Tag Archives: fear

This is What Blocks You From Success

Through the years, I’ve heard a lot of people share some their dreams and aspirations with me…

… I want to be a writer.
… I want to teach and host workshops.
… I want to have a blog like yours.
… I want to have my own podcast.
… I want to X kind of work so I can serve others.

But, more often than not, the statement is then followed up with something like…

… but I don’t have any money to do it.
… I can’t earn money doing that.
… I don’t know how to write a book.
… I don’t know how to start a blog.
… I struggle to write.
… I don’t know how to start teaching or speaking.
… maybe I’ll just “try it out” for a few months and if I’m not successful I’ll quit.
… and so on.

While some of these can be legitimate concerns (like figuring out how to set up a website so you can blog), as my mentor Marie Forleo says “everything is figureoutable”.

So, if you try, you can figure it out (trust me).  But what I’ve found is that, more often than that, what is really blocking us from fully boldly jumping in head first is our own self doubt.  It’s our own fear.

As a result of this fear, we start to create our own limiting beliefs and myths, like believing that we can never earn enough money doing the work we love or that, for some reason, we shouldn’t charge people for our work.  ‘Cause, you know, when you’re helping others it should always be free right? 😉 

My mentor, friend, and New York Times best-selling author Gabrielle Bernstein, busts these kinds of myths in her new free training video! In this video, she teaches the 3 most common mistakes that block you from earning for your great work and how to fix them.

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Click here to watch the video now!

Much love to you,

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P.S. There’s another awesome video coming in a few days, so be on the look out!

Nobody Really Wants Intimacy

The other day a few colleagues of mine were discussing intimacy on a lunch break.  The one had his own therapy group that was focused on the topic of intimacy and he was expressing his distress in how often people sign up for the groups on topics like “anxiety”, “depression” and “grief” but few wanted to sign up for the intimacy group.

“People don’t want to be intimate anymore”, one of my colleagues said in response to his distress, “We’re living in a separate individualistic culture”.

“Yeah, a lot of people are just focused on their phones and technology now,” said another, “Nobody really wants intimacy”.

Up until this point in the discussion I was merely an observer, like a bird looking in through the window, but I felt an urge to say something to add my own two cents.  “Well, I think the problem is that people don’t like conflict,” I said, “and you need to be able to work through conflict in order to be more intimate”. 

Now, of course, when I say this I don’t mean that we need to have conflict in order to be intimate.  There are plenty of relationships out there that are full of conflict and the intimacy is severely lacking.  However, what I do mean is that by avoiding conflict, we are also avoiding more intimacy.

Contrary to what some may think, intimacy is far more than just sex.  Sex is just a mere expression of physical intimacy.  But there’s also intimacy on an emotional level.

When we’re emotionally intimate with someone, we are then able to share someone our true emotions.  Our sadness.  Our fears.  Our worries.  And even our anger.

By becoming emotionally intimate, we allow ourselves to slowly and gradually be more and more seen by another person. It creates more love and deepens the relationship.  The other person is better able to know us for who we truly are and we are then better able to know the other person.

This process isn’t easy. In fact, it’s terrifying because it requires us to be incredibly vulnerable.  To be intimate requires us to take down our defenses and expose ourselves with another person with the hope that this other person is going to react with acceptance and love.

And for most of us we haven’t had that reflected to us in our childhood.  We’re used to being judged and shamed.  We’re used to feeling guilty.  We’re used to not being accepted.

We’re not used to other people giving us a safe and loving space for us to express our emotions and to simply say something like, “I know that’s tough.  I’m here for you and I love you no matter what”.

I think this is where dealing with conflict makes things tough.  Because while we want to be accepted and loved by another person, conflict can feel like the exact opposite of that.

Depending on how we were raised, conflict can feel very rejecting.  We may have come to believe that conflict means separation or that fighting leads to the ending of the relationship.

However, the reality is that — and some people have grown up knowing this already — is that conflict is simply a discussion of differences and that it’s naturally a part of being in a relationship.

The reality is that through conflict, if we can communicate in a way where both people take responsibility for themselves and both are able to share their own genuine internal experience, we can actually become much more intimate.

Through conflict we have the opportunity to see another persons’s deep inner wounds, so we can better understand what makes them who they are.  We then have the opportunity to give them assurance that all is okay and that they are loved and accepted no matter what regardless.

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Click to Tweet: Through conflict we can see a persons’s deep inner wounds, which can allow love to deepen. @jenilyn8705 

So how can we better deal with conflict so that we can become more intimate?  Here’s a few tips:

#1 – Be aware of your own relationship to conflict

Are you one who avoids conflict at all cost?  Do you tend to believe that a happy relationship means no arguing?  Do you have difficulty holding the idea that a debate can be healthy and free of anger and resentment?

#2 – Track yourself

When a discussion starts to turn a bit sour, be sure to check in with yourself.  How are you feeling?  Are you angry or anxious?  Are you tense?

When we’re triggered and become angry, anxious, tense, or upset, this is when we are unable to think clearly.  We literally can’t process information the way we can otherwise because our nervous system is outside of our normal window of tolerance.  So it’s important to stop, breath and recognize that you’re triggered.

#3 – Recognize where the other person is and focus on the discussion

Does the other person appear tense and angry?  Are they saying things like “you always” or “you never”?  If so, then it’s likely that they’re triggered.

Remember how I said we can’t process information clearly when we’re outside our window of tolerance?  Well, when you can’t then the other person can’t either.  So its important to recognize that and know when to walk away and cool off. 

When both are cooled off, then a real discussion can happen.

#4 – Be mindful about language

If you want to be loved and respected then know that the other person deserves to be loved and respected as well.  So be mindful about your language by avoiding saying things like “childish” or “selfish”.  Avoid saying things that may imply trying to place all the blame on the other person because, realistically, it takes two to tango anyway.

So, do I really think people don’t want intimacy?  No, not at all.  I think deep down in our core we really truly do want intimacy it’s just that our own wounds and fear get in the way.

How do some of your wounds block you from intimacy?  What’s your relationship with conflict?  Share in the comments below!

It’s Not Up to You to “Figure it All Out”

It always seems that when a chapter of my life is soon coming to a close that it’s easy and natural for me to get caught up in the whole thinking of: What am I going to do next in my life?

It happened when I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree.  It happened when I chose to not renew my teaching contract while I was living in Korea.  And it has started happening again recently upon knowing that, in less than a year, I’ll have my Master’s degree.

The thought patterns have often gone something like this:

Where I am going to live?

If I want to move, where should I potentially move to?

What kind of work could I find there?

Should I do X or Y kind of work?

If I do X kind of work, will the salary be enough to pay bills?

What if I need a new car?

Etc. etc. etc.

The questions could go on and on forever.

While finishing a chapter in our lives can be very exciting — the end of a degree program, a job, or a relationship — it can also bring up a lot of stuff.

When a chapter of our lives ends, we then find ourselves at a crossroad.  So I turn right or left?  So I take A or B?  Or, should I not choose any of those and turn around and go right back where I was?

We now find ourselves in un-charted territory.  It’s new.  It’s unfamiliar.  We haven’t been through it before nor do we know where this new journey might take us.

And, due to the unfamiliarly, it can be pretty darn anxiety-provoking.  We fear that something will go wrong and we won’t be able to make ends meet.  We worry that we may take the job and then absolutely hate it — or the career path entirely flops for us.

As a result of this fear that, somehow, everything is going to go completely wrong, we decide that, maybe, we can just plan everything.

So we create to-do lists.  We set goals.  We create our vision boards for a dreams for the future and we make our 10-year plan.

But you know what happens then?  And I can vouch that this has happened to me every single time that I have tried to set any kind of long-term goal.

Life happens.  And the goals completely change.

Why?  Because it’s not up to me. It’s up to a power so much greater than me.

When we’re caught up in fear and worry, we start to over-analyze everything, and we try to plan and control everything in our lives, then that’s the voice of our ego, our monkey mind, our fear-based mind.

Our ego mind is limited.  It makes us see the world and the universe with lack and it believes that we are not supported.  And it drains our energy, our life-force, our power.  According to A Course in Miracles, the presence of fear is a sign that you are relying in your own strength.

So when we are in fear, worry, and stress because we’re pushing ourselves to figure out what we need to do next in our lives, all it does it create more stress, more worry, and more fear.

In the grand scheme of things, it makes us unhappy.  It keeps us in a place of suffering because it keeps us completely disconnected from our inner guidance and our true selves.  It makes us believe that we are not supported and that we only have ourselves to rely on to “figure it all out”.

But you know what?  You don’t have to figure it all out.  In fact, you’re one and only job is to let it all go.  Release the fear.  Release the worry.  Release the anxiety.  Then give those fears to a power greater than you — in whatever way you like to call it, whether that be Source, the Universe, the Divine, God or whatever.  Give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported.

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Click to Tweet: When you are fearful, give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported. @jenilyn8705 

Then once you do that, be still.  Quiet the mind.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Allow the beauty of the present moment to wash over you. Feel your body sitting.  Feel the air around you.  Hear the sounds around you in this moment.

Notice your inner mind chatter.  Observe it, but don’t attach to it.  Recognize it as fear and only fear, as the thoughts are not of your higher self, but wounded parts of yourself.  Love them and let them pass.

Continue to breathe.

And then slowly and gradually, the mind chatter will subside.  It may not completely go away, but it will become quieter.  In the stillness of the moment, trust that guidance for your next right action is coming.  It may come in the form of a thought, a feeling, a sensation, or maybe even through something in your external world, like through a friend, family member, co-worker, e-mail, magazine or whatever.

Regardless, be open and receptive.  Exhale and remember: It’s not up to you to figure it all out.

My Love of Fear

Yoga was finished and it was time to get to work.  I sit down at my desk to begin.

You’ve been procrastinating all day, a voice in my mind says, You should already have this done by now!

I can feel the tension in my neck crawling down my back.  My breath is shallow.

I take a deep breath and stretch my arms over my head thinking, believing and hoping that will release the tension.

I feel a little better, so I put my arms down and start to focus on work.

You haven’t done shit today, the voice continues, you woke up, ate breakfast, did yoga and that’s it.  You’re pathetic.

I then open the document of my project and start getting to work.

This shit is terrible.  What makes you think that’s good enough?  Work harder!

I look back over what I had written down.  Rereading it from the top.  Maybe if I word it this way it could be better somehow?  Or maybe I can add a little bit more here.

Nobody is going to like that shit.  It’s not good enough.  You’re not good enough.

My neck became even more tense and I suddenly found myself debilitated.  Completely unable to work.  Completely unable to focus.

I get up to walk around feeling “off” and not sure what more I needed to do to get past this critical inner voice that’s loaded in fear.  I did yoga, I meditated, I’ve moved around like a billion frigging times already… what more needs to happen to kick this thing?

I stop trying to fight it so I make myself a smoothie and pop in my earbuds to listen to a lecture by my mentor Gabby Bernstein.  I had heard this lecture several times before but maybe, someway, somehow I was going to hear something that would help me get out of this funk.

A half hour later and the first recorded lecture was over.

See now you just wasted another 30 minutes when you could be working, the voice says.

Oh just shut up already, I think back to it as my neck tenses up and I hit the play button on the next 30 minute talk.

She’s not even talking about what you’re dealing with right now, the voice says.

This time I ignore it and continue to keep listening to the talk.

About mid-way through the talk Gabby mentioned that before she does a talk she will say a prayer asking for the highest spirit of truth and compassion to speak through her talk.  She said that in doing this, it helps her get out of her fear-based ego and back into love.

Upon hearing that, I quickly say that prayer for myself in my mind.  I start to notice my neck muscles starting to relax, my jaw not quite as tight, and I feel much more calm and centered.

I paused the talk and then I had a thought, Jen, you were trying to fight the block.  You were trying to fight the fear, but that doesn’t work because you were fighting fear with fear in your mind.  You can’t push fear away.  Fear can only truly dissipate when you love it, because love is what heals.

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Click to Tweet: Fear can only truly dissipate when you love it because love is what heals @jenilyn8705 

There are so many times where coaches, writers, and teachers talk about how we need to be fearless.

“Bust through the blocks”

“Overcome your fear”

“Live fearlessly”

On the surface the words can seem to be implying that fear is bad and that we must abolish it.  However, by holding onto the idea that we have to abolish fear in itself can make us even more stuck.  It can create a war of fear-based dialogue inside our minds.

You’re not good enough.

Oh go away.

Nobody is going to want to read that.

Leave me alone!

What we need to do instead is to recognize the fear-based thoughts and give it love.  Notice the thought and let it be.  Don’t attach to it or respond.  Just let it be. 

If it comes up again wanting more attention, just give it some love.  Pray for it.  Tell it that you love it. 

After all, those thoughts are just wounded parts of you and, just like you do, they deserve a lot of love and care.

You Don’t Have to “Figure Yourself Out” Before You Can Love Someone Else

I’ve seen this scenario multiple times.

Girl is having problems with relationship with guy. 

Girl goes to her friends for relationship advice… over… and over… and over again.

Girl’s friends eventually start saying, “Maybe you should spend some time just trying to figure yourself out right now instead of this relationship”.

I’ve been that friend and I’ve been that girl.  And while I think that it can be a helpful thing to do sometimes in certain situations, I really don’t think it’s an absolute must-do in all situations.

A while back I was listening to a talk by one of my teachers Marianne Williamson and it was the Q&A portion of the talk.  A man had come up and asked her a question about his current relationship problems.  He had been with this woman for a while now and they had a kid together but he couldn’t figure out how to work out the problems. 

He ended sharing his story by implying that he’s been thinking about leaving so he can “figure himself out”.

Now, I love Marianne because she can be very blunt at times.  She quickly responded, “Whoever said that you need to ‘figure yourself out’ before being in a relationship?!”  She then elaborated on why it isn’t a good idea to just leave so he can ‘figure himself out’.

While breaking away from the relationship to “figure yourself out” may sound like a good idea — it’s not going to really help the one thing you’d be trying to save: The relationship itself.  Why?  Because you’d be abandoning the other person as a result.  You’d essentially be choosing to end the relationship at that moment in order to “figure yourself out” and — frankly — you’re not really choosing to love the other person if you think it’d be anything otherwise.

Here’s a few realities about loving other people:

#1 – Love is a choice

It’s been a while since I’ve brought up this idea in an article, but I’ve always found that understanding this basic idea is crucial to having a happy, healthy and loving relationship.

Love isn’t a feeling, because feelings are ever changing and they come and go.  Rather, love is something that we choose to do.  It’s a mindset that we make the conscious effort to try and have every single day… that’s how we can create truly loving relationships.

#2 – To love someone means that you are choosing to grow together

To be in a relationship with someone means that the two of you are going to grow and evolve together.  Really, its the ultimate purpose of the relationship.  It’s about our own soul’s growth and evolution and how it evolves, grows, and learns with another.

To think that we can grow a lot while being completely on our own is pretty limited.  There are always more ideas, thoughts, and experiences that we are going to learn while in relationship with another human being.

#3 – It’s not about what we are getting but about what we are giving

One of the discrepancies that can come up in our relationships is our own thinking of what is is that we are “not getting” from the other person versus what we are, in fact, “giving”.  We may be stuck in a habit of thinking things like, “Well I’m not getting as much support as I’d like”, “I’m doing more of X than he is”, and so on. 

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is completely focused on the other person and what they are doing rather than ourselves.  Its shows a desire to want to control the other person, rather than to be accountable for ourselves and to fully stand in our own power.

I’ve said it before in many other articles and I’ll say it again: It’s all about the energy that we are bringing to our relationships that can really determine their success.  Are you in this relationship full of fear — scared of being vulnerable and fearful of rejection?  Or are you going into this relationship filled with love— peaceful, confident and with an open heart?

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Click to Tweet: The energy that we are bringing to our relationships can really determine their success. via @jenilyn8705

There are many ways that we can shift our own energy from fear to love, but one of the ways is through meditation, which is why I’ve created my new meditation album Ignite Love from Within.  To learn more about my new album and to receive a free meditation from the album called Healing Blocks to Love, click here.

Now — all of this being said — this doesn’t all mean that breaking up and spending some time being single shouldn’t be an option.  There are of course situations where ending the relationship may be necessary.  Maybe you’ve felt like the two of you have been growing apart or that you both have different dreams and goals in life. 

If that’s the case, it isn’t a time to end things “for a while” to “figure yourself out”.  Rather, it’s a just a time to just end it — as that would be the most loving thing to do for both yourself and the other person no matter how painful it may be.

Ultimately, remember this: “Figuring yourself out” is, realistically, a lifelong journey and it is totally and completely unrealistic to think that you’d be able to do it in a few months or years.  We figure ourselves out by living, by being in relationships with others, and by striving to bring love into our lives.

So take the risk and dive in to your relationships.  After all, the only way we can really learn is with time, effort, and practice.

Why the People We’re Attracted To Don’t Like Us Back

Have you ever been in a situation where you really liked someone but they didn’t like you back?

Maybe you dated a couple times and you really wanted to continue dating but they didn’t. Or, maybe, you really liked the person but they had no interest in going out with you ever.

I’ve been there more than enough times, and I’m sure you’ve been there as well. We’ve all dealt with this at some point or another (and, yes, I’m sure George Clooney and Brad Pitt have even dealt with this at least once at some stage in their lives). And, frankly, it really just flat out sucks.

We’re in a place of really wanting to be with this person and give them all the love, care, and compassion that we have to offer. We want to make this person the center of our universe and really show them just how amazing they truly are… but this person just doesn’t want to be with us.

… and, honestly, I don’t blame them.

Let’s really sit back and think about this. Think about the last time (or a time that you remember very well) where you really liked someone and they didn’t like you back. Maybe you dated them for a while and they decided to end things cause they just weren’t quite “feeling it” or they made some excuse about being “too busy” with work or school or [insert any not fully reasonable excuse here]. How did you act when you were around them?

Were you confident? Were you comfortable? Were you really acting like yourself? Or, were you feeling nervous, insecure, and unworthy? Were you trying to act like someone else rather than yourself?

More often than not, when we’re really attracted to someone but they don’t like us nearly as much in return, it’s because we are in that space of insecurity, neediness, and unworthiness. We feel like we’re not good enough and we’re nervous about being rejected.

Now let me be clear: it’s not something that we need to beat ourselves up about. It’s completely normal. If we really like somebody, then of course we are going to get nervous when around them, because getting rejected by them is going to hurt us so much more than if we get rejected by someone we don’t like. It’s only natural.

However, if we find ourselves constantly in this place of the other person breaking things off with us early on because they’re just “not into you”, then that’s a problem that really needs to be fixed if we ever want to experience a healthy and loving relationship. We can’t really experience love in our lives when we’re bounded by feelings of fear on the inside.

ExperienceLoveBoundedFear

Click to Tweet: We can’t really experience love in our lives when we’re bounded by feelings of fear on the inside. via @jenilyn8705

So how can we shift from feelings of fear when around people we are attracted to and connect to love within so we can become a love-magnet? Here are 3 steps:

#1 – Recognize the nature of your fear — then let it go!

What is it that are you are most afraid of experiencing when developing a relationship with someone you are attracted to? Are you nervous about the relationship eventually failing due to some heartbreaks in the past? Do you believe that you are not worthy of love? Do you believe you’re incapable of having a healthy, loving and successful relationship? Are you terrified of being rejected? Are you simply expecting to be rejected?

It’s a slightly different “flavor” for everyone, so it’s important to identify what your patterns of fear are. Write down a list of how your fear manifests for you in the dating world on a sheet of paper or journal. This is critically important because we can’t heal and change something in our lives that we are not consciously aware of!

Once you’ve recognized the nature of your own fear, then simply make the intention to release that fear. This doesn’t have to be complicated. All we really need is to have the desire to change.

#2 – Observe how you act around people who are attracted to you — even when you’re not attracted to them.

Do you act more like you? Are you being your genuine self? Are you expressing your own unique thoughts and feelings without hesitation? Are you comfortable and at ease? Recognize how you behave around these people and write it down on a sheet of paper or journal.

#3 – Envision yourself acting the way you act when around people who are attracted to you.

Close your eyes and in your mind’s eye envision yourself acting the way you act when around people who are attracted to you. See yourself feeling comfortable and confident. Envision yourself completely being your own genuine self and expressing your truth to those around you. Then notice how you feel in your body while envisioning yourself acting this way. Are you hunched over or do you have a straight back? Do you feel energized and strong? Just notice.

This is a great activity to do if you’re about ready to go on a date. The activity can be that before the date, you can take some time to envision yourself being confident and genuine while on the date. Also, if you have made the decision that you’re ready for a new relationship, then do this envisioning activity at the beginning of every day to really shine your own inner truth and love to the world.

Take action now!

Let’s do step 1: How do you experience fear in your romantic relationships? Share it in the comments below!

When You Fear Entering a New Relationship

A few years ago, shortly after moving to South Korea, I found myself in a very challenging relationship.

Communication problems.  Arguments over petty things.  On and off.  Fight, then make-up.

The relationship was in a continuous state of struggle and conflict, where I, in the midst of these constant storms, was trying to find some kind of peace.

Needless to say that by the time the relationship ended, I found myself terrified.  Terrified to date anyone.  Terrified to get into a new relationship.  I was even terrified to really get into any new friendships.

The relationship left me so broken and damaged that the only thing I really wanted to do at that point was to figure out what the f*** I was doing wrong in my relationships and find out some way to fix that.

And so, for several months I limited the amount of relationships I would really participate in.  I basically just associated with my co-teachers at work, students, and some friends I already had.  I really didn’t want to start out any kind of new relationship out of fear that I would “mess it all up”.

I was fed up with being hurt.  I was tired of being let down over and over again.  I now found myself in this place where I feared to let anybody in again because I was scared they were just going to let me down and leave again like so many others had.

Though I managed to benefit from taking a few months to focus mostly on myself, it’s certainly not something I would recommend to everyone.  Though it can certainly challenge us to really get to know ourselves, it can become very lonely and cause bits of depression.

In addition, the act of isolating ourselves — especially when its out of fear of being hurt again — isn’t very healthy.  When we isolate ourselves or stop “putting ourselves out there” due to fear, it only creates more fear.  It only makes it harder for us to get ourselves “out there” when we finally decide to do it.

The simple motivation behind it is also flawed: To isolate ourselves because we fear being hurt.  By accepting this idea and allowing ourselves to be controlled by fear, we cut ourselves off by reality.  The reality is: That the people we attract to us are meant to give us the maximum opportunity for growth.

Fear entering a new relationship

Click to Tweet: The people we attract to us are meant to give us the maximum opportunity for growth. via @jenilyn8705

So all of those people who have broken your heart.  All of those people you have had major relationship conflicts with.  All of those people were (and are) meant to come into your life because they allow you to grow and become a better person.

These people teach you what you need and don’t need.  They teach you who you want to be and who you don’t want to be.  They have influence you to become stronger and more confident in yourself.  They teach you the importance of taking care of yourself and being true to you.

And, for that, it’s worth taking the risk of being hurt.  It’s worth being vulnerable.  It’s worth getting “yourself out there”.  Because without it, we may never really grow.  Our lives may never become as rich and fulfilling as they could be.

So if you’re holding back, take the plunge.  Take the risk — and the growth you’ll ultimately gain will be so much more than the pain you may have to endure to get it.

Take action now!

What have you learned through the pain in your past relationships?  How has it allowed you to grow and become a stronger person?  Share your thoughts in the comments below!

3 Things To Do When You’re Scared To Date Again

A few years ago, I went through a very challenging relationship with a guy that I was dating for only 4 months while living abroad.

This difficult relationship then left me in this state of uncertainty, disappointment, and distrust (somewhat of others, but mostly of myself).

The extremely high levels of stress and challenges from the year before, paired with a lot of culture shocks, had simply worn me down into a state of just feeling completely lost and uncertain of myself.  I didn’t have a lot of faith and trust in my own abilities.  I feared going into any kind of new relationship because I felt like, no matter how hard I’d try, I was just going to find myself in another sh**ty relationship situation.

If a new relationship opportunity arose, I’d experience a lot of worry over doing something wrong early on that would then put me on the train once again to stress, disappointment, and feeling exhausted.  I feared that my old behavior patterns were simply out of my control and that I was unable to really truly change them in the way that I would need to in order to truly be happy and to experience genuine love.

I didn’t trust myself.  I didn’t believe in my own abilities — and, most of all — I didn’t believe I deserved it.  I didn’t believe that I deserved happy, fulfilling, and loving relationships.

You see, for those of us who have been disappointed a lot in relationships so much to a point that we are scared to date again, the problem isn’t necessarily that we are scared of getting hurt again or even that we don’t have faith in our own abilities.  The problem is that we don’t believe that we are worthy.  We are blind at fully seeing the abilities of creating the love, happiness, and fulfillment that we truly desire that are buried deep within us.  We struggle to fully realize all the miraculous things that we are able to have.

So here are 3 things that we can do to break us free from this fear to open our hearts again to a new relationship:

Admit to yourself (and the universe) what you really truly want.

The problem is that when we have experience a lot of heartbreak and disappointment from our relationships, we try to convince ourselves (and the world) that we don’t really want a supportive and loving relationship.  We do this because when we acknowledge it we also have to acknowledge our pain and disappointment.  It’s easier to just ignore the whole thing and stuff those emotions deep within our being.

The reality, however, is that repressing those desires cause more pain then good.  So what we have to do admit that we really truly do want an amazing relationship filled with love.

We can acknowledge our true desires by simply writing our deepest relationships desires down in a journal.  We can also make an offering or intention.  For instance, for myself I was traveling in Japan at the time when I finally admitted to myself that I really wanted love.  So I lit a candle for love while at a temple that I was visiting.  You can do this as well on your own with a candle, incense, by leaving a flower out in nature, or whatever else that you wish.

Believe in your own abilities.

One of the biggest things is to realize that we our in control with what happens to us in our lives.  This ability to have control over our lives isn’t meant to be seen as intimidating or as something to worry about either, but as empowering.  It’s a matter of knowing that we have the power to transform our lives and manifest whatever it is that our heart’s desire if we truly believe that we can.

Of course, we have to be easy on ourselves and understand that there is always a learning curve.  We will always experience challenges along the way that will encourage us to grow, change and evolve.  But the key here is to allow ourselves to be excited and inspired by these challenges for growth rather than to be worn down.  Use the challenge as fuel for your inner fire rather than by dumping water filled with fear on it.

scared to date

Connect to your inner miracle worker.

In order to really have the love that you desire, you can do a combination of things.  For one, you can begin doing a daily affirmation every morning and night where you say out loud to yourself several times something like, “I am attracting the love that I desire into my life”,  “I am attracting the perfect partner”, or “I am unconditional love”.

Another option (which is also the one that I enjoy so much more) is to do a guided meditation where you visualize yourself connecting to love.  In the meditation, you can calm down and focus deeply on the breath.  As you breath, begin to envision yourself becoming surrounded by this comforting and loving sparkling white light, you begin to breath in the white light with each in breath, and exhale it out through your heart.  As you continue to breath, you become a part of this loving white light more and more.

Do this meditation on a daily basis in order to get re-centered and connect to the love that you desire to experience in your life.

Create the love that you desire in your life!

In the comments below, share what it is that you desire to experience in your relationships.  Deep down in your heart, what is it that would just make your heart soar?