Tag Archives: inner guide

I Was Homeless for Two Weeks. This is What I Realized

It was summer 2010 and the end of my lease was quickly approaching for the college apartment I had been living in for a year.  We had to be completely moved out by Friday, but I had to be in the next state over, in Iowa, for a conference as a part of an internship by the Wednesday prior.

Despite my many attempts to find a new apartment to live in for the next chapter of my life, I wasn’t able to find one that was available at the right time.  I managed to get a new apartment lined up, but the problem was that it wouldn’t be available for move-in until another two weeks.

This meant I had two weeks of, essentially, no place to live. 

The weekend before my lease was up, family came by and took some of my bigger essentials for the time being — my recliner, bed, dressers, and so on to put into storage for a while.  However, I still had many other essentials that I needed for another few days before it was time for me to head out, which included many kitchen belongings to cook and eat, along with bath stuff .  You know, the “little stuff”.

So on the day before I had to be completely moved out of my apartment I started picking up all the “little stuff” into my car.  Clothes.  Towels.  Kitchenware.  Soaps.  Extra food and drinks.  All piled into my car to the maximum capacity that my car could hold.

And once I had it all packed up, I started driving to Iowa for the conference for a few days.  The next two weeks involved driving around the Midwest and meeting with friends old and new.

You’d think that maybe I’d feel stressed or overwhelmed knowing I didn’t have a place to live, but, instead, I felt liberated, powerful, and free.  In that moment I had let go of the need to have “security” in my life and, instead decided to live in the moment.  I felt like the world was at my fingertips and I could go wherever I wanted to and be whoever I wanted to be.

It was that experience that allowed me to realize that the world is not in control of my life — I am in control of my life.  Not apartment leases.  Not university requirements.  Not the boyfriend, family or whoever.  Just me. 

At that time in my life it was time for me to be looking for jobs and to start settling down, but during my two weeks of being homeless I realized that it wasn’t the right time for me.  It was not time for me to get a regular 40-hour a week salary job with benefits.  It was not time for me to get married, buy a house, or have 2.5 kids.

I was meant to do more than that.  

In fact, we are all mean to do more than just simply that.

It can be easy to get caught up in what society expects of us: the job, the relationship, the house.  We check the boxes off the list thinking that maybe if we do all these things that we’re expected to do, then it’s going to make us happy.  It’s going to give us security and, therefore, make us joyful by keeping society and others happy.

But the problem is that it doesn’t work that way.  We can’t just plan on pleasing everyone else and expect to be happy, fulfilled, energized, and joyful.

Why?  Because it’s not realistic. 

When we’re so focused on pleasing others in hopes to avoid being criticized or rejected, that’s when we ignore ourselves — and the most important relationship that we have in this world is the one that we have with ourselves.

By ignoring and repressing our feelings, intuition, and inner guidance, we become drained.  That’s when we get stressed out and overwhelmed.  We can then feel disconnected and as if we’ve “lost” ourselves.

But the fortunate thing is that we don’t have to live this way.

We can change.  We can become better.  We can step into our power and fully and completely shine we just have to be willing to do the work.

This is where I am so incredibly excited to introduce to you my brand new 5-week course, Your Power: How to Harness Your Energy So You Can Fully Shine.  The course will help you transform you from the inside out so that you can create a solid foundation for you to fully step into your true power.

YourPower_Banner

This course is great for you if you’re ready to…

… step up

… restructure your lifestyle

… live a miraculous life

This course isn’t for you if…

… you don’t like to make commitments

… you’re not really sure what you want

… you’re not into personal growth, self-help, or spirituality

Upon taking the Your Power 5-week course you will:

  • Feel lighter, calmer, and more balanced
  • Learn how to focus your energy on things that truly serve you!
  • Experience a zest and love for life again!
  • Feel more in control and empowered in your life
  • Develop a solid foundation so that you can you can shine your light in the world

Learn more!

In the Your Power 5-week course, we will cover:

Week 1: How to Shift Your Mindset for Love and Miracles

  • How our internal focus can impact how we experience the world
  • What mindsets hinder our energy and which can manifest miracles

Week 2:  How to Restructure Your Lifestyle So You Can Thrive

  • How our lifestyle habits can be either draining or energizing
  • A lifestyle audit over 5 main areas of our lives

Week 3: How to Let Go of What’s Not Serving You

  • Letting go of habits that are not supporting us in our power
  • Shifting mindsets to improve our relationships

Week 4: How to Lovingly Care For Your Body

  • How what we eat effects our energy
  • Ways to find a diet that truly supports you

Week 5: How to Allow Yourself to Truly Shine

  • Tools for getting out of a "funk"
  • Key tools to fully step into our power and truly shine

In addition, you will receive two bonuses:

  • How to Let Gossip Out & Let Light In, featuring the founder of Lightworker Nation, Vicky auf der Maur
  • Two Kundalini Meditations to help you get out of a "funk" and find inner peace

With the Your Power 5-week course, you will receive:

  • 5 Video modules + 2 bonus videos totalling over 3 hours of material
  • 3 Guided meditations to help you harness your energy and truly shine
  • Worksheets to help you process the material and set practical intentions for yourself
  • 2 Group coaching calls
  • Access to my private members-only blog posts
  • Lifetime access!

This complete 5-week course is valued at $900

However, because I really want you to learn how to be in your power at an affordable price, I'm offering the complete Your Power, 5-week course for a Early-Bird discount of $20 off. So from now through Friday you can get the Your Power, 5-week course for only $227 .

Are you ready to harness your power?  Click below to purchase and get started!

Your Power, 5-week course

One Payment of $247

Early Bird Discount: Only $227!

get early bird access

** Early-bird discount valid until 11:59 PDT Friday, April 15th **


“Jennifer’s insightful, thought-provoking articles never fail to inspire. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to share her writing on Tiny Buddha, as I know it’s been helpful to readers!”

– Lori Deschene, Founder of TinyBuddha.com

“Jennifer is smart, intuitive and has a sharp ability to cut straight to what shifts needs to take place to live a more authentic and spirit-centered life.”

– Jackie Johansen, Writing Coach, California

My Love of Fear

Yoga was finished and it was time to get to work.  I sit down at my desk to begin.

You’ve been procrastinating all day, a voice in my mind says, You should already have this done by now!

I can feel the tension in my neck crawling down my back.  My breath is shallow.

I take a deep breath and stretch my arms over my head thinking, believing and hoping that will release the tension.

I feel a little better, so I put my arms down and start to focus on work.

You haven’t done shit today, the voice continues, you woke up, ate breakfast, did yoga and that’s it.  You’re pathetic.

I then open the document of my project and start getting to work.

This shit is terrible.  What makes you think that’s good enough?  Work harder!

I look back over what I had written down.  Rereading it from the top.  Maybe if I word it this way it could be better somehow?  Or maybe I can add a little bit more here.

Nobody is going to like that shit.  It’s not good enough.  You’re not good enough.

My neck became even more tense and I suddenly found myself debilitated.  Completely unable to work.  Completely unable to focus.

I get up to walk around feeling “off” and not sure what more I needed to do to get past this critical inner voice that’s loaded in fear.  I did yoga, I meditated, I’ve moved around like a billion frigging times already… what more needs to happen to kick this thing?

I stop trying to fight it so I make myself a smoothie and pop in my earbuds to listen to a lecture by my mentor Gabby Bernstein.  I had heard this lecture several times before but maybe, someway, somehow I was going to hear something that would help me get out of this funk.

A half hour later and the first recorded lecture was over.

See now you just wasted another 30 minutes when you could be working, the voice says.

Oh just shut up already, I think back to it as my neck tenses up and I hit the play button on the next 30 minute talk.

She’s not even talking about what you’re dealing with right now, the voice says.

This time I ignore it and continue to keep listening to the talk.

About mid-way through the talk Gabby mentioned that before she does a talk she will say a prayer asking for the highest spirit of truth and compassion to speak through her talk.  She said that in doing this, it helps her get out of her fear-based ego and back into love.

Upon hearing that, I quickly say that prayer for myself in my mind.  I start to notice my neck muscles starting to relax, my jaw not quite as tight, and I feel much more calm and centered.

I paused the talk and then I had a thought, Jen, you were trying to fight the block.  You were trying to fight the fear, but that doesn’t work because you were fighting fear with fear in your mind.  You can’t push fear away.  Fear can only truly dissipate when you love it, because love is what heals.

FearDissipate

Click to Tweet: Fear can only truly dissipate when you love it because love is what heals @jenilyn8705 

There are so many times where coaches, writers, and teachers talk about how we need to be fearless.

“Bust through the blocks”

“Overcome your fear”

“Live fearlessly”

On the surface the words can seem to be implying that fear is bad and that we must abolish it.  However, by holding onto the idea that we have to abolish fear in itself can make us even more stuck.  It can create a war of fear-based dialogue inside our minds.

You’re not good enough.

Oh go away.

Nobody is going to want to read that.

Leave me alone!

What we need to do instead is to recognize the fear-based thoughts and give it love.  Notice the thought and let it be.  Don’t attach to it or respond.  Just let it be. 

If it comes up again wanting more attention, just give it some love.  Pray for it.  Tell it that you love it. 

After all, those thoughts are just wounded parts of you and, just like you do, they deserve a lot of love and care.

11 Signs of a Truly Authentic Person

In the last week or two, the topic of authenticity has been coming up in my life.  The discussion of authenticity came up a couple times in a class and then it came up again during a therapy session.  This led me to sit back and ask myself: What actually constitutes a truly authentic person?

Upon deeper introspection, I came to the conclusion that becoming authentic is a lifetime — and beyond —  process.  It’s like peeling an onion and over time as we grow, heal, and love ourselves more and more, we become more of who we truly are.

There can be moments when we are truly expressing our authentic selves and then there are moments that trigger our inner wounds.   We then find ourselves acting in a way that’s out of alignment with our own inner truth and, instead, acting as a reaction to our wounds being reactivated.

So as I said before, it’s a lifelong process, but this doesn’t mean that it’s something we shouldn’t aspire to.  Just because it may take time and practice to do a headstand in a yoga class, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t bother doing the work so you can eventually do it with ease.

So here are the 11 signs of a truly authentic person:

#1 – They recognize the emptiness in material things

They’re not out buying Gucci with the hope that it will make them happy.  While they may enjoy material things, they don’t see it as “If I just have this one item, then I’ll be happy”.  They also don’t rate other people based on the material items that they have or don’t have because they know it doesn’t hold much meaning.

#2 – They recognize that experiences make their lives richer

They’re aware of how life experiences create more meaning and richness in our lives.  They are open to explore and learn, both externally and internally.

#3 – They truly listen to others

They don’t listen in order to respond.  Nor do they listen to others while being distracted by their phone, the TV or whatever else may be a distraction.  They’re able to be fully present with another person.  They’re able to listen to others with a genuine interest and care for the other person.

#4 – They express their true thoughts, feelings and views unapologetically

They don’t say things that they don’t truly mean.  They don’t do things that they don’t really want to do.  They are able to share their own unique thoughts, feelings and views without fear of other’s opinions.

#5 – They’re not out to please people

They know that by living their lives to please others all the time disconnects them from their own inner experience.  The know the importance of being aware, acknowledging, and expressing their own unique thoughts, feelings and views to the world.  They know that by expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world.

TrulyAuthenticPeople

Click to Tweet: Authentic people know that expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world. via @jenilyn8705

#6 – They see value in giving love to others

They see value in giving love and kindness indiscriminately.  They understand that we are all connected and are willing to give others a helping hand.  They know that by helping others, they are helping themselves.  They allow and encourage others to express their own truth with love and acceptance as well.

#7 – They love themselves

They see themselves as a person of value who deserves love, kindness and support.  They provide themselves with adequate care to support their own health and well-being.

#8 – They are willing to see and acknowledge their own faults

They are aware they we are all wounded and may have various prejudices.  They don’t judge others for their own prejudices, but rather see it as a part of the person’s own inner wounding that has yet to be healed.  They know that there are aspects of themselves that they don’t like either, and they’re willing to swallow their ego and acknowledge those parts regardless. 

#9 – They understand that we are all unique — and that’s okay!

They know that not everyone is going to agree on everything all the time.  They are accepting of differing views and opinions.  They don’t label themselves as “right” and another person as “wrong” or visa versa.

#10 – They take responsibility for their lives

They don’t blame other people for what happens to them in their lives.  They take personal responsibility for how they’re actions created a certain outcome.  They are willing to look at how they influenced each and every situation and act accordingly.

#11 – They’re connected to their own inner guide

They’ve been able to clear their minds of the constant mind chatter in order to hear an inner voice that is greater than them.  They are able to act in accordance to their inner guidance with trust and faith, despite not having external validation.

Take action now!

Out of the list above, are any of these 11 signs of authenticity harder for you to do than others?  Do some come a little more “natural” to you?  How do you struggle to be authentic in your relationships and life?  Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Why We All Need a Creative Outlet

The other day I got to talking with a client about writing.

She used to write several years ago and was even published in a magazine, but stopped because she, basically, got all caught up in working her full-time job and, well, living life. Currently, she has been feeling the urge to start writing again, but has been really struggling to get started.

Needless to say, I could definitely relate.

About two years ago I started my coaching business and setup this website.

I knew I wanted to blog in order to help market my coaching because I absolutely loved writing, but, to be completely honest, I had no clue what to write about.

The coach I was working with at the time told me to write something around at least 20 titles for potential blog posts. Needless to say, I could only come up with five titles and then found myself saying, “But that sums up everything I need to say”.

Clearly, my ego was having a heyday with this one.

This struggle of coming up with 20 different blog titles, then led to being highly self-critical about the articles I did write. My coach offered to look over some of my articles that I wrote to critique so I would send her every single article I’d write.

About 95% percent of the time, she would simply respond in saying “Great job!” or “I love this one!” without very minor critiques. Needless to say, I would then react with, “But… are you sure? There’s got to be something terribly wrong with it, right?”

I was constantly worrying about if my articles made sense, if people resonated with anything I said, if what I said was good or correct, and if I had all my grammar, syntax, and spelling errors all figured out.

I was stuck in that place where nearly everybody goes when they have a creative outlet… a place of resistance.

A place that is saturated with inner voices of “That’s not good enough” or “You’re doing it wrong”. A place where we can find ourselves with a motivation to be “perfect” and nothing less.

Fortunately, for me, this wasn’t the first time I had to deal with this kind of resistance when doing a creative outlet. A year earlier that I had taken up watercolor painting while living in South Korea. I had always wanted to learn how to paint, but I never had the opportunity to learn. I heard about a local art teacher who spoke English, so I took advantage and signed right up.

I went in thinking it’d be fun and relaxing.

Boy was I wrong…

My very first class my art teacher gave me a picture of a sunflower and told me to paint it. No instruction. No guidance. No help whatsoever. She just wanted to see “what I could do”.

Needless to say, I freaked out. I spent the majority of that first class stopping to second guess myself and then looking her direction asking, “What do I do now?” but getting little to no guidance.

Even once we started the actual teaching and learning process, this didn’t change very much for me. Yes, I was learning skills, techniques, and getting a lot more help and guidance, but my inner critic certainly didn’t quiet down. In fact, it got louder.

I’d spend my 3 hours painting two nights a week dealing with this voice in my head saying, “You’re gonna mess this up”, “You’re doing it wrong”, “You can’t do this” and so on.

It seemed that my biggest struggle in learning how to paint wasn’t actually getting the techniques down, but gradually learning how to quiet my mind down enough so that I could paint really well.

And, eventually, it managed to quiet — just as it did in my writing as well. Of course it’s not fully 100% gone, but it’s not nearly as loud as it was. I’ve learned how to manage it — and, because I learned how to manage it, I’ve been able to create many beautiful paintings and written many beneficial articles.

Getting through the mud is tough, but once you manage to break through it, it is so miraculous to finally be able to bloom.

There’s a flow that starts to happen and your intuition seems to guide you to things that start to really energize you and make you feel inspired and excited about what you’re doing. You start to feel more in-tune with your own inner truth.

And that’s why we all need a creative outlet — its not to simply create things — but because we allow ourselves to fully express our true selves. We allow our own inner light to shine through in our creations.

InnerLightCreations

Click to Tweet: We allow our own inner light to shine through in our creations. via @jenilyn8705

That’s why expressive arts therapy can be so effective. The process of confronting and overcoming the inner blocks in our minds allows a great healing to take place.

We can heal old wounds and release old blocks, so that we can express what our souls truly want us to express.

So pick up that paint brush, commit to doing the work, and allow yourself to shine.

Take action now!

In the comments below, share with me one creative outlet that you would like to take up then make a plan to do it!

When the New “Cool” Becomes Getting Married and Having Kids

I’m 28 years old. Single and childless.

And even though I’m currently in a relationship, marriage and children are hardly on the top of my list of “things to accomplish in the next 5 years”.

With just a simply glance at my Facebook timeline, it’s apparent that I’m part of a minority, as it appears that the majority of people around my age are heavily immersed in weddings, anniversaries, and babies.

When the whole “wedding fever” began when I was in my early 20s, it honestly used to really bother me. I’d have friends who I was once really close with now rarely have time to hang out because they’d “like to be home” with their husbands. And even when I would hang out with my married or soon-to-be married friends, the conversations mostly evolved around weddings, decorating new homes, and who was getting pregnant.

I felt so, well, confused.

My first thoughts when this “wedding fever” began was something like, “Wait, so we’re all just graduating college and getting married now? Why? Isn’t there anything else we all want to do?”

But, alas, the weddings continued and became even more frequent as time when on.

These initial feelings of confusion quickly turned into feelings of feeling left out. It was as if I were trying for the varsity volleyball team and, despite all my hard work and effort, I just didn’t make the cut.

I dated quite a bit and had a few more serious relationships, but I was hardly ever able to get into a relationship that was capable of more long-term stability. Communication, boundary, and simple “he’s just not that into you” issues were abound.

I wanted to do the new “cool” thing like all my friends were so we could talk wedding and marriage stuff and I could feel like I was a “part of the group”, but it just wasn’t happening. And I had no idea why.

Then, around the age of 24, I decided to stop trying to make things work that weren’t going to and I decided to move… halfway around the world.

So I moved to South Korea with the intention to teach English for a year then move back to the Midwest. Needless to say, one year turned into a year and a half and rather than moving back to the Midwest I found myself moving to the West Coast to go to grad school.

When you go through that many changes in your life due to traveling, it’s hard to continue to be concerned about the same things that were once really troubling you while you were in your old culture. You’re constantly changing and growing because your outer world is always changing. Anything that just really doesn’t effect us very much in our current environment, simply falls away and becomes hardly a concern.

That is the interesting thing about travel — when everything in our external world is shockingly turned upside down there is much less room to worry about “fitting in”, so the main focus becomes “Who am I?”

Essentially, the only thing that becomes the same in your world is you…

You at the very core of your being…

You that is unchanging regardless of time, age, and location…

You as your own truth self.

So I got out of the “I need to fit in” mentality. I stopped caring about the fact that everyone was getting married and having babies. I stopped caring about what other people thought.

Instead, I did my own thing…

…enjoying the life of traveling and taking up hobbies of painting, photography, and writing. In doing so, I gradually became more and more in-tune with me… the real me. The me that has always desired to explore and learn about the world and, simply, enjoy the beauty and love of this world fully and completely. The me that is fascinated about about psychology and what makes people tick.

As I became more in-tune with my true self and allowed the part of me that was so worried about “fitting in” with the marriage culture to dissipate, something else happened. Something that, at that point, I wasn’t expecting to happen…

I finally found a stable and loving relationship.

It has never been about getting a stable job, a house, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence with your spouse by the age of 30 in order to “keep up with the Jones’s”. Nor has it ever been about judging others for not getting married and having kids or for getting married and having kids.

What it is about, and always has been about, is being true to yourself.

It’s about doing what you know in your heart is true for you regardless of what everyone else around you is doing. After all, they’re not who you need to live with for your entire life. The most important person you have to learn how to live with is you.

PersonLiveWith

Click to Tweet: The most important person you have to learn how to live with in this world is you. via @jenilyn8705

Choosing Happiness Doesn’t Mean You Should Settle

This past week I posted on my Instagram and Facebook the quote, “Happiness is a Choice”.

While I obviously agree with the idea that happiness is a choice, the post got me thinking about it a bit deeper and thinking about how others may interpret its meaning.

Yes, happiness is something we choose to do. We can get a new job, live in a new location, get new friends, and find a new partner but if we continue to stay in this state of mind of pessimism or negativity with beliefs like “I’m the victim” or “I’m not worthy” then, clearly, we’re not going to be very happy.

If we don’t make a conscious choice to be happy then we’re going to keep ourselves locked up in this cycle of self-defeating thoughts. So even if something really good and amazing does come into our lives then, chances are, it’s not going to last very long cause we’ll either A. Mess it up our relationship with our super awesome new boyfriend or B. Never really appreciate them by realizing how good they truly are for us.

It’s our own inner shifts that really determine the level of satisfaction and happiness that we experience in our external world.

But — let me be clear — just because happiness is an internal choice that we have to make, it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to settle.

Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we all need to settle for our less-than fulfilling job. Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t mean that we need to settle with our romantic partner that we don’t quite fully “gel” with for whatever reason. Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t mean that we should never pursue our inner desire to travel the world.

Just because happiness is a choice, it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to settle for living a life that others expect us to live rather than how we, deep down in our core, truly want to live.

Yes, happiness is a choice but that doesn’t mean that we also need to repress our own inner truth in the process of doing so. Listen to that inner voice that is guiding and leading you to great things.

ListenToInnerVoice

Click to Tweet: Listen to that inner voice that is guiding and leading you to great things. via @jenilyn8705

Honor that inner guide fully and completely — but don’t expect that the action of breaking up with your boyfriend, quitting your job, or moving to another country is going to be the one thing that is going to completely transform your life. ‘Cause if you think it is, you’re going to be really disappointed.

… trust me. I know.

I did it 4 years ago when I decided that I was going to move half-way around the world to South Korea to teach English for a year. I was feeling very unfulfilled, out of place and as if I had lost myself somewhere along this path of becoming an adult.

I figured, well, maybe if I move out of the country and decide to just do “my own thing” that will be all I need to do to solve my problems.

“Ha!” the Universe said, “Oh silly, naive girl, you have so much more to learn…”

Oh boy was I wrong.

So very wrong.

The joke was on me.

I thought I was stressed, unfulfilled, and had relationship problems when I left the US, but within the first 4 months I started to experience even more stress, unfulfillment and relationship problems.

I found myself in the most challenging and emotionally damaging romantic relationship of my life.

It wasn’t until after that relationship ended that I gradually started to do the inner work. It was then that I really started to focus less on others and begin to really look at myself. It was then that I started to make self-care a priority.

It took me a while to fully realize that it’s the inner shifts that need to happen before I can really experience the outer shifts. But had I never gone. Had I never taken the leap of faith to hop on a plane an fly half way around the world by myself, would I have experienced the same inner shifts?

It’s very unlikely.

I never would’ve ran into the right people that would have guided me to the right books that would’ve never instilled in me the right ideas to cause such changes. And for that —regardless of how painful those relationships may have been — I am forever grateful.

After all, the lotus can’t bloom if there isn’t any mud.

Happiness is a choice that we have to make, but that doesn’t mean we need to settle. Trust the guidance of your intuition. Trust that sense you may feel to get out of that relationship, to move, or to quit that job. Of course, think ahead and plan effectively and rationally, but listen to it and trust it. Trust it even if everyone in your life doubts you or thinks it’s a bad idea because it is your choice and your inner truth — not theirs.

If we follow our inner guidance in faith and act with a willingness to learn, grow and experience change, a transformation will occur. The journey is hardly easy, but, at the end of the day, it’ll be nothing short of miraculous.

Reflections from My Weekend in NYC with Gabrielle Bernstein

Last weekend I went to New York City for the very first time to attend Gabrielle Bernstein’s second Spirit Junkie Masterclass Level 1.

I heard of Gabby’s masterclass when she first started it last year, but I told myself “Eh not this year” because I had already done Marie Forleo’s B-School that year and I just didn’t have the money to go.

When this new year started, I hadn’t even thought of it until I went to one of Gabby’s talks this past February in San Francisco. It was during that talk that she casually mentioned her masterclass in response to someone’s question. When I heard it, I felt a strong pull to sign up this year. Something in my heart, some little voice kept coming up and saying “go”.

I didn’t know how I’d get there at the time, but I knew I had to go so I just trusted and figured “if it’s meant to happen, some things will fall into place so that it can happen”.

Lesson #1: When you’re truly following your inner guidance and in-line with where you are truly meant to be, then things will fall into place naturally.

We don’t have to push it or try to force it to happen. It flows easily and effortlessly.

So there are a few things that happened…

For starters, around the time of that talk I was hired for as a counselor at a job where I could get hours as part of earning my masters degree in counseling psychology. And — unlike most people who are trying to get their hours in prior to graduation — I managed to get hired for a paid position. So more income? Check!

The next month I started doing the work to file my taxes. After adding in all of my income, deductions, etc. etc. etc. it turned out that I somehow managed to get a pretty darn good tax refund (probably the best I’ve had in my life… ever). So a decent sized check with more money that didn’t involve me doing any extra work? Check!

Then, to top it all off, in those next few months I had an increase in the amount of coaching clients. Woo hoo! Check!

So, because I managed to somehow get this extra amount of money that I wasn’t necessarily planning on I then flew from coast to coast to New York City (for the very first time) to attend Gabby’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass.

Overall, the class was nothing short of, simply, remarkable and there are not very many words that I can use to fully describe it. In fact, everyone that has asked me so far how the masterclass was, I have such a hard time trying to explain it. Words really just don’t do it any justice… honestly.

Anyway — at the masterclass, I was able to meet many different people (mostly women, with a few guys) from all around the world.

After the Saturday I was so excited about being in NYC that I decided I was going to go all about the city and explore and see as much as I possibly could.

After Sunday (our last day), on the other hand, I actually found myself overcome by this feeling of sadness. Though I visited with several ladies at the class and even afterwards at the hotel, I was overcome by this feeling of being alone and supported.

Lesson #2: Just because you think you may have healed something fully because the issue no longer exists in our current life, it doesn’t mean that it is completely 100% healed.

The wound may still be lingering deep within our psyche, where it may be unconscious to us most of the time.

I didn’t realize it as it was happening but in hindsight I realized that these emotions were perfectly correlated to a few dreams I had in the past few months. In the last few months I had some dreams come up where I was younger and back in school and feeling very left out and unsupported by classmates.

I wasn’t sure why this was coming up or what it meant at the time, but my sudden feeling of sadness and feeling unsupported after the class made me realize that these emotions came from that unconscious part of myself. It seemed that these wounds, that were buried deep into the unconscious of my psyche and only came up in my dreams occasionally, had now completely surfaced in my conscious mind.

And boy did they hit hard.

So what did I do? Well, I did the best thing and, really, only thing I could do…

I felt them. Fully and completely.

Lesson #3: In order to heal it, you have to really let yourself feel it.

As Gabby’s coach, Rha Goddess who gave a keynote at the masterclass says, “Feeling a feeling for 90 second can transform it”. So I let myself really feel it. After all, I didn’t cry during the masterclass at all, which was a little odd cause it seemed that everybody cried at some point or another. So I gave myself the time and space at this time to really feel it.

After I gave myself to really feel and process those feelings alone in my hotel room, it seemed that something cracked open. I started writing in this new notebook that I brought. In the process of writing, it appeared that something completely new was coming out on the page.

What emerged on the page was new, unique, and… the true message of all my work at its very core. My inner guide that I was not fully connected with completely emerged on that page. And it gave me all I needed to know about where to focus in my teaching, coaching, and writing.

I felt energized, aligned and oh-so-excited to start sharing this message with others.

Which leads me to my last and final lesson…

Lesson #4: When you are able to recognize your fear as only fear and you let yourself really feel that fear, your true self begins to shine.

TrueSelfShine

Click to Tweet: When you are able to recognize your fear as only fear & you let yourself feel that fear, your true self begins to shine. via @jenilyn8705

Let yourself really feel it, my friends — and I mean really feel it. Recognize the fear, feel it, and then allow your true self to emerge… it’s waiting.

Much love,

Jennifer

How to Know When to Say I Love You

For several weeks — possibly even over a month — I had been debating about doing the one thing that take any new relationship to the next level: When to say I love you.

I can’t remember exactly when the thought first crossed my mind to say those words to my current boyfriend.  However, I noticed that whenever I saw him after being apart for several days or after he did something incredibly sweet or supportive, the words would almost pour out of me.  I feared that one day I would accidentally say it — surprising both myself and him.

The whole process of saying “I love you” was a bit different in this relationship in that in my past relationships normally the guy dropped the L-bomb shortly after I began thinking about saying it.  I had never found myself caught up in this inner debate with myself as to when to say I love you.  In the past, the guys were always the bold and vulnerable ones… I just followed their lead.

This time though, I found myself waiting and waiting and waiting… but he would just never say it.  As a result,  I found myself doing the silly thing that most young people do nowadays when they are bounded by fear at the thought of saying those three words: I went to google for advice.

I read article after article with all kinds of theories and ideas on the topic.  Some people proclaiming how women should never be the first to say it because it can sound needy, while others saying that men shouldn’t be the first to say it either because it might freak the woman out.  Others were giving statistics on how most guys say it at 3 months and how women often wait until the 4 or 5 month mark.

After a searching google for advice for days and (admittedly) weeks, I found myself a bit overwhelmed and all this online advice to be, well, just flat out silly.

You see, all these articles and google searching was only doing one thing for me: It was keeping me in a state of fear.  All this did was waste my time and put more energy into my own fear of being vulnerable.  This fear of him not reciprocating was only keeping my heart closed and preventing me from really speaking my truth and allowing myself and the relationship to move forward.

This is what many of us do when it comes to doing anything that requires some vulnerability in our relationships.  Whether it be saying “I love you”, asking whether to move in together, or proposing marriage.  There is often that period where we get caught up in fear.  We start second guessing and asking ourselves things like “How will the other person react?”, “Will they reciprocate?”, “Will this help the relationship move forward or will it move it backwards?”

This fear disconnects us from the truth that is within our heart.  It makes us uncertain as to how and when we should proceed.  It can make us hesitant as to when and how it would be a good time to say what we want to say.

So what should we do when we find ourselves caught up in fear of being vulnerable?  How can we clear out the fear so that we can truly know with confidence that it is the right time to say “I love you”?

Be still.

For starters, its important to take some time to be still and simply breathe.  When we get all caught up in fear of being vulnerable the mind can begin to overact.  When the mind is on overdrive, it can be hard to really tap into what we feel in our heart.

So take some time for a day or several days to meditate for 15 minutes.  Focus on the breath and allow yourself to become calm over hearing the nature sounds or meditative music.  If sitting still doesn’t quite work for you, then it can also be beneficial to go for a walk or do some kind of exercise.  Getting into your body by doing some kind of movement can help calm the mind down so you can really know when your heart and intuition is guiding you to do.

Know that it’s not the end of the world if it is not reciprocated.

Realistically, who doesn’t like to hear that someone loves them?  Chances are that whether it is reciprocated or not, your partner is still going to feel flattered.  And yes, if the other person doesn’t reciprocate it is going to suck for a while (trust me, I know), but it isn’t the end of the world.

Yes it hurts and it will hurt for a while, but it doesn’t mean that you won’t survive it.  You’ll get through it.  It may not always create the most comfortable situation, but by expressing your true feelings it does open the door for more opportunity and personal growth to happen — both for yourself and the other person.

Follow your heart.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, only one thing truly matters: The truth of your heart that wishes to be expressed.  If you can really truly feel it in your heart that you love the person, then say it.  Life is too short to live bounded by fear.  People deserve to know that they are loved, appreciated, respected, and supported — whether they are really truly open and receptive to hear it and accept it or not.

So how can we really know when it’s the time to say “I love you” when we are centered and feel that it is true in our heart — not when we know 10 of our partner’s hobbies or immediately once you hit the 6 month mark.  Ditch the rules, ditch the statistics, ditch the fear… just take a moment to stop and get centered and look within your heart.  If the calling is there, then follow it.

SayILoveYou

Take action now!

Stop what you are doing right now and allow yourself to get centered.  Sit up straight in your seat, focus on your breath, and focus on how you feel in your body.  Allow yourself to relax and be calm.

Once you feel calm and centered, ask yourself the question that you have been contemplating lately.  It may be whether to tell your partner “I love you”, whether to ask them to move in together, whether you want to propose, or whatever.

When you ask yourself the question, focus on your heart center.  Do you feel expanded and open open when you say it?  Does it feel like there is a sense of release when you think about doing it?  Then go ahead and do it! 🙂

How to Know If Your Intuition is Telling You “Yes” or “No”

Intuition.  It’s that subtle vibe, that gut feeling, that little voice that helps to guide us through life so that we, hopefully, find ourselves in the place where we can function at our highest good.  It can help us to avoid jobs that we hate, stressful relationships, car accidents, unhelpful doctors, and to even avoid buying things that we simply don’t need.

For some of us, trusting our intuition is relatively easy while for others it is much more difficult.  Yet, regardless of where we are on the spectrum, we have all struggled in trusting our intuition at some point or another.

And it always seems harder to know what our intuition is telling us when a very crucial decision needs to be made — that life-changing job offer, the big move across the country or to another country, or to take that next step in your relationship.

The reason why it is so difficult to know what our intuition is telling us when we have such critical decisions is because there’s a lot more fear involved.  We have more anxiety about making the wrong decision — and our minds can tend to go on overdrive to the point that we overanalyze and can become paralyzed in making the decision.

But, regardless of how crucial the the decision is — regardless of how much fear and worry you have in the decision — your intuition is still there giving you subtle signs over what you should do.

So how can you know?  Here’s some tips:

 

Now, in case you can’t or didn’t watch the video here’s a recap:

The key in really know what your intuition is telling you is to tone down your thinking mind.  Slow down, draw you attention from your mind and draw your attention more into the body.

So now when you think of one the options that you have, notice how you feel in your body when you think about it.  Do you feel constricted?  Suffocated?  Limited?  Frustrated?  Irritated?  Closed-off?  If so, then you’re intuition is telling you a big NO.

Now, if you think of one of your options and you feel expanded, excited, opened, limitless, joyful, and happy — then your intuition is telling you a big YES.

These differences can be very subtle so if we continue to second guess ourselves then it’s likely that it will be harder and harder to know what our intuition is telling us.

So I’m going to tell you one of the things that many of my teachers growing up always told me whenever it was time to take a multiple choice test:  Never erase the first guess to your answer unless you are absolutely sure that it is wrong.  Because the majority of the time, our first guess is going to be the right one.

Here’s the reason I’m telling you this: Because from what I’ve learned in my own personal experience, 9 times out of 10 my very initial split second thought, feeling, or reaction is my intuition shining through.  Intuition hardly ever (actually, probably closer to never) emerges after analyzing it for 3 days.

Intuition emerges in that split second — and it can pass so fast that sometimes it’s hard to catch it.  It shines through in a moment where there is no fearful thought there to block it.

Share your own personal story about following your intuition!

And so, in the comments below I want you to share a time where you followed your intuition?  What was the outcome?  How was your experience?  Did you trust it right away or did you debate it for a while?

OR you can share a time when you didn’t follow your intuition?  What was the outcome?  What was more challenging about it?  How did you feel?