Tag Archives: guilt free

3 Steps to Tell Someone How You Feel Without Feeling Incredibly Guilty

We’ve all been there. You know, that moment when you feel like you have to tell someone how you feel or to inform them of a decision you made that you know will hurt them.

I know that at least for myself, it doesn’t seem to matter who it is or the situation involved but every time I have to do it I just feel an insane amount of guilt. Guilt, embarrassment, and shame… all followed with this internal dialogue of questioning whether what I said was worth saying.

Because of this, many of us try to avoid it. We keep dating that guy for longer than we should have because we’re terrified of hurting him. We avoid telling a friend how something they say or do hurts us because we are scared it will cause the friendship to end. We keep going to that therapist or doctor that we’re not completely happy with just because we don’t want to make them feel like they’re not good enough.

The problem with all these situations is that the truth of our feelings are never exposed. We fear hurting the other person so incredibly much that we’d rather stuff those feelings deep within ourselves and convince ourselves that we never experienced those feelings at all.

Sounds like the best solution, right? Well, it’s not all that great.

The truth is that even though we repress all those feelings, it doesn’t mean that the feelings themselves disappeared.

They’re still there; they are still alive within you. The only difference is that now you have repressed them and they’re buried somewhere deep to a point that you are no longer aware of them.

tell someone how you feel

Tweet: It’s better to say how you feel sooner than later. The longer you put it off, the higher chance of bigger problems later on. @jenilyn8705

These deeply repressed emotions are what the swiss psychologist Carl Jung described as the shadow. We are ourselves not aware of them, but they still emerge in a way so that others can see them. It can be seen in our own defense mechanisms. It emerges in our own unique self-defeating way that prevents us from full genuine intimacy.

The shadow can be very difficult to recognize, but it is important to be mindful and anticipate the need to confront it from time to time.

And so, it is very incredibly important for us to NOT hold back our genuine feelings. If we feel like our roommate is being too controlling or if they’re messiness is driving us crazy we have to tell them. By holding it back it only makes it worse down the road cause the emotions build up within us and we then tend to “explode”.

So how can we break through those barriers of fear so we can express our true emotions without feeling incredibly guilty?

Breathe.

Before you even say or do anything, be sure to breathe and get centered. The more the thing that we are about to share with the person has emotionally impacted us, then the more inclined we are to simply “explode” and let it ALL out right away. This is exactly what we DON’T want to do. So breathe, relax, and ease yourself into saying what you need to say.

Be mindful of how it is impacting the other person.

As I said previously, we don’t want to “explode”, we want to ease into it and share little bits at a time. By doing this, it makes it MUCH easier for the other person because then they are less likely to feel attacked. When sharing, also try to use empathetic communication, which involves saying things to acknowledge that you understand how the other person feels. This also helps to lower the tension.

Know that nothing you can say will ever be 100% perfect.

We can be as cautious as we can possibly be when we share certain things, but sometimes people are always going to find something little that you said and feel offended or hurt by it. Know that you ARE trying your best. Commend yourself for even being courageous enough to share this with the other person. It takes a LOT of risk! You deserve a pat on the back for trying.

Ultimately, keep in mind that what you are sharing is TRUE FOR YOU and because it is true for you it matters. Everyone will experience each situation slightly differently so it’s common to feel like you’re “wrong” if no one else experienced the same thing. Be honest and true with yourself. If we remember that, all the crazy guilt we experience can diminish quite a bit.

Tell Someone How to REALLY Feel Without Feeling Guilty!

Think of something that you want to tell someone but you’ve been putting it off to avoid hurting the person.  How could you say the truth now in the smoothest way possible?  How could you “ease them in” on the truth?

Share what you think would be the best thing to say or share your experiences below!

4 Ways to Stick With Your New Diet or Lifestyle Guilt-Free

So you’re feeling the need to make a new diet or lifestyle change. Maybe you’re wanting to trying this out

new diet

yourself or maybe a doctor or nutritionist has recommended it for you. Or maybe you’re trying to cut down on your drinking. Either way, you know it’s something you want to do for your own health and well-being.

Easy, right? Well, not exactly because by making this new diet and lifestyle change you’re going to have to to change your social activities a bit. Maybe it’s no longer eating pizza with your roommates on Wednesday nights or having several drinks on Friday night until the clock strikes two. You feel torn because, well, you want to have a social life but you also want to feel good and healthy.

Well, the first thing I want you to know is: EVERYBODY who makes a new diet or lifestyle change experiences this at some point or another. If you go out to eat at the bar and grill there will always be somebody who asks you why you are the only person not having a beer.

Personally, I’ve struggled with this quite a bit. Currently, on a special diet where I’m gluten-free, dairy-free, and many other things. Based on my experience, here are the ways that have helped me to stick with my new diet and lifestyle guilt-free:

 

Know that you deserve to get what your desire for yourself.

Focus on what it is that you desire to get from this change. To reduce stomach problems? To have more energy? Whatever it is, consider what your goal is for doing this, add that in the blank, and then tell yourself out-loud: I deserve to have ________. You may want to try saying it as many times as you feel drawn to or play around with the wording as you go. Be sure you say it out loud because it can create a strong effect than simply saying it in our mind.

Tell everyone about your new diet or lifestyle.

This is what I know I really struggled with. I always felt like people were prying with all their questions whenever I simply decided not to eat the bread. “Why does this have to be such a big deal?” I used to think, and then I’d struggle to stick with my plan. What I eventually realized is that it was a sign from the universe to stand up and really tell people my goals. It was a matter of genuine self expression – of being both true to myself and other people. To stop trying to live a lie simply because I feared someone being critical and not accepting my own choices. And the funny part? I’ve actually been able to stick to my new diet and lifestyle change with greater ease because I now tell EVERYONE. Not only are we being completely honest with others and ourselves by saying it, but it also helps to solidify our goal so we are less likely to not follow it. Like, if I tell everyone at dinner that I’m gluten-free I’m much less likely to cheat with some bread and soy sauce because everybody knows about my new diet.

Take charge.

Though telling everyone makes a difference, it doesn’t always make it easier. The reality of the matter is that nobody is going to know what you need unless you tell them. For example, living a gluten-free lifestyle can be very challenging, especially, from my experience, that I’ve found many people do not know what gluten is and what it is in – both the people I have dinner with and the restaurants. I’ve learned that if I stand up and take charge of the situation then I’m less likely to struggle with it. This may be by choosing the restaurant to eat at, having the knowledge of what foods probably have gluten in it, possibly breaking away from the group and telling them I’ll meet up with them later, or perhaps even go home and do something else. Nobody else can know what you need at all times. You have to be willing to give that to yourself. If you take action to really be in charge of everything that happens to you in your own life, you’ll not only feel less guilty, but you’ll also feel more personally empowered.

If you mess up, forgive!

There are two ways that we need to remember to forgive when starting a new diet or lifestyle: 1. Knowing that it is okay to “let someone down” in order to take care of ourselves and 2. Knowing that it’s only natural to to have moments where we feel we are not doing good enough.  The big thing is to focus on being completely present in the moment. If you catch yourself focusing on a past situation with thoughts of “I should have done…” or focusing a lot on how fast your achieving results, let it go. If you focus on being present, then the next time the challenge comes up then you’ll be much more ready for it.

Take Action to Help You Start Your New Diet or Lifestyle TODAY!

What can you do today that will help you to stick with your new diet or lifestyle?  Is it telling everyone you know so you don’t set yourself up for social pressure?  Is it focusing on being easier on yourself?  Does it involve getting re-focused on what you want to achieve?  Does it involve really taking charge in your own life?