Tag Archives: positivity

5 Reasons Why You’re Unhappy — and How You Can Start Being Happy Today

So maybe you have the awesome house or apartment, a great relationship, and an amazing job.  But despite the fact that everything in your life looks so great on “paper” or upon someone viewing your Facebook or Instagram accounts, for some reason, somehow your just not happy.

What I’ve come to realize that while our societal views on what constitutes a happy and successful person, it’s rare that someone who actually fulfills all of those things are going to be genuinely happy.  Our true happiness is not determined by our external circumstances, but rather our internal focus.

So here are 5 reasons why you may be unhappy — and how you can start being happy today:

#1 – You’re living in the past or future

Out of all the reasons in this list, I think this one is the most impactful of our level of happiness than all of them. 

You’re focused on what you did have in the past or what you could have in the future rather than what you have right now.  Your mind is focused on how things were so great back in “the good ol’ days”.  Or, you’re focused on the idea of how things will be great “someday” in the future.

The reality is that by focusing our attention on the past and the future, all it does is prevent us from really living in and enjoying the present moment, which is the key to really living and being from a place of true joy and happiness.

So when you catch yourself thinking about how things were great in the past or how they could become great in the future, take a deep breath, feel your feet on the floor and look around you.  Notice what you have right now in this moment and how amazing it is to simply be living right here, right now.

#2 – You’re caught up in thoughts of judgement and criticism

Are you caught up in judging yourself about not being “good enough”?  Are you often trying to, somehow, be “perfect”?

Or, on the flip side, do you get up in judging and criticizing other people?  Do you get caught up in criticizing the way a co-worker dresses?  Are you often getting caught up in judging others for their own life choices?

When it comes to judgement and criticism I think it’s important to remember this: When I am judging others, I am judging myself, because we are all intricately connected.

When we are judging and criticizing, its a sign that our ego mind is bringing out our inner critic.  All this does is block us from being able to truly experience love, happiness and joy in the present moment.

JudgingOthersSelf

Click to Tweet: When I am judging others, I am judging myself, because we are all intricately connected. @jenilyn8705

#3 – You’re seeking fulfillment in material things

Do you find yourself thinking things like: When I’m able to get that house then I’ll be happy, when I’m making six figures I’ll be happy, or when I can get that new car I’ll be happy?

One of the biggest fabrications that our ego mind likes to tell us is that being rich, famous and successful we are somehow going to be living the best lives ever.

While getting a new car, house, and make more money may certainly make our lives easier, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re going to be happy when we get these things.  True happiness comes through our mindset and how we choose to live and be in the world — not a pair of Manolos and some Gucci.

#4 – You’re focused on what you’re getting rather than what you’re giving

To you tend to get caught up in thinking that if you did X favor for Sally then she better give Y favor for you?  Or, do you tend to get caught up in thinking about how much money you’re getting from your employer rather than how much you’re giving at work?

It’s interesting, but often when we’re focused on a mindset of always thinking about what we’re “getting” then there never seems to be enough — there’s always lack.  However, when we shift our mindset and start to focus more on what we’re giving, then we are able to see what we are actually receiving.  In turn, we can then find ourselves more grateful and content with what it is that we do have right here, right now.

#5 – You’re trying to push your feelings of sadness, worry, and anger away

In the world of self-help and personal growth, there’s a lot of talk out there about a need to be positive so that you can be happy and joyful and live the best life possible.

Well, I’m going to tell you right now: Thinking that we need to be positive all the time is BS. 

Honestly, it’s not even remotely realistic.  We all have our good days and our bad days.  People die.  Pets die.  Relationships end.  Health issues happen.  We lose jobs.  We move.

And as a result, we cry, we scream, and we worry.  Someone does or says something to hurt us and we struggle to forgive.  We have wounds, addictions, and disorders.

And you know what?  It’s all normal and perfectly okay.  In fact, we need it.  Why?  Because we can’t have light without darkness.  We need both to be whole and to feel complete.

We all have wounds because we’ve all been hurt in various ways and those wounds need our love and attention.  We have to give ourselves time to really truly feel and process those emotions.  When we don’t, this is where other problems can emerge, such as an addiction, an eating disorder, or maybe even a case of depression.

So allow yourself to really truly feel — both the good and the bad, because it is all a part of you, and by loving and accepting it, you can start to tap into your own true authentic happiness.

4 Ways to Cope When You’re Around Unhappy People

I’ve always been the kind of person who easily gets tuned into other people’s “vibes”.  What I mean by this is that I tend to pick up and easily recognize on the energy that they are putting out.  I’ll easily sense if others are happy, sad, stressed, pissed off, worried, or excited.  I also get a different kind of vibe if someone is being genuine or if they are trying to hide something.

We all do this to some degree.  Some may be just more sensitive to it than others or we may be more “in-tuned” in some moments and not so much in others.

In the midst of easily picking up on all these different vibes that others are giving off, it can be easy to get caught up in other people’s not-so-pleasant emotions.  If someone else is giving out vibes of being kind of crabby or unhappy we may start asking ourselves things like:

“Is there something that I did that hurt them?”

“Did I offend them somehow?”

“Does this person not like me for some reason?”

Sometimes in these moments these stressful or unhappy energies they are putting off can be so much that we may even want to spit out an “I’m sorry” even though we really have absolutely no idea what we are sorry for.  Other times we may simply just find ourselves overwhelmed or bothered and unsure as to what we need to do in order to “clear the air” when around such unhappy people.

In order to “clear the air”, here some are ways on how to properly cope when you’re around unhappy people:

#1 – Don’t take it personally.

The truth of the matter is, you are not nor have ever been responsible for this person’s happiness or anyone else’s other than your own.  We are the only person solely responsible for our own happiness.  Period.

Now, in the chance that you did, in fact, do something to offend or hurt this person then you can’t really apologize or change something if the person never told you.  That is their responsibility.  So until they say something to you, don’t sweat it.

#2 – Don’t get all caught up in their unhappiness.

Sometimes what we tend to do when we are around someone who is cranky and all unhappy is that we dwell on it.  We focus on their crankiness and then start complaining about their own negativity and unhappiness.

Doing this, however, is one of the worst things that we can do because we just keep the unhappiness going!  This is an unconscious habit that many of us easily fall into on a regular basis, so we need to really nip this habit in the butt pronto!  And so, in order to avoid getting all caught up in other people’s unhappiness…

#3 – Give yourself time to get re-centered regularly.

I also like to call this “giving yourself some me-time”.  When we are constantly on the go-go-go and never give ourselves some time to breath, we are not only more susceptible to getting stressed out but also more susceptible to letting other people’s “stuff” get to us.

So take some time every day to simply be alone with yourself.  During this time allow yourself to meditation, journal, reflect, read, exercise, or simply just do whatever you feel like in order to “recharge”.  Sometimes I do this through going for a walk and other times it may be through gardening.  Just go along with whatever you feel your heart is being drawn to!

#4 – Kill it with kindness.

How many times have you been having a bad day but upon crossing paths with a very happy and pleasant person you felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders?  I know I’ve had this happen!

The reality is that when we put out positive and pleasant vibes out to others by smiling, cheerfully asking someone how they are, or making some jokes we are actually helping others to raise their vibration to a more positive level as well.  The benefits are really two-fold: You brighten other people’s day and you brighten the day for yourself because you then experience gratification from helping others.

Now, of course, it isn’t all cranky-person proof.  Some people will just be stuck on being unhappy in that moment no matter what comes along.  However, it is still beneficial because it is helping you stay on the positive side of things rather than to get caught up in their negativity.

BrightenDay

Click to Tweet: If someone is unhappy & stressed know that YOU have the power to help brighten their day (AND yours)! via @jenilyn8705

Take action now!

Of the four tips listed above, which one do you most need to remember?  How are you going to start implementing this four tips starting today?  Share it in the comments below!

How to Be Happy When Other People are Draining You

I’ve always been a pretty sensitive person.

I’m one of those people where if someone I’m living with comes home upset or stressed I’ll know it the second they walk in the door — even if I never even saw them.  If the people I’m coming to visit are upset or depressed, I will know the second I walk in the door.  If someone around me expressing their stress verbally (even if it’s not at all directed at me), my body feels all shaken and it’s very challenging for me to focus on any task.

To top that off, with some people I can find myself so incredibly in-touch with their being, that I’ve found myself describing and explaining their emotions and experience as if it is my own.  As a result, I’ve really puzzled some friends through the years doing this cause they just couldn’t understand how on earth I could know so much about this other person’s experience without the person even openly sharing it with me.

Needless to say, being so sensitive isn’t a very easy thing to deal with.  In order to cope, it’s been a process of really learning how to set boundaries and put forth the effort to really focus on my own thoughts, feelings, and overall experience.

That was the ultimate problem after all — I was so in touch with other people’s stuff that I had absolutely no idea what my stuff was.  I was constantly blending in and getting really in-tune with others in order to best accommodate and make things better for them.

In that regard, it really is both a blessing and a curse.  It’s a blessing to know what people need in order to help support them and grow.  However, it’s a curse in that, in doing so, it’s a challenge to ever really know what one needs and truly take care of yourself.

And so, in the last few years my primary focus has been to focus on establishing boundaries in relationships and focusing primarily on my own experience.

This has worked fairly well, but the problem has been that I have still found myself overwhelmed and uber sensitive.  In fact, in some ways, probably even more sensitive than before.  It was then that I realized:

We can’t find inner peace and be in-tune with ourselves when we are pushing ourselves to ignore everybody else’s energies.

We have to remember to acknowledge and recognize what we have picked up, then take action to help ourselves.

Whether we realize it or not, we are always being affected by the energies of those around us.  You know that cranky customer you dealt with at work the other day?  His crankiness affected you.  You know that lady who started arguing with you in the comments section on an article on the Huffington Post?  She affected your energy.  You know that family member that “dumped” all their problems on you the other day?  They affected your energy.

All of these energies I mentioned above are lower-level energies.  When we allow ourselves to really become attached to that lower-level energy, it can really drag us down.  It can make us stressed, grumpy, cranky and a little less pleasant when you’re standing in line at Starbucks.

On the flip side, there are higher-level energies as well.  Like that customer who gave you an extra big tip or that person on the street who gave you a big smile and genuinely said “I have a great day”.  If we let these energies in, it can lift us up and really brighten our day.  It can make us less stressed, irritated, and worried.

It’s important to check in with yourself every day in every moment and interaction in order to notice if the energy is lifting you up or dragging you down.  If it’s lifting you up, then fan-freaking-tastic!  However, if you notice that it’s dragging you down then it’s time to take some action to protect yourself.

The following are a few things that you can do to help protect yourself from other people’s low-energies:

Make the effort to be around more positive people.

Are you constantly around people that complain about life all the time?  Are you constantly around people who are aggravated, worried, or stressed out about something?  If so, then you may want to create a little bit of distance in order to take care of yourself and give yourself some time to replenish yourself with higher energy.  You may also want to reach out to new people or groups that are generally more uplifting and inspirational.  People that energize you and bring fun and joy into your life.

That being said, another thing to consider is the TV, movies, and music that you are watching.  Does anything that you watch or listen to feel a bit harsh?  Does it feel like it drains you rather than energizes you?  If it does, then you may want to stop watching to these shows or listening to that music.  I know for me, certain hip-hop and rap is definitely on my big “no-no” list, along with horror films (at this point) and even a number of action films.

Also ask yourself how online or smartphone games or activities affect you.  Personally, I even find myself being drained when playing games on my phone at times.  I definitely can’t do any Candy Crush or Words with Friends for any long period of time without it draining me.

Take time every day to connect to your inner power.

A wonderful meditation that you can do is to breath while visualizing white light coming down through the top of your head with each inhale and then exhaling out through your heart.  As you breath, the white light begins to create a bubble of protection around you that expands more and more.

Doing a meditation like this can help us get re-centered and heighten our own energy.  If you feel like you need to really protect yourself from other people’s “stuff”, then you may also want to visualize mirrors being added to the bubble around you.  This way, anything that someone expresses to you get shined right back at them.

Make the conscious effort to focus on the positive.

You can do this through positive affirmations (like saying statements like “I am powerful”, “I have all that I need with me right now” or “I am love”) or by simply just focusing on creating positive thoughts throughout our day.  So whenever a thought of “I don’t have enough money” comes up, exchange it with a thought of gratitude like “I have enough money to have a water supply, clothes and food”.  Looking for all the positive things and focusing on that can help raise our energy so then we are less affected by other people’s lower-energy “stuff”.

Express positivity!

This may be a bit challenging to do at first if you’re stressed out or down in the dumps, but simply just go about your day with the intention to make everyone’s day a bit brighter.  Compliment that lady with the neat necklace at the grocery store.  Smile brightly at the store clerk, ask them how they are doing, and wish them a pleasant day.  Be open to chatting with people in the elevator.  Find and be open to ways to help make everyone else’s day a bit brighter.  It’s really just the little things, but the more you do it, the more you raise your own energy as well as those you cross paths with.

These are just a few tips right now, but the list can just go on and on.  Ultimately remember this: The power of your experience lies with you.  The more you focus on raising your own energy, then the better it will be.  The less you will be affected by other people’s “not so great” stuff and the more you will create and attract more positive things into your life.

PowerOfExperience

Take action to raise your energy right now!

List, at the very least, 10 things that you are grateful for in your life right now.  Truthfully, we should all be able to list thousands but I’ll make it a bit easy for you today. 😉