Tag Archives: empower

5 Reasons Why You Need Boundaries in Your Relationships and Life

Have you been feeling drained, tired, stressed out, and exhausted?  Do you feel under appreciated, unseen, and unsupported?  If so, it may be that you need to learn how to set some boundaries in your life and relationships.

So why exactly do you need boundaries in your relationships and life?  Here are 5 reasons:

#1 – They give you a sense of self

When we don’t have boundaries in our lives it implies that we don’t have a solid sense of self.  We will tend to take on other people’s thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs, and values rather than to have our own.  This is commonly referred to as enmeshment.

When we are enmeshed with another person it means that there is no distinct boundary between you and another person.  There is very little sense as to where one person ends and the other begins.  One or both people will then have difficulty identifying their own unique individual experience and how it differs from the other person.

When this is present, it implies difficulty in differentiation from a parent in early childhood.  This doesn’t mean that it is “good” or “bad”, as it is quite common for most people to have experienced it at least somewhat in their development.

Being enmeshed can be very stressful, draining, and overwhelming.  Relationships can easily get “messy” and a person can feel like they have no control over themselves or anything in their lives.  As a result, a person’s natural tendency would then be to try to control other people, which is codependent.

Learning to recognize our own internal experience and then setting boundaries in a way that honors our internal experience, helps us solidify our sense of self with the external world.  It also helps create less stress and more balance in our relationships.

#2 – You are able to decide how you want to be treated by others

When we have boundaries we are able to effectively tell a bully that we will not tolerate their behavior.  We are able to leave a relationship that isn’t serving us in what we know is in our highest good.  When we have boundaries, we are able to enter into relationships that do support us in our own personal growth and healing.

#3 – You are able to make life decisions that serve and support you

When we have boundaries, we are able to say “no” to that job that is potentially wearing us out by working overtime for little pay.  We are able to say “yes” to taking new career path without getting locked into feelings of guilt or “what other people will think”. 

#4 – You are able to make choices that are better for your health and well-being

By having boundaries, we are also able to make better choices for our own health and well-being.  We are able to say “no” to smoking that cigarette or having a glass of wine and, instead, say “yes” to having some green juice and going to the gym.  We are more aware that we’re going to feel shitty after eating that brownie, so we’re able to turn away and eat something healthier.

#5 – You feel empowered

When set boundaries in our lives, we feel more connected with ourselves and more in control of our lives.  We are able to live for ourselves, rather than through this desire to please other people.  We are able to be in relationships that are healthy, balanced, and equal.  And we have the ability to create a life for ourselves that we’ve always dreamed of.

BoundariesConnectedControl

Click to Tweet: When set boundaries, we are able to feel more connected with ourselves and more in control of our lives. via @jenilyn8705

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How will learning to set boundaries in your life support you in creating a miraculous life for yourself?  Share it in the comments below!

The Mindset Shift Required to Get What You Want in Life

For a few weeks I have noticed that a peer of mine was kind of going through a bit of a rough patch with her job.  She expressed her thoughts on being underpaid, given less hours than she thought she deserved, and, overall… well, just feeling downright undervalued.

As I heard this peer for her concerns many times towards me I began to notice other people in my life doing a similar things.  Someone expressing their frustrations to me about their phone company potentially overcharging them.  Another mad because of their roommate talking loudly on the phone late at night.  And then — on top of it all — I even saw myself frustrated over a couple things in my environment and expressing it to others as well.

When I sat back and reflected on the whole thing, I noticed that there was one common underlying thread amongst all of these situations: Each person was expressing their concerns, but not to people who could actually help them with the situation.  Nobody was being proactive in their stress and frustration.

Instead, everybody was doing the safest thing a person can ever do: Express their frustrations to people who can’t do anything about it.  Their friend.  Their partner.  Their family member.  When in reality the person needed to be talking to people who can help them and give them what they want: their boss, supervisor, cell phone company, roommate, or whoever.

We all get caught up in this way of being at some point or another during various periods of our lives.  We are stressed and frustrated about something and rather than confront the issue head-on with the people who can help us with the issue, we talk to everybody else in our lives about it.

Now, don’t get me wrong — sometimes we do need to process our experience with other people who aren’t involved.  However, the problem is that by talking with other people about the issue rather than those involved, it is very disempowering.  It’s almost as if the more people we express our frustrations with, then the more we drain our energy and the energy of those around us.

When we avoid confronting the issue head-on it’s like we are are subconsciously telling ourselves (and the universe), “I’m not powerful.  I’m not capable.  I’m not worthy.  My concerns, thoughts and feelings don’t matter, so I’m going to talk to many other people about it rather than confront the issue at the source so I can make changes in my life.”

Doing this makes us feel out of control, weak and powerless — the exact opposite of what we commonly desire.

So how can we get what we want in our lives?  What is the mindset shift that we have to make?

It is to consciously choose to take personal responsibility for ourselves in every single situation.

Taking personal responsibility involves acknowledging and accepting our own unique experience and acting accordingly to our experience.  To be willing to face the world head-on and say, “I am powerful and I deserve to have what I desire.”

IAmPowerful

Click to Tweet: I am powerful and I deserve to have what I desire @jenilyn8705.

So if we are unhappy at work, then we properly communicate to our boss or supervisor.  If we are unhappy with a contract that we have made with that company, then we properly communicate with that company.  If we are unhappy with a roommate, then we voice our concerns directly to that person.  Not to a co-worker or your neighbor who can’t do anything about your situation… but a clear communication with the people there is a problem with.

To take personal responsibility also involves making decisions that are in our best interests.  So if a certain job or relationship that we are in is no longer working despite our efforts at open communication, then we know that we always have the option to leave or do something different.

We all always have a choice.  We all always have decisions to make.  To know that we always have endless opportunities available to us is part of living truly empowered.

You are in control of your own life.  You always have been and always will be.  So what can you do today to feel like you are more in control of you life?  What can you do today to take more personal responsibility for your life?  Share it in the comments below!

It’s Time To Give Our Power Away

I’ve officially decided that it’s time to give my power away. From this point forward I am no longer making decisions for myself.

By holding on to my own power, I have caused myself too much suffering, frustration, worry, and stress. Clearly, I am just not capable of being in control of my life. Its time to stop being in charge and give my power away.

So I have decided to give my power away to spirit – all of my worries, fears, anxieties, frustrations, concerns, and stressers. I’m releasing all of this extra “gunk” that prevents me from really moving with the natural flow of life. By letting go, I can begin to really feel fulfilled right here right now.

This really hasn’t been an easy point to get to. There is and always has been a resistance. I’ve felt spirit, my inner guide, guiding me to do one thing but my mind has kept saying “no” out of fear.

My fear-based mind (or ego) has continued to terrify me to do the things that spirit has guided me to.

“But, what if I say something that others criticize me for?”

“What if my ideas are rejected?”

“What if I make a terrible error and then nobody cares what I have to say?”

“What if I run out of money, can’t make rent, and then find myself living in the street?”

My mind has come up with every crazy idea possible to prevent me from following my inner guide over and over again.

It’s ironic – I have listened to many of these irrational beliefs and I have held myself back in hopes to protect myself from attack. However, by holding myself back I have caused myself more suffering than I would have experienced had I done the very thing I felt called to do right away without all the hesitation.

We all do this. We all have something stirring in our hearts that we would love to do or create so it can become a reality. We all want to feel fulfilled and feel as if we are truly following our true life’s purpose, but we listen to our mind’s fear-based thoughts and hold back.

It’s like there’s a part of us that enjoys suffering. A part of us that likes to have something to complain or feel unsettled about. So we consistently have these self-defeating thoughts that hold us back.

“I’d love to publish my own book but I don’t have the money.”

“I’d love to start my own non-profit but I can’t give up my current job to work on this.”

“If I don’t do this extra work for my boss then it might jeopardize my relationship with him and I may not have a job.”

Our minds are always coming up with some excuse to hold us back from fully embodying what spirit has to offer us. So how can we start giving less of our power to our fear-based minds and start handing our power completely over to spirit?

Believe that we deserve what spirit is offering us.

Even though we may not recognize it right away, it all boils down to self-worth. We don’t believe that we are worthy of this amazing offering spirit is giving to us and saying “This is for you”. We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t believe that we are capable.

Well I’m here to tell you that you are capable! In fact, we all are capable. We just need to allow ourselves to completely trust and rely on what spirit is guiding us to do.

Know that when we follow spirit’s guidance, we are always supported.

Many of us have the fear that if we take that leap of faith and do whatever spirit is guiding us to do that we won’t be supported – emotionally or physically. Taking that leap of faith and really following what spirit guides us to do can make us feel as though we have to do it completely on our own, which is terrifying.

Well, I’m here to tell you that when we do follow what spirit is guiding us to do that we are supported in all ways. If we experience fear, we can pray or meditate and let that go to spirit. If we feel that we won’t earn the money we need, we can trust that spirit will come and provide us with the exact money that we need at the exact moment that we need it.

Trust in Divine timing.

Following spirit puts us into a place of the unknown. We may not know when the next opportunity will come up or when we will receive our next paycheck. We have to completely give our power away to spirit so that we can trust in things will be provided when spirit is ready. We have to be willing to put ourselves out there and really do what we are feeling called in our hearts to do without hesitation.

Know that what you’re doing is incredible.

Follow what spirit is guiding us to do is hard because typically by following our inner guidance we are called to do things that can feel pretty radical. We may be guided to do things that nobody else has really done before, which can make the process very unpredictable and scary.

When these fears come up, stop and put this into perspective. I mean, how many people in this world have truly given their power over to spirit and are truly following spirit’s guidance? Not many. Someone has to start the new road and its very exciting and incredible that you are being guided down this path! Believe that. Know that.

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Its time to really give our power away to to trust what spirit guiding us to do. It’s incredible, its exciting and you deserve it!

Start giving in to your higher power!

How have you been holding yourself back?  What are you fear based thoughts that are preventing you from moving forward?  What can you start doing TODAY to help you let go of your own power and start acting in alignment with your higher power?

Share your thoughts below!


The Realization that Transformed the Way I Approach Life

As some of you may know from my About Page, a little over two years ago I moved to South Korea.

Prior to the move, I felt as if I had been doing all these things to make other people happy and that I was living someone else’s life rather than my own. I was tired, stressed, and not really taking care of myself the way I needed to be. I was drinking too much coffee and much more alcohol than I probably should’ve been in order to unwind from this “adult life” that I felt I was expected to.

I was worn out and I felt very disconnected from myself… I felt I had lost myself somewhere along the path of “growing up”.

So I packed away a year’s worth of clothes and belongings into two suitcases and, in a leap of faith, took my first 747 across the Pacific.

Weeks before moving, I kept daydreaming of all the possibilities:

“This is a foreign country completely different from here!”

“There will be so much to learn and explore!”

“How on earth could I NOT live in the present moment while living there? It will be so much easier to stop dreaming about the future!”

All of this was paired with idealistic dreams of effortlessly becoming a freelance writer on the side for extra income so I could later afford to live and teach in Europe.

… yeah right Jen.

During my first week in Korea, I quickly had a bit of a rude awakening.  I met up with fellow expats and found myself going along doing the same exact thing that I’ve done back home.  Talking the same way, acting the same way, saying things because I felt it was more socially appropriate while hiding my own genuine feelings for the sake of others.

I remember walking across an overpass after socializing at a bar with fellow expats when it occurred to me: This is NO different here than it was back home! I’m STILL struggling with getting lost in other people and I’m still drinking more than I want to be. It was then that I fully realized: Wherever we go, there we are. We can start dating someone new, we can make new friends, we can even move on the other side of the world but the one thing that NEVER changes is what WE bring to the table.

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It’s been a long journey since I had that realization.  Though it is still a journey, I do feel that I have done a 180.  I’m so much happier and fulfilled.  For the first time since I’ve begun this true journey of “adulthood” I feel in tune with myself and truly on the correct path.  And even though everything may not be “perfect”, I’m no longer sad about any of the struggles but overwhelmed with excitement for what’s yet to come.

How do I do it, you ask?  Well, some simple things really…

1.  Taking time to either meditate, pray, and/or reflect in a journal every day.

2.  Focus on my own emotions as I’m experiencing them.

3.  Reaching out to find like-minded groups.

4.   Completely following the inner drive of what I want to do rather than what other people or society wants me to do.

It takes effort.  Afterall, it is a continuous never ending journey but the payback through the simplest of efforts is totally worth it in every way imaginable.  Life’s always going to be full of challenges, but the moment you accept the challenge and take full responsibility for your own actions in the situation then shifts start to happen.  It’s when you shift your thinking from the victimhood of “Oh I always get sh*t on in relationships…” to the excitement and boldness of “Alright universe, what do you got for me next?” that you really step up to the plate.

Are YOU stepping up to the plate in your life?  Are you completely owning that?  Are you ready to tackle challenges?  Are you ready to create your best relationships possible?  Are you ready to create a life for yourself that may be seemingly “impossible”?

This is why I am here today to help support YOU on your process. We all experience painful challenges in life and we all need support and help to work through those roadblocks. What I’ve realized through my own experience is that the greatest gift we can give ourselves in times of struggle is the support and guidance of others who understand.

Transformed

That’s Tweetable! Click to Tweet: “The greatest gift we can give ourselves in times of struggle is the support from those who understand. @jenilyn8705”

Are you struggling in a relationship? Are you still trying to recover from a painful relationship? Are you really wanting to STOP getting “lost” in other people? Are you ready to really re-claim your own inner power? Then check out my Individual Coaching Program sign up for a FREE 30-Minute coaching consultation with me today.

I am here to support you in your journey at whatever level you are at.

Have you had any huge realizations that have transformed the way you approach your life?  Share them below!