Tag Archives: people pleaser

11 Signs of a Truly Authentic Person

In the last week or two, the topic of authenticity has been coming up in my life.  The discussion of authenticity came up a couple times in a class and then it came up again during a therapy session.  This led me to sit back and ask myself: What actually constitutes a truly authentic person?

Upon deeper introspection, I came to the conclusion that becoming authentic is a lifetime — and beyond —  process.  It’s like peeling an onion and over time as we grow, heal, and love ourselves more and more, we become more of who we truly are.

There can be moments when we are truly expressing our authentic selves and then there are moments that trigger our inner wounds.   We then find ourselves acting in a way that’s out of alignment with our own inner truth and, instead, acting as a reaction to our wounds being reactivated.

So as I said before, it’s a lifelong process, but this doesn’t mean that it’s something we shouldn’t aspire to.  Just because it may take time and practice to do a headstand in a yoga class, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t bother doing the work so you can eventually do it with ease.

So here are the 11 signs of a truly authentic person:

#1 – They recognize the emptiness in material things

They’re not out buying Gucci with the hope that it will make them happy.  While they may enjoy material things, they don’t see it as “If I just have this one item, then I’ll be happy”.  They also don’t rate other people based on the material items that they have or don’t have because they know it doesn’t hold much meaning.

#2 – They recognize that experiences make their lives richer

They’re aware of how life experiences create more meaning and richness in our lives.  They are open to explore and learn, both externally and internally.

#3 – They truly listen to others

They don’t listen in order to respond.  Nor do they listen to others while being distracted by their phone, the TV or whatever else may be a distraction.  They’re able to be fully present with another person.  They’re able to listen to others with a genuine interest and care for the other person.

#4 – They express their true thoughts, feelings and views unapologetically

They don’t say things that they don’t truly mean.  They don’t do things that they don’t really want to do.  They are able to share their own unique thoughts, feelings and views without fear of other’s opinions.

#5 – They’re not out to please people

They know that by living their lives to please others all the time disconnects them from their own inner experience.  The know the importance of being aware, acknowledging, and expressing their own unique thoughts, feelings and views to the world.  They know that by expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world.

TrulyAuthenticPeople

Click to Tweet: Authentic people know that expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world. via @jenilyn8705

#6 – They see value in giving love to others

They see value in giving love and kindness indiscriminately.  They understand that we are all connected and are willing to give others a helping hand.  They know that by helping others, they are helping themselves.  They allow and encourage others to express their own truth with love and acceptance as well.

#7 – They love themselves

They see themselves as a person of value who deserves love, kindness and support.  They provide themselves with adequate care to support their own health and well-being.

#8 – They are willing to see and acknowledge their own faults

They are aware they we are all wounded and may have various prejudices.  They don’t judge others for their own prejudices, but rather see it as a part of the person’s own inner wounding that has yet to be healed.  They know that there are aspects of themselves that they don’t like either, and they’re willing to swallow their ego and acknowledge those parts regardless. 

#9 – They understand that we are all unique — and that’s okay!

They know that not everyone is going to agree on everything all the time.  They are accepting of differing views and opinions.  They don’t label themselves as “right” and another person as “wrong” or visa versa.

#10 – They take responsibility for their lives

They don’t blame other people for what happens to them in their lives.  They take personal responsibility for how they’re actions created a certain outcome.  They are willing to look at how they influenced each and every situation and act accordingly.

#11 – They’re connected to their own inner guide

They’ve been able to clear their minds of the constant mind chatter in order to hear an inner voice that is greater than them.  They are able to act in accordance to their inner guidance with trust and faith, despite not having external validation.

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Out of the list above, are any of these 11 signs of authenticity harder for you to do than others?  Do some come a little more “natural” to you?  How do you struggle to be authentic in your relationships and life?  Share your thoughts in the comments below!

3 Essential Questions to Ask Yourself to Be a Healthy Caretaker

In several of my posts, I have discussed learning how to set boundaries in order to break our habits of being a people pleaser, caretaker, codependent, and “giver giver giver”.

Though establishing boundaries are essential in order to avoid feeling drained or overwhelmed by others, many of us caretakers (especially when we are first learning how to set boundaries) is to go overboard.  We often set too strict of boundaries, which, unfortunately, cuts ourselves off from truly expressing our real gifts in order to truly help others and the world.

The key, as I have stated previously, is balance.  We want to be mindful over taking care of ourselves while also being open and receptive to helping others in their time of needed.

However, this can be very tricky — especially when we are just starting out with this whole boundaries thing and we’re not too confident over what is okay and what it not.  We tend to fear falling into our old unhealthy caretaker patterns.

And so, this week I have included a video blog (or v-log) to share with you 3 essential questions that you need to be asking yourself in order to be a health caretaker.

 

I hope you have enjoyed the video!  Just in order to recap, here’s the 3 questions to remember:

1.  Do I feel like this person is expecting it from me?

Do I feel like there is a “pull” coming from them?  Is there a feeling as if they need you there in order to “survive”?  If so, it’s a sure sign to give a little as needed but set a boundary and take care of yourself!

2.  Am I feeling a need to control this other person or their situation?

In other words, am I not allowing them to process their grief or sadness by crying?  Am I trying to be a Ms. “Fix-it” for their situation?  Is there any feelings as if I am “proud of myself” for helping this person?  If so, then we may be crossing into the other person’s boundary space a bit and it’s time to back away, focus on our own self care, and trust and have faith that the other person will be okay.

3.  How am I feeling?

This is the ultimate question to remember!  If answering this is difficult, you may want to ask: How does my body feeling?  Am I depleted or tired?  Do I feel like I’m pushing or trying too hard?  If so, then it’s time to back away and focus on ourselves.

Or — do I feel genuinely fulfilled?  Often if we are giving from a place of true genuine love we will notice an opening up in our heart space.  We may feel some flutters and movement in our heart area.  We may feel more expanded or as if we are “shining” in a way.  This may not happen every time, but if we do feel it then it’s an absolute guarantee that we are actually giving from a true genuinely healthy and loving place!

Start giving more from a loving space!

Reflect on the last time that you really “gave” to someone.  It may have been something that someone asked you to do or something you willingly did.  How did it feel?  Did you feel fulfilled?  Did you feel an opening in your heart space?  Or did you feel like you were “pushing”?  Or did you feel like the other person was “pulling” on you?  As if they were depending on you?

Share your experience and/or realizations below!