me wrong — sometimes we do need to process our experience with other people who aren’t involved.  However, the problem is that by talking with other people about the issue rather than those involved, it is very disempowering.  It’s almost as if the more people we express our frustrations with, then the more we drain our energy and the energy of those around us.

When we avoid confronting the issue head-on it’s like we are are subconsciously telling ourselves (and the universe), “I’m not powerful.  I’m not capable.  I’m not worthy.  My concerns, thoughts and feelings don’t matter, so I’m going to talk to many other people about it rather than confront the issue at the source so I can make changes in my life.”

Doing this makes us feel out of control, weak and powerless — the exact opposite of what we commonly desire.

So how can we get what we want in our lives?  What is the mindset shift that we have to make?

It is to consciously choose to take personal responsibility for ourselves in every single situation.

Taking personal responsibility involves acknowledging and accepting our own unique experience and acting accordingly to our experience.  To be willing to face the world head-on and say, “I am powerful and I deserve to have what I desire.”

IAmPowerful

Click to Tweet: I am powerful and I deserve to have what I desire @jenilyn8705.

So if we are unhappy at work, then we properly communicate to our boss or supervisor.  If we are unhappy with a contract that we have made with that company, then we properly communicate with that company.  If we are unhappy with a roommate, then we voice our concerns directly to that person.  Not to a co-worker or your neighbor who can’t do anything about your situation… but a clear communication with the people there is a problem with.

To take personal responsibility also involves making decisions that are in our best interests.  So if a certain job or relationship that we are in is no longer working despite our efforts at open communication, then we know that we always have the option to leave or do something different.

We all always have a choice.  We all always have decisions to make.  To know that we always have endless opportunities available to us is part of living truly empowered.

You are in control of your own life.  You always have been and always will be.  So what can you do today to feel like you are more in control of you life?  What can you do today to take more personal responsibility for your life?  Share it in the comments below!

It Starts With You

This past weekend I found myself in a little bit of a debate with my boyfriend.  It wasn’t like a full-out argument or anything like that, but it was just enough to ruffle my feathers a bit.

The truth is, I hate any kind of debates.  It just doesn’t sit well in my being.  All I ever want is for there to be harmony.  I’d take just some simple empathetic understanding over a more intellectual debate any day.

So when things got into a bit of a disagreement I found myself getting more and more frustrated, upset, and, honestly, just sad.

Shortly after the conversation ended, he came up and asked me, “How are you feeling?  Are you okay?  Was I being a jerk?”  This followed up with, “I’m asking because, well, I’m not good with all this emotional stuff”.

In that moment I kind of chuckled to myself a bit because he used the same exact words that I had used earlier that day when I had made a joke that I realized may have offended or hurt him.

It was in that moment that I fully realized: It all starts with me.

Many of us wish to have a fulfilling relationship.  We may desire to have more intimacy or a better connection.  We may wish our partner was more open and honest with us.  We may wish that our partner was more affectionate or more open to sharing their emotions.

Many of us desire these things but we struggle to get these things to happen and can’t understand why.  We wish that our partner would change.  “I wish he was more honest” or “I wish he was more aware of his own emotions” is what we may tell our friends.

Though it is true that the compatibility of each person’s unique traits are a huge factor in determining success of our relationships, it is also true that modeling the behavior you desire in the relationship yourself can drastically change the relationship for the better.

That is the mindset shift that many of us struggle to make and it keeps us in this place of suffering: That it is our own personal responsibility to model the change.  We fail to take personal responsibility.  We fail to realize our half of the equation and how our actions can dramatically impact the relationship.

Instead, many of us habitually focus on the external.  We focus on what we are getting or not getting.  “He’s not….” “She’s not…” are our common thought patterns.

But what we need to do is look back at ourselves and ask: What am I not doing?  How am I not allowing this to happen?  We have to realize the importance of our actions.  We have to be willing to step up and do the behavior we wish others would do so that we can help them develop their weak points.

Like Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  What is it that you want to see in others?  Whatever it is, then be it!

starts with you

Here’s another example: For years I couldn’t understand why none of my boyfriends or friends would stand up and be honest about their feelings before a big “blow up” would happen.  Now I realize that they reason they did it with me is because I wasn’t being open and honest with my feelings.  I was off repressing all of my stuff and rather than openly sharing it with them.

As a result, they felt uncomfortable and it came out as a “blow up” rather than in a calm and collected manner.  Fortunately I now know that if I want other people to do be open and honest about how they feel then I myself have to be open and honest regularly and often.

The more we express and do the thing that we wish others would do, then the more they will do it.  The more that we embody what it is that we desire in others, they then feel more comfortable doing it with us.

So now it’s time for action…

(And seriously — do this!  Don’t just read it or do it in your head!)

Write down a list of things that you wish you had in your relationships.  What is something that you wish a partner, friend or family member would do for you?  Do you wish they were more honest?  More genuine?  More emotionally supportive?  More sensitive to your feelings?  More open to talk about conflict?  More vulnerable?  Write down whatever comes to mind right now.

After you make your list, look at each wish and very honestly ask yourself: Am I doing this in the relationship?  Am I really being genuine?  Am I really being honest?  Am I really being sensitive to their feelings?

Then reflect on how you can help bring more to that in the relationship.  How can you be more genuine or sensitive?  How can you be more supportive?  Search for ways that you can better embody what it is that you would like them to do through your actions towards them.

The Mindset Shift that Transformed My Relationships

For years, I was unfulfilled in my relationships.  I felt like I was giving more and trying more then what I was receiving in return.

I was drained and tired.  I kept reading book after book after book about relationships in hopes to find some answers.  I read about every book in the whole “self-help” section in hopes to find the answer as to why love was so difficult for me to find in this world.

I went to a variety of professionals in hopes to find some answer.  Though I realized that the work I had done with them only benefitted me temporarily.

There was something else.  Something that kept holding me back but I could never figure out what it was exactly.

And then, I moved to Korea.  The move caused me a lot of stress and emotional strain to work through.  However, it seemed that the universe felt I had even more that I could manage to deal with, because I found myself in an extremely challenging relationship with a fellow expat.

It was one of those on again off again kind of dating situations.  We’d “breakup”, be back together, fight, “breakup”, get back together.

This roller coaster of a relationship only lasted only 4 months.  But despite the short duration, I continued to suffer through the aftermath of it months later.  I found myself reading book after book after book trying to find answers.  I meditated, I kept a dream journal, I did hypnosis.  I tried just about anything I could just to find a way to break this self-defeating cycle that I had in my relationships.

I was desperate — and I had decided that things were going to shift now.  Not in a few months or a few years, but now.  I did not want to go back to the US without figuring out what I needed to change.

Eventually, I came across one book that seemed to have many insights that resonated with me.

Though there were many insights in that book that I found beneficial, there was one mindset shift that hit me so hard my body shook.  It felt as if a train just hit me and I had to take time get re-centered again.  I didn’t want to accept it.  I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Eventually I did choose to accept the idea and make the necessarily mindset shift — and it has completely changed the way that I approach my relationships and my life.

My major mindset shift was accepting the idea that:

The people you are in relationship with are guests in your life.

This isn’t an easy pill to swallow — for anyone.  We don’t like or want to digest the idea that every single person in our lives will one day be gone — as well as ourselves.  We like to hold on to this belief that what we have will always be with us.

Many times we tend to seek relationships for some kind of security.  Emotional security, material security, financial security, physical security, etc.

This desperate desire for security comes out of fear.  We’re afraid of being alone.  We’re afraid of needing to support ourselves completely on our own.  We’re afraid of having to rely solely on ourselves.  We’re afraid of acknowledging the reality that the only person who is with us from birth until death is ourselves.

Yet, the irony is that if we don’t learn how to support and rely on ourselves, if we don’t confront our fear and accept that nothing in this world is absolute, then we will only hold ourselves back from true fulfillment and empowerment.  We create unnecessary tension in our relationships and, most of all, prevent ourselves from truly enjoying where we are in the present moment.

The key is to realize and accept that no one person is always going to be there with us throughout our lives.  Even if we do get married, have 2.5 kids, a secure job, a house and a dog, we are still in every single moment running the risk of that all dissipating in a split second.

It is the risk that we take for living and it is unavoidable.  Therefore, by confronting our fears of security head-on we then automatically give ourselves the opportunity to truly stand in our power.  To truly be who we are meant to be in this world.  To truly have what we have always dreamed of having.

We must confront our darkness, before we can truly shine.

ConfrontFearsTrulyShine

Click to Tweet: We must confront our darkness, before we can truly shine. via @jenilyn8705

Take action now!

How are you overly striving for security in your relationships?  Are you striving for financial security?  Emotional security?  Material security?  Or, ask yourself: What is it that I most fear of disappearing from my life?

For me, I most feared not having material stability.  I wanted someone to help direct me somehow.  I also feared being alone.  I was terrified of needing to rely on myself without anyone to help support me emotionally and materially.

Share your answers in the comments below!

It’s Time To Give Our Power Away

I’ve officially decided that it’s time to give my power away. From this point forward I am no longer making decisions for myself.

By holding on to my own power, I have caused myself too much suffering, frustration, worry, and stress. Clearly, I am just not capable of being in control of my life. Its time to stop being in charge and give my power away.

So I have decided to give my power away to spirit – all of my worries, fears, anxieties, frustrations, concerns, and stressers. I’m releasing all of this extra “gunk” that prevents me from really moving with the natural flow of life. By letting go, I can begin to really feel fulfilled right here right now.

This really hasn’t been an easy point to get to. There is and always has been a resistance. I’ve felt spirit, my inner guide, guiding me to do one thing but my mind has kept saying “no” out of fear.

My fear-based mind (or ego) has continued to terrify me to do the things that spirit has guided me to.

“But, what if I say something that others criticize me for?”

“What if my ideas are rejected?”

“What if I make a terrible error and then nobody cares what I have to say?”

“What if I run out of money, can’t make rent, and then find myself living in the street?”

My mind has come up with every crazy idea possible to prevent me from following my inner guide over and over again.

It’s ironic – I have listened to many of these irrational beliefs and I have held myself back in hopes to protect myself from attack. However, by holding myself back I have caused myself more suffering than I would have experienced had I done the very thing I felt called to do right away without all the hesitation.

We all do this. We all have something stirring in our hearts that we would love to do or create so it can become a reality. We all want to feel fulfilled and feel as if we are truly following our true life’s purpose, but we listen to our mind’s fear-based thoughts and hold back.

It’s like there’s a part of us that enjoys suffering. A part of us that likes to have something to complain or feel unsettled about. So we consistently have these self-defeating thoughts that hold us back.

“I’d love to publish my own book but I don’t have the money.”

“I’d love to start my own non-profit but I can’t give up my current job to work on this.”

“If I don’t do this extra work for my boss then it might jeopardize my relationship with him and I may not have a job.”

Our minds are always coming up with some excuse to hold us back from fully embodying what spirit has to offer us. So how can we start giving less of our power to our fear-based minds and start handing our power completely over to spirit?

Believe that we deserve what spirit is offering us.

Even though we may not recognize it right away, it all boils down to self-worth. We don’t believe that we are worthy of this amazing offering spirit is giving to us and saying “This is for you”. We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t believe that we are capable.

Well I’m here to tell you that you are capable! In fact, we all are capable. We just need to allow ourselves to completely trust and rely on what spirit is guiding us to do.

Know that when we follow spirit’s guidance, we are always supported.

Many of us have the fear that if we take that leap of faith and do whatever spirit is guiding us to do that we won’t be supported – emotionally or physically. Taking that leap of faith and really following what spirit guides us to do can make us feel as though we have to do it completely on our own, which is terrifying.

Well, I’m here to tell you that when we do follow what spirit is guiding us to do that we are supported in all ways. If we experience fear, we can pray or meditate and let that go to spirit. If we feel that we won’t earn the money we need, we can trust that spirit will come and provide us with the exact money that we need at the exact moment that we need it.

Trust in Divine timing.

Following spirit puts us into a place of the unknown. We may not know when the next opportunity will come up or when we will receive our next paycheck. We have to completely give our power away to spirit so that we can trust in things will be provided when spirit is ready. We have to be willing to put ourselves out there and really do what we are feeling called in our hearts to do without hesitation.

Know that what you’re doing is incredible.

Follow what spirit is guiding us to do is hard because typically by following our inner guidance we are called to do things that can feel pretty radical. We may be guided to do things that nobody else has really done before, which can make the process very unpredictable and scary.

When these fears come up, stop and put this into perspective. I mean, how many people in this world have truly given their power over to spirit and are truly following spirit’s guidance? Not many. Someone has to start the new road and its very exciting and incredible that you are being guided down this path! Believe that. Know that.

GivingInToSpirit

Its time to really give our power away to to trust what spirit guiding us to do. It’s incredible, its exciting and you deserve it!

Start giving in to your higher power!

How have you been holding yourself back?  What are you fear based thoughts that are preventing you from moving forward?  What can you start doing TODAY to help you let go of your own power and start acting in alignment with your higher power?

Share your thoughts below!


3 Ways to Reclaim Power Over Our Own Health

For years I was dealing with constant digestive issues and allergies. Regardless of diet or the healthcare practitioner I worked with, I found no relief. This past spring I was fortunate to cross paths with an RN who follows alternative medicine was was able to give me relief – and fast!

Even though her method has practically done miracles for me, for the last three weeks I felt like I mess. My allergies were coming back pretty badly, I had pain in my chest again, my acne was going crazy, and my energy was dwindling. To top all that off, I was stressed, frustrated, and angry over the fact that I even felt like this and I had absolutely NO way of contacting my RN for help.

In the midst of my frustration over this, I went to therapy. I didn’t want to go cause I felt terrible, but I figured maybe I can gain some relief. I vented my frustrations to my therapist and we decided to do a meditation where I basically scanned my body to feel where organs and things were calling for my attention. Luckily, by working with my RN, I was able to have a little bit of a “road map”, but its still difficult to really trust one’s intuition was the ROOT cause is, nonetheless.

Gradually, I felt the root cause was in one particular area and that by focusing on it and sending it some healing energy in the meditation it gave it at least some relief.

So I went home and took some supplements in accordance to that area. Needless to say, within a DAY the pain in my chest was gone. Without consulting ANY health “expert” the pain went away.

This week I had an appointment with my RN and I told her what I did. I told her about the pain I was in and the supplements I took. I felt hesitant and anticipated some lecture. Something along the lines of “You shouldn’t take anything without contacting me first” or “That isn’t what you needed. Now you just messed yourself up even more”. But she didn’t say that at all. In fact, she said something that surprised me, “Yes you were exactly right! You DO need more of that supplement”. She then proceeded to explain to me how each of the supplements I’m taking work so I can better make these types of decisions for myself without consulting her.

Wow, isn’t that empowering? For the first time ever, I had a healthcare practitioner say basically say, “You do know more about your body than me and here’s some guidance to help you retake full control over your own health”.

What an interesting yet slightly bizarre concept: In my head I was hardwired to believe that I can’t make accurate decisions about my own health. And, realistically, how many of us in this world have that SAME exact belief?

I mean, realistically, as recovering people pleasers and codependents it is only natural. If we have the tendency to focus so much on other people and their happiness, then we are also inclined to rely heavily on OTHER people to provide us with all the “answers” to our lives. We struggle to reclaim our own power fully and believe we are capable of knowing what we need.

reclaim power

Here are three essential guidelines I’ve found are necessary to fully reclaiming our inner power:

Accept how you are feeling in your body right now.

The biggest mistake we make is that we reject what is happening. We feel bad and we react with “Agh I don’t want to feel like this”. Its like our ego turns it into this belief of “Maybe if I reject it and push was is away enough it will just go away”, but that never works. It only makes us frustrated, stressed, and ultimately feeling worse. If we accept what is we can then act out of love.

Be loving and patient with you and your body.

We’re not going to make perfect decisions 100%. We’re going to slip up and eat something we probably weren’t supposed to at some point or another. Our body is also going to act up once in a while even though we feel we have done everything right. Just be patient and loving. If you send healing energy of love to yourself each time you don’t feel so well instead of having thoughts of “I hate it that I feel this way” then we can heal much faster.

Trust the bodily sensations and ideas that come to you – even if it doesn’t quite make sense.

This can be difficult to do when you’re trying to overcome things like sugar, caffeine, or cravings of fatty things, but there’s never a bad time to start. If you suddenly get a craving for a healthy food like bananas, then get some bananas. Pay close attention to how you feel as you are eating. If you feel like something isn’t settling as “good” as it should then it’s OKAY to stop eating. Also, if you feel one particular part of your body is very extra “warm”, “tight” or “stuck” in some way then send it some extra healing love energy either by visualizing it as a color or putting it your hand over it and imagining the energy coming out through your hand.

 

Reclaim Power Over Your Health Today!

Are you finding yourself frustrated over your current health situation? What are you most struggling with? What do you think you most need to focus on in order to reclaim power over your health?