Tag Archives: forgive

These 2 Steps in Forgiveness Will Help You Heal and Let Go For Good

Months back I was spending time with an old friend of mine.  We were hanging out with each other, catching up and just having an overall good time.

In the midst of spending time together, however, my friend had eventually said something that had really hurt me.  The words she said, the way she said it and the way she acted for the remainder of our time spent together left me offended, angry and sad.

In addition, as the night went on I had found that my old friend was following lifestyle choices that made me deeply concerned for her own well-being.

I had no idea what to say, how to say it, or even if I should say something.  And so, I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself for the duration of the time we spent together.

Days later when I was spending time with my boyfriend I told him everything.  What she said, what she was doing, and my own thoughts and feelings about the whole thing.

In response, he said, “Oh I’m sorry babe — that sucks”.

But some validation for my pain wasn’t enough for me to heal and let it go.  The pain still lingered.

I knew I needed to forgive, so I looked into my spiritual toolbox and pulled out prayer and meditation.  I started meditating and praying about it in asking for spirit to help me forgive.

I would do it for a few days and the second I felt some kind of “release” I thought I was “healed” so then I’d stop… only to find that a few days later those hurt feelings would arise again.

This cycle continued for weeks.  And since my hurt feelings were still there I’d talk to my boyfriend about it.  Words of “I can’t believe she said that” were on repeat.

And then one day in the midst of my boyfriend patiently listening to all of this, he eventually said, “Well, you can’t control her”.

I stopped and finally realized the cycle that I was really caught in:  I was caught up in a codependent cycle.

A very basic definition of codependency is when one tries to control another person in some way.  It can be seen through boundary violation either externally or internally.

This can come up externally in the wife of an alcoholic who wants her husband to stop drinking so badly that she tries to throw out all the alcohol in the house.  On the flip side, this can come up internally in a husband who doesn’t like his wife’s spending habits so he complains about her behavior all the time.  The first is a clear codependent behavior because there was an external action.  The second is not as obvious because it is internal, but the energy and feelings of wanting to control is still very present — and can still be felt by others.

Fortunately for me in this case, I wasn’t violating any boundaries externally, but the internal desire to control was certainly there — which was, truly, the reason for my deep struggle to let go and forgive.  I wasn’t fully recognizing the faults in my own behavior, so the prayer and meditation just wasn’t quite cutting it.

So how can we follow to forgive, heal, and let go for good?  Here are the two main steps:

#1 – You gotta recognize your own control patterns

Often when we’re struggling to forgive someone it’s because we wish that the other person would change in some way.  Maybe we want them to apologize to us, maybe we want them to reach out, or maybe we want them to change their lifestyle in some way so the relationship can “heal” and things can be back the way they used to be.

It doesn’t work like that.  People are not going to change on your terms.  They are going to change on their own terms.  And though it may be painful to watch sometimes, the most loving thing to do is to let go and allow the person to live, grow, and learn on their own.


Click to Tweet: People are not going to change on your terms.  They are going to change on their own terms. via @jenilyn8705

#2 – Release it to spirit

Once we’ve been able to recognize our own control patterns, its effective to do some kind of prayer or meditation with the intention to forgive.  Maybe it’s a visualization meditation like my forgiveness meditation in my album Ignite Love from Within.  Or maybe it’s a simple prayer in saying something like:

Spirit of the highest truth and compassion, I’m struggling to forgive [Name] because of [situation].  I have recognized my wrongs in this.  I can see my desire to control and I know that it is no longer serving me or the relationship.  I surrender my control and my desire to forgive to you.  Heal [Name].  Heal me.  Thank you very much.  Amen.

You can tweek the words so that it most resonates with you, but doing some kind of act to surrender and release to spirit/the Universe in some way on a daily basis is what is going to help you truly heal and release your pain and resentments.

Take action now!

If you’re struggling to forgive someone right now, ask yourself: What is my control pattern in this situation?  How am I wanting to control the other person?  How am I controlling?  Share it in the comments below!

Releasing Resentments and Opening Up to Love

A while back I found myself in a not-so-happy place for a few days.

My work at my counseling job was extra stressful, I had multiple things at home that needed to be done that weren’t, and my boyfriend and I weren’t quite understanding each other with certain things.

For the most part, this wasn’t really bothering me that much until a few situations at work happened and I found myself in argument with my boyfriend.  It was then that I found myself all pent up with anger and resentment towards my boyfriend and certain people for several days.  I just couldn’t find a way to shake it.

It was kind of a weird experience for me, as this was the first time in a long time that I found myself stuck in a state of resentment. I had been discussing conflicts in my personal and professional life as they arose in therapy for a few months.  Though I would feel hurt, I was always somehow able to let it go.

But this time, resentment was totally there and nothing was shaking it.  I was mad — and there was a part of me that was determined to not let it go without hearing a very sincere apology from a few people.

After about a day or so, I realized that, realistically, I was never going to get a full apology.  And, despite this realization, my resentment was still there.  If anything it made me even more angry.

As a result, I turned to meditation.  It had been treating me well for my overall well-being, and though I wasn’t sure how it was really going to help me with this whole resentment thing, I figured I’d try it out.

That late morning, I looked on my phone and dug out a guided meditation that was focused on forgiveness.  The meditation involved envisioning the person that you want to forgive and then stating the intention in your mind multiple times that you are willing to forgive them and release them from your resentments.  The meditation then concluded with envisioning yourself and the person being engulfed by this white light of love.

So I sat down, put in my earbuds, and started the guided meditation.  I went through the visualizations and started reciting the intentions to forgive in my mind multiple times.

As I was doing the guided meditation I found myself still completely engulfed in feelings of resentment.

Thoughts of “Agh that jerk was so mean” and “How can I ever forgive them?” ran through my mind.  This all then followed up with a thought of “How can this meditation possibly be working if I’m still feeling this resentful and angry while doing the meditation?  I really don’t see how this is going to work.”

When the meditation ended I didn’t even think about it again — my meditation experience, the people that angered me, and the things I was resentful for.  I just dropped it all right there and got back to doing what I had been doing before I meditated.

Later that afternoon I found myself with several pleasant surprises.  My counseling clients were surprisingly upbeat, happy and enjoying life — which, for some, was the total opposite of how they normally were in our sessions.  My co-workers were all pleasant and not even remotely stressed, through my perception.

And, finally, when I saw my boyfriend we hugged each other and talked as if no conflicts had ever happened between us in the past few days.  We were both open, compassionate, and loving toward each other.

It was then that I stopped for a moment and checked in with myself.  I felt no resentment at all — Nadda!  Zilch!

I was happy, content, peaceful, and open to receiving and experiencing love.

Somehow — without any logical explanation whatsoever — the meditation worked!

Whenever the words “forgiveness” or “letting go” comes up, we often think of it as being such a difficult and challenging thing.  “I don’t know how to do that” or “That’s hard to do” are often thoughts that come in our minds.

But the truth is, forgiveness doesn’t have to be complicated — nor does releasing our anger and resentments have to be complicated.

What it ultimately boils down to is our willingness release it and heal.

We are able to forgive and open ourselves to love when we make the intention to forgive, let it go, and heal.

It is through our intention — not our thought processes — that healing can occur.


Click to Tweet: It is through our intention — not our thought processes — that healing can occur. via @jenilyn8705

The reason many of us can find ourselves struggling to forgive is because we get all caught up in our mind chatter or ego.  We keep the recording of all the bad things someone did to us playing in our minds on repeat.  All the things they said, all the things they did, and how they didn’t make us happy because of X.

This mind chatter keeps us in a place of suffering and it makes us think that forgiveness has to be long and difficult process — but doesn’t have to be.  All we have to do is to have the intention and willingness to truly forgive.  Once we make the intention and are open and willing, the rest will take care of itself.

So if you are struggling to forgive someone and let go, simply make the intention despite all that mind chatter.  Then trust that through that intention you will be freed of your resentments and opened up to love.

In the comments below, share with me one person that you are feeling resentful towards.  Then make the intention to let it go! 🙂

5 Steps To Forgiveness

Forgiveness.  It is one of those things that can sound so challenging and difficult to do, yet not doing it can be detrimental our growth and overall well-being.  When we don’t forgive and hold on to bitter resentments, we can find ourselves feeling stressed, miserable, angry, or sad for years after an event happened.

Maybe it’s that ex boyfriend who seemed to always take more from you then give.  Or maybe it’s that friend who rarely told the truth.  Or — maybe — the person you’re struggling to forgive is yourself — for doing something that hurt someone else.

Regardless of who it is that we need to forgive, the act of forgiving is equally beneficial.  When we forgive, we free ourselves and others from the binds of pain and hurt and open ourselves to true healing and love.  Through the power of forgiveness, we open ourselves to the a new way of being, which allows us to attract and create more loving relationships in our lives.

Here are the 5 steps to forgiveness:

#1 – Identify why you have been struggling to forgive.

Have you been making yourself the victim?  Have you been putting the other person up on a pedestal?  Have you been putting yourself down?  Have you been putting yourself up on a pedestal?  Have you been feeling guilty for the things that had happened in a past relationship?  Have you been blaming the other person?

#2 – Be willing to forgive.

Though we often see forgiveness as a challenging task to do, the reality is that, really, the most important thing that we need to do is to be willing to forgive.  When there is a willingness for a change to occur then it is much more likely to happen.  If we are holding on to our past hurts and unwilling to forgive for whatever reason, then we will continue to find ourselves stuck in a place of suffering.

#3 – Release it.

Once you have identified why you struggle to forgive and have a willingness to forgive, the only thing you have to do is to simply let it go — just like that popular song from “Frozen”.  Release it to the universe.

#4 – Trust that healing will occur.

Once we release it, we may find ourselves going into a bit of a panic in our minds.  We may start having thoughts of “What if this doesn’t work?” “How is this going to work?” or “But I don’t feel any different!”  These are merely fear-based thoughts created from our ego, which is the cause of our struggle to experience happiness, joy and love to begin with.  So trust and have faith that a shift will happen.

#5 – Be open for healing.

Once we are in a place of trusting that a shift in our perception will happen, we must be open to receive.  What I mean by this is to be an observer.  Pay close attention to the things that come up for you in your day to day life.  Make note of the people you see, the things that people say, the songs you hear on the radio, the ideas that pop up in your mind, how you feel emotionally throughout your day and so on.  By being an observer of ourselves and our own experience, we are able to be aware when healing does occur.

So if you are in place where you need to forgive someone or yourself, go through these steps.  These guidelines are not meant to be a “do it one time only and everything changes”.  Rather, it’s something that we may need to do every day or a couple times a day for several days or a week or so before we can begin to notice ourselves feeling lighter, happier, and more free.

Be committed to this process of forgiveness. It is by being committed that we will be able to truly forgive and create relationships and a life filled with love.


Click to Tweet: Being committed to practicing forgiveness is key to creating relationships and a life filled with love. via @jenilyn8705

Take action now!

In the comments below, we’re going to do Step #1.  So, share why you have been struggling to forgive either someone or yourself.

3 Things to Remember When You’ve Been Screwed Over

At some point in our lives, in some way or another, we have all been screwed over by someone else.  Maybe it was by an ex or a friend.  Maybe it was by a colleague or classmate.  Maybe it was even by a family member or a roommate.

Regardless of your relationship to the person, being screwed over by someone can really, well, suck.  We have placed our trust in this person and, somehow, they have let us down.  They have done the thing that we didn’t think they would’ve done.  As a result, we feel hurt, angry, and, overall, betrayed.

Dealing with these emotions aren’t always the easiest thing.  We can find ourselves caught up in these emotional responses — and so, as a result, we unable to think clearly about the reality of our situation.  So here are things to remember when you’ve been screwed over by someone:

Revenge may not always be the best option.

When these types of things happen, it is likely that we may feel the urge to “get back at” the person in some way.  This may be by telling anyone and everyone about how this person hurt you in hopes that “what goes around, comes around”.  This may also involve doing other things a bit more strategically in order to get back at them in some way.

The problem is that, in doing this, many times (not always, but many times) we are actually dragging ourselves down to their level.  In trying to get back at them, we aren’t necessarily making ourselves “the bigger person” in the situation.  And, as a result, it is also likely that we are just wearing ourselves out with all the stress we are giving ourselves in the process of it all.

Often times the best thing that we can do is to simply let it go and trust that the universe (through the process of karma) will take care of it.  Know and trust that everyone will ultimately get what they deserve — including you!   Remember that! 😉

The only person who you really have control over is yourself.

Another thing that we may try to do when we’ve been screwed over by someone else is to try and control the entire situation ourselves.  Maybe we may try to talk to them in hopes to try to force them to change a decision they had made or just really try to get this other person to see and understand our side of things.

Though I can 100% relate to this, the unfortunate reality is that we really can’t control the other person.  The only person is this world who we really have control over is ourselves.  Which leads me to saying that the reality is that…

The let downs shows us how we can improve so it doesn’t happen again.

When we’ve  been screwed over we can find ourselves wishing we could turn back the clock and do things in a different way so that we somehow could have avoided being screwed over all together.  Maybe it involved saying “No” to a request earlier in the relationship or asking the person more questions before making an agreement.

Even though being screwed over does certainly suck, the benefit is that it does teach us how to be stronger in the future.  It teaches us how we can better cover our bases in our future relationships (of any and all kinds).  It helps us to better refine our boundaries of what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not willing to tolerate.  It also helps us know all the right questions that we need to ask and things we need to talk about with the other person so that all the things we need to know are out in the open.

And, finally, it does also teach us about forgiveness.  It reinforces the teaching that people do not always know how much they have really truly hurt us — and that goes for both others and ourselves.  Rarely do any of us really truly fully know how much we have hurt other people in our lives.

Because of this truth, it is vital to forgive — both ourselves and others — for not knowing better.


Take action now!

Take a moment right now to reflect on someone who has screwed you over.  This may have been recently or several months or years ago.  Based on the list above in the article, which of the 3 things do you most need to remember in order to heal from this let down?

Do you still find yourself wanting revenge and you need to let go of it?  Do you still find yourself wanting to control this person to change their mind?  Are you struggling to really accept how you can change yourself so this doesn’t happen in the future?  Share it in the comments below!

5 Ways to Love Yourself Unconditionally

This article was originally published on SheNow.org

Most of us aren’t well-developed in the whole self-love department.  We are great at doing things for all the other people in our lives, but whenever it comes to doing things for ourself and giving ourselves what we truly need we struggle.

We loan that friend that extra money that they said they needed, but forget or feel bad whenever it comes to asking them to pay us back.  We tell our boss that we will work overtime, but we forget about all the things we will be neglecting for ourselves by working the extra time.

When we put ourselves and our own needs and desires on the back burner, we can find ourselves feeling emotionally and physically drained, tired, and unfulfilled.  So what are some things that we can do to love ourselves unconditionally?  Here are 5 ways.

Treat your body well! Are you starting every morning with a coffee and a McMuffin?  You may want to change that.

What we eat and how much we exercise directly correlates to our mental and emotional health and well-being.  If we’re feeling tired and drained, going out and having huge pizza with a pitcher of beer isn’t going to make you feel better.  Rather, it’s only going to make you feel more tired and drained afterwards.

So ditch all the fatty and processed foods while watching primetime TV after work and opt-in for some fresh fruits and vegetables and a trip to the gym.  The better we eat and the more we move our body, the more we are expressing our love for ourselves by giving ourselves a better chance to feel good!

Take time every day to get centered.

In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of our lives, many of us forget about the importance of taking some time to relax and just be still.

So take about 5 to 10 minutes every morning and evening to do something that allows you to get centered.  This may be through meditation, breathwork, self-reflection, journaling or even just some stretching.

Getting into the regular habit of taking a few minutes to stop and look within enhances our well-being by giving us the chance to stop focusing so much on what’s going on around us and to look within.

Forgive yourself — and others!

One thing that can keeps us in a place of suffering is holding on to past hurts and resentments.  These can be things that we feel bad about ourselves because we had not done better or known better, such as saying something to someone that you wish you hadn’t or agreeing to something that turned out to be a bad idea.

On the flip side, it is also very important to forgive others because otherwise we can find ourselves filled with bitter resentments that weight us down.  So in order to truly take care of you, it is vital to take the time to accept what is, release any resentments, and to just forgive.  In doing so you allow yourself to evolve, grow, and become who you are truly meant to be.

Accept where you are on your journey.

The trouble that many of us can have is that we have trouble accepting where we are in our journey.  We tell ourselves things like: “If only I had enough money to buy a house now” or “I wish I already had my book written.”

We can find ourselves on this train of always focusing on what we don’t have and what we want to have instead that we forget about all the things that we already do have!  We forget to acknowledge all the things that we already have accomplished.

So take the time to reflect on what good things you do have right now and be easy on yourself so you can fully accept where you are on your journey.

Create and sustain relationships where you are loved, supported, and appreciated.

Do you have people in your life that you always do favors for but they never acknowledge what you have done for them?  Do you have people in your life aren’t really supportive of you?  Then you may want to re-evaluate your relationships.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is not really giving you the love and support that you know that you deserve then you may want to distance yourself and find people who do love, support, and appreciate you as you truly are.  After all, you deserve it!


Based on the list above, what can you start doing today to love yourself more?  Eat better?  Forgive?  Start meditating every day?  Tell us in the comments below!

Lesson on Forgiveness: Recreate Your View of the Past

A few years ago, I went through a very challenging relationship.  The relationship was “on again off again” and involved a fair amount of yelling and boundaries being crossed.

Even though the relationship only lasted four months, it was certainly one of the most stressful, difficult, and emotionally taxing relationships I had ever experienced.

For nearly three years after that relationship ended, I found myself re-experiencing the emotions from that time over and over again.  Feelings of anger for what happened, feelings of sadness for trying so hard to make things work, and feelings of being used and disrespected.

I never knew when the feelings would come back, but every time they did a big wave of feelings that would consume my energy for several hours or days.  I could feel that 24 year old young woman who so desperately wanted to feel respected, loved and supported, but it all seemed out of reach despite all her efforts.

Until there came a point when I found myself consumed by the memories and feelings once again, and I realized how much these past experiences were holding me back from the present.  In that moment, I realized that the reason I still had unhealed feelings was not because of the experience itself, but my own perception of that past experience.

The problem was that I was still heavily associating this past experience with all the pain from that time and the bitter resentments that I still felt the need to hold on to.  When, instead, all I needed to do was step outside of my own limited experience, look at the whole situation objectively from a bird’s eye view, and allow myself to see both of us through eyes of pure love and compassion.  It was a matter of clearly seeing us both for our ego-driven mistakes and how we had hurt each other rather than how he hurt me.

This mindset shift may be seen as forgiveness, but it goes a step beyond what we commonly believe forgiveness to be.  This is because it is a total shift in our perception from our own limited view of ourselves and it takes us into a more collective view.  It allows us to see how we are all connected as one and how we impact one another through our oneness.

So how can we begin the journey of making the mindset shift needed in order to truly and fully forgive?  The following are steps that you can do anytime that you feel that you need to practice forgiveness.

Step 1:  Be still and look inward.

To get started, you want to be sure that you sit down in a quite location where you won’t be disturbed for a long period of time.  This may be in a quiet room in your house or apartment, a beach, the mountains, or any location in nature that is fairly secluded.  If you are indoors, you may want to consider playing some nature or meditation music.

Step 2: Recall a painful memory.

As you sit still for a moment, allow a painful memory to arise.  It may be one that you were thinking of before doing this exercise or it could be one that popped in your head in the moment that you sat down and got still.

Step 3: Write (or Draw)!

Grab a pen and paper or journal and write out any thoughts, feelings, and images that come up as you remember this memory.  You may also want to use crayons, colored pencils or pastels to express any images that come to you.

It doesn’t matter if you write and not draw or draw and not write, as long as you do the one you feel most comfortable with.  As you write or draw, allow yourself to relive as much as you feel is needed so you can fully “paint a picture” of your past experience.

Step 4: Reflect on your impact.

After you have finished processing your memory, turn the table how you have impacted the situation by asking yourself the following questions:  How did I cause the other person pain?  How did my own ego-driven blocks make the situation difficult for them?

Allow yourself to really step outside of yourself and look at the situation from the other person’s point of view.  Or, if that is too challenging, focus on looking at the situation from an objective “bird’s eye” point of view.

Step 5: Send them some light and love.

Once you have finished writing and processing, sit back and take the time to do a short visualization meditation.  Allow yourself to be still and focus on your breath.  Visualize yourself breathing in white light down through the top of your head and exhaling it out through your heart.

As you breath, visualize this white light surrounding you.  The light protects you, supports you, and provides you with compassion and love.

When you feel comforted and calm, visualize the person that you are trying to forgive right in front of you.  As you are exhaling the white light out through your heart, send some of this white light out to this person on each exhale.  Continue to do this until you see the other person fully encompassed in this white light.

When you see the other person completely surrounded by this white light, mentally say to them, “I forgive you”.  Continue to mentally say this with each exhale.

When you feel complete, tell them goodbye and send them on their way.  Then take the time to bathe in the white light yourself.  Mentally say to yourself, “I forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made.  I love myself.”

Once this meditation is complete, take the time to reflect and journal on your experience.  Write down any thoughts or feelings that came up.

Making this mindset shift can be very challenging at first.  You can do this activity for several days or weeks in order to better embody this mindset shift of forgiveness.

Above all, remember that forgiveness is a journey.  There is no switch that we can flip and it all suddenly goes away.  It is only with time, effort, practice, and dedication that we can allow ourselves to fully see our past experiences with love and compassion.


Take action now!

Go through the steps I listed for a person from your past.   How was the experience for you?  Share it in the comments below!

Transform Your Resentments into Forgiveness

Forgiveness – it’s one of those things where we know that we should, but it’s so much easier said than done. Most of us have probably heard the fake Buddha quote, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. We know it’s not good for us. We know we need to let it go. But gosh, why is forgiveness so darn hard to do?

With certain people, despite my efforts, the road to forgiveness has been a long and difficult one. In other cases, it seems that the simple act of time was enough for me to “let it go”, but even in those situations – I can’t help but wonder: Do we really TRULY let go in time or has the resentment just become so repressed that we are no longer aware of it? Has the wound really truly healed when we just let time take its toll on the situation?

I feel like there’s a lot of gray area to that answer, as there can be a lot of different things going on.

However, in the midst of my attempts to achieve genuine forgiveness over and over again, an assignment was eventually brought to me that transformed my mindset of not only those who I still felt resentful towards but to all human beings in general.

As some of you may know from reading my About Me section, I am currently going to graduate school in counseling psychology. A few months ago I was taking a class where we mostly talked about personality disorders: What their classifications are, how they develop in childhood, what attention may be needed therapeutically, and so on. This in itself I felt was an eye-opener because not only could I see several of the traits to varying degrees in many people I’ve known in my life, but I also saw myself in each and every disorder mentioned.

For both my Midterm and my Final Paper for the course, I had to create a fictional character with the personality disorder and write about what is going on in this person’s life, why they came to therapy, how their current relationships are, what their experience was growing up, my therapeutic experience with them so far, and what my future therapeutic plans are for them.

For the paper I kind of effortlessly began to create my character based on some people in my life I had difficulties with since they seemed to express several of the traits. As I began writing this person’s story, I found that frustration, anger, and resentment surfacing once again. How on earth could this person be so self-absorbed? How on earth could this person do such terrible things to someone else? As I continued writing, I began to write about what this person’s childhood was probably like. I wrote about the person’s parents and the type of living situation they were in as well.

It was at that moment that I feel the full reality of what truly is came full-circle. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. There truly isn’t one person or event to place blame. Does it give everyone an excuse? Certainly not, but they have done the best they could. In writing about the person’s background it clearly expressed how they have experienced such struggle and pain in their lives.  I couldn’t help but release any of the resentment I had and to feel true forgiveness.

If anything, this activity brought me back to the reality of how such trends of fear and pain have existed in our society for so long. And it allowed me to see the importance for each of us to really look deep into ourselves to break the trends and habits that so often get passed down from generation to generation. To reach out and see each and every single person for the struggling and wounded person that they truly are – and THAT is the mindset shift that opens the door to true forgiveness.


That’s Tweetable!  Click here to Tweet: “Every single person in this world is wounded and struggling in their own unique way. See that and you see #forgiveness. @jenilyn8705”!

So think of that person you are struggling to forgive. Imagine their background (don’t worry if it’s right or wrong – just take a guess at what you feel was happening). See where they are coming from full-circle. And, most of all – release your expectations for them to be and do something greater than what they currently are. Accept what is, because holding on to the expectation for them to change is only going to hold you back from pure genuine forgiveness. It may not be an excuse for their actions, but they have done the best they could.


Take a Step Toward Forgiveness Today!

Think of a person you are trying to forgive. Write down a story of what they may have experienced in their childhood or past (Hint: Usually how they themselves act is a reflection of how someone in their life treated them – it’s not very different!). And be sure you WRITE the story, because by writing it makes it so much more real.