Tag Archives: happy

7 Beliefs Worth Having

The original version of this article was originally shared on Elephant Journal.

In many spiritual circles, the idea our belief systems can hinder our growth and healing is quite common.

Though things like religious or political beliefs can easily be recognized, there are many internal beliefs that we have that many of us are not consciously aware of.  Many of us have beliefs like:

I will never be good enough.

I’ll never find a partner right for me.

I’m not pretty enough.

Bad things always happen to me.

People are ridiculous.

I shouldn’t pay for a massage because its too expensive.

Through this process of recognizing our limiting beliefs in order to heal them and let them go, it can be easy for one to fall into the idea that there are no beliefs that are worth having.

Well, I think there is a little problem with this.

There’s a reason we had those beliefs to begin with: Our beliefs give us a foundation. They help us to be grounded in the world.   They can provide us with a solid foundation to build, grow and heal from.

When we push ourselves to have no beliefs at all, then we may find ourselves confused and off balance.

Here are seven non-limiting beliefs to provide you with a solid foundation for your own self and spiritual development:

#1 – Everything in the world is constantly evolving

Nothing ever stays the same in this world. Just as the seasons change, so do people, places, and things. We cannot stop it or control it, but rather move with the flow of this natural evolution.

#2 – Nothing in this world is absolute

People die, relationships end, and we discover that what we thought works actually causes more problems than it solves. The universe will change and adjust as we do. It is conscious and has a “mind” of its own. Just when we think we know something, the universe shifts to prove nothing that we think to be true is absolute.

#3 – The world is filled with endless possibilities for creation

Simply, if we believe that anything is possible then nothing actually is impossible. If we believe nothing is impossible, then we create the mindset needed to create the seemingly impossible.

#4 – We are always supported

Completely taking away the possible religious or spiritual beliefs and putting them aside, if we believe that the universe will always support us then it releases any fear we may have of doing something.  If we believe that we can jump and something is there to catch us, then it makes it easier for us to jump.

AlwaysSupported

Click to Tweet: You are always supported. via @jenilyn8705

#5 – We deserve the life of our dreams

If we believe that we deserve everything that we’ve ever dreamed of then we hold no limitations on actually making that a reality.

#6 – We are happiness, joy, and love

If we believe that we and everyone in this world at the deepest core of their being is happiness, joy, and love already then we allow that to not only emerge within us but in others as well.

#7 – Heaven is a place on earth

Yes I know this probably sounds super cheesy, but its a belief worth having. When we believe heaven is already right here on earth right now then we can actually create and make it seen to more people.

What are some beliefs that you think are worth having?  Share them below!

I’m an Introvert. Here’s How I Learned to Be in My Power

I always used to be the quiet kid.  You know, the one that hardly ever said anything in class and was often referred to as “shy”.

Rarely would I ever raise my hand to participate.  It often produced too much anxiety to do so — and, I’ll admit, at 29 years old it still can from time to time.

I didn’t have many friends and I would often get teased by other kids for being so quiet and shy.

In grade school, I often saw it as if something was wrong with me.  Why was I not a social butterfly?  Why didn’t I like drawing attention to myself?  Why did I not have many friends?

After all, that’s how we are “supposed” to be in this society in order to be considered “normal”… so why couldn’t I just be that?

Despite getting older and going to college, feeling this pressure to be more social and extroverted didn’t go away.  In fact, it some ways, it got worse.

I got a roommate who was very extraverted and couldn’t understand why I’d want to sit in my room and read or write quietly for hours.  I’d get friends who would get mad over the fact that I would use text rather than call them.  I even got a supervisor from an internship who would hound me for not being “social” enough.

Rather than to accept my own personality traits and harness them, I found myself wanting to somehow prove people wrong.  In order to “show them” that I was capable of being outgoing and social, I found myself agreeing to do sales jobs when they came available.  I’d push myself to be more talkative and try to maintain many friendships.  I figured that, by doing so, I’d receive more acceptance and support from others.

But, at the end of the day… I only felt more distressed and unsupported. I often felt overwhelmed and drained because I was trying to please other people rather than myself.

After a few months of living overseas in South Korea a few years ago, things started to change.  Living as an expat forced me to really look inward and focus on myself.  It was at that point in my life where I realized that the only person who has the power to make me happy is myself.

Click to Tweet: The only person who has the power to make us happy is ourselves. @jenilyn8705

So I became unapologetic about texting rather than calling.

I became unapologetic about not being super-talkative in my work environments.

I became unapologetic about sitting at home reading rather than going to some social event with a lot of people.

And I let go of my desire to please others.  I stopped caring what other people thought or expected of me and I allowed myself to be who I truly was.

As a result, I started to develop an amazing relationship with myself.

By improving my relationship with myself I’ve managed to…

… improve my health.

… reduce stress.

… feel really truly happy.

And by developing an awesome relationship with myself, I started to find myself in work environments where people supported and accepted my introversion.  I found myself in relationships, both personal and professional, with people who accepted my introversion rather than to push me to be something different.

Because I started to accept and love myself exactly as I am on the inside, others started to reflect that on the outside.

AcceptLoveOurselvesOthers

Click to Tweet: When we love and accept ourselves, we give others permission to love and accept us as well. @jenilyn8705

Through loving and accepted myself exactly as I am, I’ve been able to finally feel stand in my own power and be in-tune with my true self.

Which, I suppose, someone who knew me as a kid would never expect.  How on earth can the shy and quiet girl ever stand in her power?

Well, ironically, she can… and it didn’t come from being super talkative, extroverted and outgoing as so many people have thought I “need” to be.  Rather, it’s been by fully loving and accepting myself the way I truly am and allowing my truth to be expressed, whether that pleases people or not.

What do you need to let go of so you can truly step into your power?  Share in the comments below!

The cart is still open for my 5-week course, Your Power: How to Harness Your Energy So You Can Truly Shine!  Click here to learn more.

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11 Signs of a Truly Authentic Person

In the last week or two, the topic of authenticity has been coming up in my life.  The discussion of authenticity came up a couple times in a class and then it came up again during a therapy session.  This led me to sit back and ask myself: What actually constitutes a truly authentic person?

Upon deeper introspection, I came to the conclusion that becoming authentic is a lifetime — and beyond —  process.  It’s like peeling an onion and over time as we grow, heal, and love ourselves more and more, we become more of who we truly are.

There can be moments when we are truly expressing our authentic selves and then there are moments that trigger our inner wounds.   We then find ourselves acting in a way that’s out of alignment with our own inner truth and, instead, acting as a reaction to our wounds being reactivated.

So as I said before, it’s a lifelong process, but this doesn’t mean that it’s something we shouldn’t aspire to.  Just because it may take time and practice to do a headstand in a yoga class, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t bother doing the work so you can eventually do it with ease.

So here are the 11 signs of a truly authentic person:

#1 – They recognize the emptiness in material things

They’re not out buying Gucci with the hope that it will make them happy.  While they may enjoy material things, they don’t see it as “If I just have this one item, then I’ll be happy”.  They also don’t rate other people based on the material items that they have or don’t have because they know it doesn’t hold much meaning.

#2 – They recognize that experiences make their lives richer

They’re aware of how life experiences create more meaning and richness in our lives.  They are open to explore and learn, both externally and internally.

#3 – They truly listen to others

They don’t listen in order to respond.  Nor do they listen to others while being distracted by their phone, the TV or whatever else may be a distraction.  They’re able to be fully present with another person.  They’re able to listen to others with a genuine interest and care for the other person.

#4 – They express their true thoughts, feelings and views unapologetically

They don’t say things that they don’t truly mean.  They don’t do things that they don’t really want to do.  They are able to share their own unique thoughts, feelings and views without fear of other’s opinions.

#5 – They’re not out to please people

They know that by living their lives to please others all the time disconnects them from their own inner experience.  The know the importance of being aware, acknowledging, and expressing their own unique thoughts, feelings and views to the world.  They know that by expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world.

TrulyAuthenticPeople

Click to Tweet: Authentic people know that expressing their true internal experience, they are able to share their gifts with the world. via @jenilyn8705

#6 – They see value in giving love to others

They see value in giving love and kindness indiscriminately.  They understand that we are all connected and are willing to give others a helping hand.  They know that by helping others, they are helping themselves.  They allow and encourage others to express their own truth with love and acceptance as well.

#7 – They love themselves

They see themselves as a person of value who deserves love, kindness and support.  They provide themselves with adequate care to support their own health and well-being.

#8 – They are willing to see and acknowledge their own faults

They are aware they we are all wounded and may have various prejudices.  They don’t judge others for their own prejudices, but rather see it as a part of the person’s own inner wounding that has yet to be healed.  They know that there are aspects of themselves that they don’t like either, and they’re willing to swallow their ego and acknowledge those parts regardless. 

#9 – They understand that we are all unique — and that’s okay!

They know that not everyone is going to agree on everything all the time.  They are accepting of differing views and opinions.  They don’t label themselves as “right” and another person as “wrong” or visa versa.

#10 – They take responsibility for their lives

They don’t blame other people for what happens to them in their lives.  They take personal responsibility for how they’re actions created a certain outcome.  They are willing to look at how they influenced each and every situation and act accordingly.

#11 – They’re connected to their own inner guide

They’ve been able to clear their minds of the constant mind chatter in order to hear an inner voice that is greater than them.  They are able to act in accordance to their inner guidance with trust and faith, despite not having external validation.

Take action now!

Out of the list above, are any of these 11 signs of authenticity harder for you to do than others?  Do some come a little more “natural” to you?  How do you struggle to be authentic in your relationships and life?  Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Why Goal Setting Doesn’t Work — and Here’s What I’m Doing Instead

I’ve always been a pretty goal oriented person.

When I was about 16, I remember writing bucket lists and a list of “Things I want to do before I’m 30”.

Even when the month or two before I was planning to move to South Korea to teach, I was writing lists to lay out my plans as to what I was going to do while there and once I got back.  I had it all planned out that I was going to teach for a year, come back home, start my Masters to go into some special education and then be working full time and married by about 28.

Clearly, that didn’t happen.

In fact, it’s not even close.

I’m not living back in Illinois, I don’t have a masters in special education, I’m not full time teaching, and I’m most certainly not married.

And you know what?  The idea that I could’ve actually planned where I’d want to be after living abroad is completely ludicrous! 

There is no way that I could’ve accurately planned my life out post-Korea.  In order for that to work, I would’ve had to experienced nothing that was even remotely life-changing during my time living and traveling overseas.

But yet, many of us still set goals in this same old fashioned way.  We make New Years Resolutions to plan everything that we want to do that year.  We make lists of things we want to do and achieve by a certain age.  We make bucket lists of things we want to do in our life time.

But how often do we actually follow through with our goals?  And, more importantly, how often do we feel fulfilled and happy when doing and achieving things on our lists?

More often than not, achieving our goal doesn’t really give that much satisfaction.  We earn our degree only to now be freaking out over finding a job.  We take a vacation out to the Grand Canyon only to now be planning our next trip.  We pay off our debt only to now be completely focused on saving to buy a new car.

We’re so busy focused on doing the next thing on our list, that we don’t give ourselves much time to really sit back and enjoy. 

So I’ve recently ditched my old way of goal setting and have started a totally new method that I’ve been finding to be so much more effective.  I’ve actually found myself feeling more in the flow, more joyful, and much less stressed and overwhelmed.

Here’s what I’m doing in a step-by-step guide so that you can start doing the same:

#1 – Make the one and only goal to feel happiness and joy.

Make things super simple for yourself: Make your main goal to feel happiness and joy in your life.  Everything else that you do can be byproduct of being happy or an influence to experiencing more happiness and joy. 

If something doesn’t quite produce happiness and, instead, creates a lot of stress or pressure then it’s time to reflect on it.  Ask yourself:  Is it possible that I can be happy and joyful when doing this?  If so, then focus on changing your mindset.  If not, then it’s time to look at your other options.

#2 – Try to focus on more short-term goals.

I think one of the biggest mistakes we can do when goal setting is trying to plan out 3, 5, and even 10 years in advance.  How can we even know what place we will be in by that time?  A lot of things can happen between now and then. 

Plus, focusing that far in advance only takes us more out of the present moment.  It puts us in the mindset that “eventually, someday, I’ll be happy” when, truly, we can all experience happiness right here, right now.  In fact, its the only time we can find happiness is in the present moment. 

HappinessPresentMoment

Click to Tweet: Happiness can’t be found in the past or the future.  It can only be experienced in the present moment. via @jenilyn8705

So if you’re going to set a goal to do something, focus on things that you’d like to do in the next few weeks, months, and up to maybe a couple years (and for planning years in advance I mean: When making a big purchase and needing think about where you’ll be then).  Anything more than that is just going to be a waste because, more than likely, it’s going to be changed over and over and over again.  Save yourself the time and energy and just focus on what you can do now.

#3 – When setting a goal, ask yourself: Does this feel like I’ll find happiness and joy out of this or am I “pushing it”?

Simply: Don’t set a goal because you think you “should”.  Be honest with yourself.  Be true to you! 

I can assure you that you’ll have a hard time really experiencing happiness if you’re constantly worried about keeping other people and society happy.  So do what you love and what lights you up.  Life’s just simply too short to be focused on trying to live someone else’s life.

Take action now!

For this week, go out into the world with your main goal to be happy and joyful.  Carry joy with you wherever you go.  If you find yourself in a situation where it’s challenging, ask yourself: What good things am I gaining from this experience?  What am I grateful for?  How can I bring happiness and joy into this maybe not-so-great environment? 

Then report back here and let me know your experiences! 🙂

3 Essential Mindset Shifts to Living a Life You Love

Lately I’ve been on a kick in learning all about manifestation and happiness.  Reading books, listening to lectures, hearing about various meditations to try, and so on.

The motivation to really learn about all this has been coming from this deep inner frustration about one thing in my life.  So many other areas of my life I’ve been able to shift and make better, but in one area, for some reason, I’ve continued to feel stuck in this cycle that I’ve been unable to bust out of.

So, I figured, learning more about manifestation and achieving happiness in life would be beneficial.  In this process, I’ve come to several profound lessons where I have been able to feel some drastic shifts very quick.  So here are 3 essential mindset shifts that I think can really help us all live a life we love:

#1 – Realize that it’s not (and never has been) about where you are, but how you view it.

That shitty apartment your living in?  That toxic work environment?  That friend or family member that’s driving you crazy?  Sure, it makes things more challenging…

… but it shouldn’t be preventing you from experiencing happiness.

This was one of my first realizations upon moving to Korea and it’s taken quite a while for it to fully sink in:

It’s not about where you are in life, but about what you’re doing with what you have right now.

DoWithWhatYouHave_edited-1

Click to Tweet: It’s not about where you are in life, but about what you’re doing with what you have right now. via @jenilyn8705

If you’re pessimistic and bitter, then of course you’re going to be unhappy.  And sure, you can go ahead and start dating someone else or move out of the country, but nothing is going to change unless you do.  You’ll continue to carry those inner negative feelings everywhere you go until you decide, “Hey, I don’t want to feel that way anymore!”  So change your perspective.

#2 – Gratitude connects you to your soul. 

Always focusing on what we don’t have in life is very draining and keeps our minds locked into this state of fear and lack.  No miracles can emerge out of this if because it makes us blind from seeing the real opportunities that we have available.  It causes us to be trying to swim against the tide rather than to float along with it and trust.

So take some time each day in meditation to stop and connect to what you are grateful for.  Identify one thing — and it doesn’t have to be complicated.  This may be a person in your life, the fact that you have steady income, a pet, or the place you are living.  It could even be something super simple like the fact that the sun came up today or that there are birds chirping outside your window.

In meditation, visualize that person, place or thing that you are grateful for in your mind’s eye and then allow yourself to really feel the gratitude.  The shifts really happen from feeling, because it takes us out of our mind and into our hearts.  So be sure to really tune into that feeling and, overtime, you’ll begin to notice some definite shifts in your life.

#3 – Feel the way you want to feel right now rather than wait for something in your life to change.

A story I came across fairly recently was of a woman who had had a baby and was living on government assistance because her and her husband could barely afford basic cost of living.  Her husband ended up taking a job working at a place like UPS several states away because they were desperate for any money at all.

In her story she said that, while this situation didn’t appear so great on the outside on the inside she felt really truly happy.  She was enjoying life and really truly grateful for where she was at.  As a result, within just a few months she started a new work endeavor and ended up earning enough money in her new work that her husband was able to quit his job and move back with family.

The main lesson?  To start feeling what you want to feel “someday in the future” right now.

When I first heard this story my mind initially went to a fear-based thought of, “But if I feel all that joy and happiness right now, then maybe I won’t really do any actions to make changes in my life.  I’ll just be happy and stagnant”.

Clearly, this thought is really just a bunch of bullshit.

Because the second I decided to start feeling the way I’d like to feel “someday” I found myself feeling strong and confident in making decisions.  I started to feel more in-tune with my own intuition so I more clearly knew which direction I needed to take for myself.

So be grateful and choose to feel those feelings of happiness, joy, love, or whatever it is that you’d like to feel “someday” today, then simply be open for miracles.

Take action now!

Close your eyes and ask yourself: How would I like to feel “someday”?  Connect with that feeling in this present moment, then describe that feeling in the comments below!

Why We Struggle to Be Happy

I started therapy a little over a month ago.

I started going again for a few reasons:

1.  I was feeling kind of extra stressed over a few aspects in my life and I felt it’d be good to have a “sounding board”

2.  I found myself in a period where I’m wanting to look a little bit deeper at my own stuff.

3.  I’m required to have an X amount of therapy hours for my graduate program — PLUS this therapist that I found happens to be licensed, which means = I can earn hours towards my own MFT licensure.

Up until this past week, most of our sessions had been pretty “introductory” in nature.  You know, the classic story of “this is what my upbringing was like, this is my history, this is where I currently am in my life, etc. etc.” that can feel oh-so too often repeated if you’ve gone to therapy more than once or twice in your life.

Fortunately, this week happened to be the first session where some real therapy could actually start taking place.  And I was excited cause, frankly, I had felt like it was talking way too long to really get things going.

There was one problem though… I had nothing to talk about!  In the previous weeks I always came in stressed about something — something with work, something with school, something with roommates, something about my health, something about my relationship, and so on.  But this week everything was perfectly fine.  It was as if all problems either melted away or, there were problems, but I was generally apathetic or emotionally unaffected by it.

So what did I talk about?  Well, I did what do best at in therapy — I ramble.  I began talking about any random thing that had been going through in the past week.

As I rambled about whatever, my therapist would interject occasionally with a comment like, “So it looks like everything is going really great right now!” that was then followed up with comments like “That is so exciting!” and “That’s wonderful!”

You would think that with the way I was talking about everything I was excited, satisfied, and, well… happy.  But I wasn’t and, instead, whenever she made a comment like that I typically responded with something like, “Well yeah… except for this cough that I have.”

When the session was over and I was driving home I thought to myself, “Isn’t that funny?  She’s telling me how everything I’m saying looks wonderful and great and here I am trying to find things to be stressed about.”  It was something that I was completely unaware of!

And you know what?  We all do this!  Whenever life is actually “going right” we can find ourselves caught up in still trying to find and focus on the things that are “wrong”.

The reasons for this I see as kind of two-fold.

In one way, the reason that we find ourselves focusing on all the things that are “wrong” is because we are stuck in our habit of focusing on what is wrong.  If we are constantly focused on what isn’t good and what needs to change, then we train our brains to focus on the bad rather than to notice and enjoy what is good.

In another regard, we can also be struggling to truly accept what is good.  Our ego has us so caught-up in all of the problems and struggles that life presents to us that it is hard for us to truly see and enjoy the good.  It’s hard for us to really be positive because it’s almost like our ego has us “addicted” to the negative.

Regardless of the exact reasoning, it’s possible to get ourselves out of this focus on the negative and to really start being positive with just some conscious effort.  Here are some tips:

#1 Reflect every day by asking yourself the questions of…

How is everything in my life right now?  What is good?  What is “not-so-great”?  Am I really enjoying and being happy for the things that are good?

#2 Strive to find the good even in the “bad”.

Are you frustrated about your finances cause you’re barely making ends meet?  Then rather than get even more frustrated when a bill comes in, be joyful for it!  Are you frustrated that it’s snowing heavily outside so it takes even longer to drive home?  Be happy that you are in a place that has all 4 seasons!

#3 Be more positive!

Give the lady with a cute necklace standing in line behind you a compliment.  Smile at the people at the Post Office and ask them how there day is (despite the line being a bit too long).  Take the time to look at the sunrise or sunset and find the beauty in it.  Find the joy in the little things — and allow your inner joy to shine.

InnerJoy

Click to Tweet: Find the joy in the little things — and allow your inner joy to shine! via @jenilyn8705

Take action now!

In the comments below, list at least 3 positive things that are happening in your life right now!

The Secret to Being Happy in Any Relationship

I was a total chameleon in my relationships.

If someone else liked it, I liked it.  Anything they believed, I believed.  Any interest that they had, I would take that up myself.

To top that off, I was completely focused on other people’s experiences.  What they felt.  What they wanted.  What they thought.

It was all about nurturing them and taking care of them.  I had completely forgotten about me because I felt that I mattered less.  My feelings, thoughts, needs, and experiences were less valid and important than that of other peoples’.

The truth is, I had no idea who I was — or, more specifically, I was terrified of being myself. I was afraid to really allow my true self to be seen because I thought that by being myself I would be criticized and rejected.

I thought that if I made myself like them then they couldn’t possibly reject me and end the relationship.  I mean, why would anyone want to breakup with someone who makes them the center of their universe?  Why would a group of friends reject and criticize someone who is always putting everyone else’s needs first?

Needless to say, this method didn’t work too well.  I found myself heartbroken and disappointed over and over again.  I felt drained, unfulfilled, and as if I was giving too much.

I kept wanting more in my relationships.  I wanted something real.  I wanted to be deeply loved and supported while able to be my true self but I had no idea how to get that.

That is, until I came to realize one big life lesson:

That you can’t really have a happy and fulfilling relationship with anyone until you’ve created a happy and fulfilling relationship with yourself.

You have to learn to love you.  You have to learn to care for you.  You have to learn how to put your needs first before you can really genuinely give love to others.

FulfillingRelationshipWithYourself

So how can we begin to master the power of our self care so that we can start creating happy, loving and fulfilling relationships in our lives?

Become dedicated to your own self-awareness.

The absolute most vital component to taking care of yourself is to be aware of your own thoughts and feelings.  You have to learn how to be aware of and identify your own emotions.  It is also vital to be aware of your body and how it feels.  Do you feel exhausted or tired?  Are you feeling sad and depressed?

Self-awareness is a life-long journey, so there is no activity that you can do for an X amount of days and you have now become the “master” of self-awareness.  It’s just not realistic.  However, there is one super easy activity that you can start doing today that will help you take leaps in developing self awareness: Make it a regular habit to check-in with your body.  So throughout the day, periodically have “check in with your body” moments, especially during moments of stress.

Establish a self-care routine.

Having a routine for ourselves is more important for our personal well-being than we often realize.  I can definitely tell you from personal experience that during the days where I have steered very far away from my own self-care routine, you definitely don’t want to be around!

There is no one self-care routine that can fit for everyone, so it’s important to establish what kinds of things benefit you the most that this point in your life.  Do you feel a strong need to do yoga regularly each week?  Does starting your day with affirmations feel invigorating?  Does journaling before bed free emotionally soothing?  Does the rule of “no electronics” after 10 PM feel like it could help improve your sleep?

Create some morning and evening self-care practices for yourself and then make the commitment to yourself to sticking to that routine for at least 21 days.

Find moments throughout your day where your objective is to just “be”.

One of the best things I’ve personally discovered for caring for myself and reducing stress is to do something every day where, while doing it, my only goal is to just “be”.  No pushing to do things.  No thinking about all these other things that you should be doing.  Just simply being.

So what does this look like?  Lets say that for example every afternoon you regularly drink green tea.  As you drink this green tea during the afternoon, focus completely on the present moment.  Focus on the taste, the smell, the steam.  Allow yourself to really saturate the present moment and allow yourself to just be in the moment.

By doing these three things, over time you will find yourself with a greater sense of ease.  You’ll feel less stressed and be able to enter in to your relationships feeling completely re-charged and ready to share your own inner happiness and joy with the people around you.  Which, in turn, will make others feel better around you and enhance the joy and love that exists in your relationships.

Take action now!

What can you do for yourself in this very moment?  What can you do right now that will make you feel better?  Share it in the comments below, then go do it!

How to Be Happy When Other People are Draining You

I’ve always been a pretty sensitive person.

I’m one of those people where if someone I’m living with comes home upset or stressed I’ll know it the second they walk in the door — even if I never even saw them.  If the people I’m coming to visit are upset or depressed, I will know the second I walk in the door.  If someone around me expressing their stress verbally (even if it’s not at all directed at me), my body feels all shaken and it’s very challenging for me to focus on any task.

To top that off, with some people I can find myself so incredibly in-touch with their being, that I’ve found myself describing and explaining their emotions and experience as if it is my own.  As a result, I’ve really puzzled some friends through the years doing this cause they just couldn’t understand how on earth I could know so much about this other person’s experience without the person even openly sharing it with me.

Needless to say, being so sensitive isn’t a very easy thing to deal with.  In order to cope, it’s been a process of really learning how to set boundaries and put forth the effort to really focus on my own thoughts, feelings, and overall experience.

That was the ultimate problem after all — I was so in touch with other people’s stuff that I had absolutely no idea what my stuff was.  I was constantly blending in and getting really in-tune with others in order to best accommodate and make things better for them.

In that regard, it really is both a blessing and a curse.  It’s a blessing to know what people need in order to help support them and grow.  However, it’s a curse in that, in doing so, it’s a challenge to ever really know what one needs and truly take care of yourself.

And so, in the last few years my primary focus has been to focus on establishing boundaries in relationships and focusing primarily on my own experience.

This has worked fairly well, but the problem has been that I have still found myself overwhelmed and uber sensitive.  In fact, in some ways, probably even more sensitive than before.  It was then that I realized:

We can’t find inner peace and be in-tune with ourselves when we are pushing ourselves to ignore everybody else’s energies.

We have to remember to acknowledge and recognize what we have picked up, then take action to help ourselves.

Whether we realize it or not, we are always being affected by the energies of those around us.  You know that cranky customer you dealt with at work the other day?  His crankiness affected you.  You know that lady who started arguing with you in the comments section on an article on the Huffington Post?  She affected your energy.  You know that family member that “dumped” all their problems on you the other day?  They affected your energy.

All of these energies I mentioned above are lower-level energies.  When we allow ourselves to really become attached to that lower-level energy, it can really drag us down.  It can make us stressed, grumpy, cranky and a little less pleasant when you’re standing in line at Starbucks.

On the flip side, there are higher-level energies as well.  Like that customer who gave you an extra big tip or that person on the street who gave you a big smile and genuinely said “I have a great day”.  If we let these energies in, it can lift us up and really brighten our day.  It can make us less stressed, irritated, and worried.

It’s important to check in with yourself every day in every moment and interaction in order to notice if the energy is lifting you up or dragging you down.  If it’s lifting you up, then fan-freaking-tastic!  However, if you notice that it’s dragging you down then it’s time to take some action to protect yourself.

The following are a few things that you can do to help protect yourself from other people’s low-energies:

Make the effort to be around more positive people.

Are you constantly around people that complain about life all the time?  Are you constantly around people who are aggravated, worried, or stressed out about something?  If so, then you may want to create a little bit of distance in order to take care of yourself and give yourself some time to replenish yourself with higher energy.  You may also want to reach out to new people or groups that are generally more uplifting and inspirational.  People that energize you and bring fun and joy into your life.

That being said, another thing to consider is the TV, movies, and music that you are watching.  Does anything that you watch or listen to feel a bit harsh?  Does it feel like it drains you rather than energizes you?  If it does, then you may want to stop watching to these shows or listening to that music.  I know for me, certain hip-hop and rap is definitely on my big “no-no” list, along with horror films (at this point) and even a number of action films.

Also ask yourself how online or smartphone games or activities affect you.  Personally, I even find myself being drained when playing games on my phone at times.  I definitely can’t do any Candy Crush or Words with Friends for any long period of time without it draining me.

Take time every day to connect to your inner power.

A wonderful meditation that you can do is to breath while visualizing white light coming down through the top of your head with each inhale and then exhaling out through your heart.  As you breath, the white light begins to create a bubble of protection around you that expands more and more.

Doing a meditation like this can help us get re-centered and heighten our own energy.  If you feel like you need to really protect yourself from other people’s “stuff”, then you may also want to visualize mirrors being added to the bubble around you.  This way, anything that someone expresses to you get shined right back at them.

Make the conscious effort to focus on the positive.

You can do this through positive affirmations (like saying statements like “I am powerful”, “I have all that I need with me right now” or “I am love”) or by simply just focusing on creating positive thoughts throughout our day.  So whenever a thought of “I don’t have enough money” comes up, exchange it with a thought of gratitude like “I have enough money to have a water supply, clothes and food”.  Looking for all the positive things and focusing on that can help raise our energy so then we are less affected by other people’s lower-energy “stuff”.

Express positivity!

This may be a bit challenging to do at first if you’re stressed out or down in the dumps, but simply just go about your day with the intention to make everyone’s day a bit brighter.  Compliment that lady with the neat necklace at the grocery store.  Smile brightly at the store clerk, ask them how they are doing, and wish them a pleasant day.  Be open to chatting with people in the elevator.  Find and be open to ways to help make everyone else’s day a bit brighter.  It’s really just the little things, but the more you do it, the more you raise your own energy as well as those you cross paths with.

These are just a few tips right now, but the list can just go on and on.  Ultimately remember this: The power of your experience lies with you.  The more you focus on raising your own energy, then the better it will be.  The less you will be affected by other people’s “not so great” stuff and the more you will create and attract more positive things into your life.

PowerOfExperience

Take action to raise your energy right now!

List, at the very least, 10 things that you are grateful for in your life right now.  Truthfully, we should all be able to list thousands but I’ll make it a bit easy for you today. 😉

The Simple Mindset Shift To Make You Feel Fulfilled — Instantly!

For the past few weeks I have been going to an acupuncturist for my digestive issues.

As a way to track my progress, I’ve been keeping a daily journal.  It’s not so much of a “journal” as we would normally think of a journal.  Instead, it’s a bit more like a “this is what I ate today” and “this is what I felt like today” kind of journal.

Keeping the journal has been beneficial so that my acupuncturist knows what has been going on for me.  It’s also been helpful so that I can pinpoint any “not-so-great” foods that trigger some kind of bad reaction.

Well, for the first few weeks of working with my acupuncturist she asked me for information for each day of the week.  Every Friday to start my appointment I’d go ahead and whip out my journal and go over each day with her.

Then somewhere around my third week of working with her, I just happened to have a really bad week.  I felt miserable and I was very frustrated over the fact that I felt like my progress just completely stopped.

Fortunately, we managed to find some acupuncture points that needed some extra attention and we managed to get my system back in balance.

Now the next week, I came in and went through my journal on a day by day progress once again, but this time she stopped me and said, “Don’t break it down by the day.  Are you better this week from last week?”

This stopped me in my tracks a bit because, of course, I was habitually focusing on that one or two bad days that I had that week.  I had completely overlooked that this week had, in fact, been better than last week as a whole.

We all tend to do this all the time.  Whether it involve a health concern, a relationship dynamic, a career objective, or just some general goals that you have for yourself.

We tend to focus so much on what we have yet to do rather than how we have already done.  We tend to focus so much on our future objectives rather than to really look at what we have already accomplished.

Because we focus so much on what we have yet to do, we prevent ourselves from really feeling fulfilled right now.

That’s the super simple mindset shift: To take the time to really reflect on the past in order to really see how much progress we have actually made.

Fulfilled

So how can we really implement this?  Here a little guide you can follow…

Step 1:  Identify what it is that you are trying to accomplish, improve, or become better with.

This could be improving a relationships dynamic or to feel better physically.  It could be a career objective.  If you’re struggling to really know ask yourself: What in my life do I wish was better?  What do I want to feel more satisfied or fulfilled with?

Step 2: Put forth the effort!

Whatever it is that you are trying to improve — find a way to make it better!  Just start doing the work.

And please note, that I actually encourage you to not set any strict goals for yourself.  The reason for this is because when we set goals, there is disappointment that sets in when, for what ever reason, we don’t fully accomplish that goal.  We start to fall into this mindset of “I’m not good enough” which is exactly what we don’t want!

So the key here is to just start doing something!  Put forth the effort without any preconceived notion that your outcome has to be one particular way.  Just because your result isn’t exactly what you hoped for doesn’t mean that it is “bad” or “wrong”.

Step 3: Reflect on your progress!

You may, like me in my health situation, decide to keep a daily journal on your progress and then just reflect on the progress you made at the end of the week.

OR you spend time at the end of each week writing a journal entry to reflect on what you have done this week and how that has been better than the week before.

Another great thing to do if you are feeling really down and unfulfilled is to really look at your progress as a whole.  Ask yourself: How am I better now today than I was 3 months ago?  A year ago?  Three years ago?  5 years ago?

Step 4:  Treat yourself!

After you reflect, be sure to give yourself a little “pat on the back”.  You deserve it!  You’ve made progress to improve this thing that you’ve been wanting to make better in your life!

You may even want to go so far as to actually give yourself a little “treat” like that brownie you’ve been craving or some really uber healthy greens for dinner!  Or maybe it is a yoga class, a walk on the beach, or a nice warm salt bath.

Taking the time to really do this on a regular basis is a great way to give yourself some “fuel” so can really allow yourself to feel blissful, happy, and fulfilled.

Take action now!

Right now I want you to share some of the progress that you have made — it can be a big thing or something really small that you’ve made in the last week or month.  Share it in the comments below!

5 Things Women Need to Remember to Create The Best Life Imaginable

We all want the best life imaginable.  We want fulfilling relationships filled with love and connection and a career that we never get tired of.

But how many of us women actually KNOW how to create that for ourselves?  I mean, heck, as women we don’t have nearly as many role models to look to for inspiration and guidance on how to truly create the best lives for ourselves.

It’s easy to just sit and wonder puzzled over where to even begin.  So here are 5 things that every woman needs to remember in order to create the life of their dreams.

No person or thing else can make us happy – we have to give that to ourselves!

The habit that many of us fall into is thinking that other people and things are going to fulfill us.  We buy a brand new Gucci purse thinking that’s going to make our lack of emotional fulfillment in our job feel so much better.  We latch on to our new boyfriend with this underlying belief that “he will complete us” in some way.

The “tough love” truth here is that NONE of those things are going to make you fulfilled – or, at least, not for very long.  The only way that we can make ourselves happy and fulfilled is by doing things to give it to ourselves.

So stop and ask yourself: What activities make me happy?  What makes me feel happy and fulfilled as I do it?  Then start incorporating that into your daily life!

ALL emotions are valid.

Many of us women are either taught by our families or ex-boyfriends that our feelings and ridiculous and we simply just shouldn’t have them.  Well I’m here to tell you that is completely RIDICULOUS!  Emotions are the underlying drive to everything that happens in this world.

So rather than fall into the classic mental trap of “Oh I can’t express this emotion because people will think its ridiculous”, change the mindset to “This is my emotion.  It is real, it is valid, and it deserves to be nourished”.

Take care of yourself.  Except how you feel and do what you need to make yourself feel better.

Each and every one of us is struggle with our own unique battle.

Every single person is struggling in this world and, because of that, every single person is doing the best they can do at this point in time.  When we fully accept that, we can save ourselves a lot of unnecessary stress.

We can’t create the life of our dreams if we’re living someone else’s life.

Be willing to express your uniqueness to the world.  If every female in your family is a nurse and you don’t want to be a nurse, then don’t do it!  Be YOU.  Do what is best for YOU, not what other’s expect of you.

We ALL deserve the best life imaginable.

The single biggest reason many of us struggle to create the life of our dreams is because we don’t BELIEVE we deserve it.  There’s always that little voice in our heads that tells us “Why do I deserve the life of my dreams?”  Well, who and what says that you DON’T deserve it?  You are a wonderful human being and deserve to receive all the things your heart desires.  The more you believe that deep within yourself, the closer you get to achieving it.

best life

Tweet: Tweet: “You are a wonderful human being and deserve to receive all the things your heart desires.” ~ @jenilyn8705

Which of these 5 tips rings most true for you right now?  Share it in the comments below!