Tag Archives: emotions

5 Reasons Why You’re Unhappy — and How You Can Start Being Happy Today

So maybe you have the awesome house or apartment, a great relationship, and an amazing job.  But despite the fact that everything in your life looks so great on “paper” or upon someone viewing your Facebook or Instagram accounts, for some reason, somehow your just not happy.

What I’ve come to realize that while our societal views on what constitutes a happy and successful person, it’s rare that someone who actually fulfills all of those things are going to be genuinely happy.  Our true happiness is not determined by our external circumstances, but rather our internal focus.

So here are 5 reasons why you may be unhappy — and how you can start being happy today:

#1 – You’re living in the past or future

Out of all the reasons in this list, I think this one is the most impactful of our level of happiness than all of them. 

You’re focused on what you did have in the past or what you could have in the future rather than what you have right now.  Your mind is focused on how things were so great back in “the good ol’ days”.  Or, you’re focused on the idea of how things will be great “someday” in the future.

The reality is that by focusing our attention on the past and the future, all it does is prevent us from really living in and enjoying the present moment, which is the key to really living and being from a place of true joy and happiness.

So when you catch yourself thinking about how things were great in the past or how they could become great in the future, take a deep breath, feel your feet on the floor and look around you.  Notice what you have right now in this moment and how amazing it is to simply be living right here, right now.

#2 – You’re caught up in thoughts of judgement and criticism

Are you caught up in judging yourself about not being “good enough”?  Are you often trying to, somehow, be “perfect”?

Or, on the flip side, do you get up in judging and criticizing other people?  Do you get caught up in criticizing the way a co-worker dresses?  Are you often getting caught up in judging others for their own life choices?

When it comes to judgement and criticism I think it’s important to remember this: When I am judging others, I am judging myself, because we are all intricately connected.

When we are judging and criticizing, its a sign that our ego mind is bringing out our inner critic.  All this does is block us from being able to truly experience love, happiness and joy in the present moment.

JudgingOthersSelf

Click to Tweet: When I am judging others, I am judging myself, because we are all intricately connected. @jenilyn8705

#3 – You’re seeking fulfillment in material things

Do you find yourself thinking things like: When I’m able to get that house then I’ll be happy, when I’m making six figures I’ll be happy, or when I can get that new car I’ll be happy?

One of the biggest fabrications that our ego mind likes to tell us is that being rich, famous and successful we are somehow going to be living the best lives ever.

While getting a new car, house, and make more money may certainly make our lives easier, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re going to be happy when we get these things.  True happiness comes through our mindset and how we choose to live and be in the world — not a pair of Manolos and some Gucci.

#4 – You’re focused on what you’re getting rather than what you’re giving

To you tend to get caught up in thinking that if you did X favor for Sally then she better give Y favor for you?  Or, do you tend to get caught up in thinking about how much money you’re getting from your employer rather than how much you’re giving at work?

It’s interesting, but often when we’re focused on a mindset of always thinking about what we’re “getting” then there never seems to be enough — there’s always lack.  However, when we shift our mindset and start to focus more on what we’re giving, then we are able to see what we are actually receiving.  In turn, we can then find ourselves more grateful and content with what it is that we do have right here, right now.

#5 – You’re trying to push your feelings of sadness, worry, and anger away

In the world of self-help and personal growth, there’s a lot of talk out there about a need to be positive so that you can be happy and joyful and live the best life possible.

Well, I’m going to tell you right now: Thinking that we need to be positive all the time is BS. 

Honestly, it’s not even remotely realistic.  We all have our good days and our bad days.  People die.  Pets die.  Relationships end.  Health issues happen.  We lose jobs.  We move.

And as a result, we cry, we scream, and we worry.  Someone does or says something to hurt us and we struggle to forgive.  We have wounds, addictions, and disorders.

And you know what?  It’s all normal and perfectly okay.  In fact, we need it.  Why?  Because we can’t have light without darkness.  We need both to be whole and to feel complete.

We all have wounds because we’ve all been hurt in various ways and those wounds need our love and attention.  We have to give ourselves time to really truly feel and process those emotions.  When we don’t, this is where other problems can emerge, such as an addiction, an eating disorder, or maybe even a case of depression.

So allow yourself to really truly feel — both the good and the bad, because it is all a part of you, and by loving and accepting it, you can start to tap into your own true authentic happiness.

How to Not Lose Yourself in a Relationship

If you’re like me, you very easily lose yourself in a relationship the second it really starts up.  You find yourself spending the majority entire time with the person your dating — and, even when you’re not together, you’re basically spending all of your free time thinking about the person.

Their interests, tastes, and activities somehow become the center of your universe.  You find yourself listening to their favorite music and watching all of their favorite movies.

Somehow, within the matter of a few weeks or months… sometimes even days… you’re world goes from your life focusing on your own work, doing activities that you enjoy, and hanging out with friends regularly to spending the majority of your time with your new guy.  Your friends seem to wonder if you disappeared off the face of the earth and you’ve seem to have completely forgotten what life was like to be single.

Many women struggle with this.  In fact, we are biologically hardwired to be dependent.  When we are falling in love, the part of the brain where critical thinking takes places shuts down.  We then also tend to get all hyper-empathetic with the person, just as a mother would with her baby.

It’s kind of a natural maternal-based instinct, though it can cause us a lot of imbalance and, ultimately, stress and problems in our relationships.

So what are some things that we can do to help prevent this from happening so we can feel like we have equally as much freedom in our relationships as the guy does and still feel happy and loved?  Here are some things to keep in mind:

Establish a routine for “me” time.

One thing that I find incredibly important is to make your own “me” time a routine so that it becomes a habit.  It can take a more conscious effort starting out (especially in the beginning of a new relationship when everything is so exciting and fresh).

Set a weekly schedule for yourself.  Make Thursdays your night out with your girlfriends.  Make Wednesdays a night out to take your painting class.  Set at least 2 days a week where you schedule things to simply just do things for you — and make sure that it has nothing to do with him.

lose yourself in a relationship

Take some space away from each other through the phone and social media.

You don’t have to be in touch with one another 24/7.  If he texts or calls you, you don’t need to always respond right away just as he doesn’t with you.  Create some space in the way you electronically communicate.

Voice Your Wants and Needs.

If you really don’t necessarily like one of his interests, it is okay to say so.  If you don’t want to go do an activity that he likes to do, it’s okay to not go.  You can try it out and given him the respect and support he needs with it, but remember that it’s not a bad thing to  not be completely on the same page with every single thing.

Same goes for your own beliefs and opinions — political, religious, or whatever.  It’s actually a good thing to not agree on everything!  And it’s not that one person ever has to be “right” or “wrong” but you can both agree to disagree, and still hold respect and love for one another.

Take time every day to regularly check in with yourself and ask “How am I feeling?”

For many women, when we’ve lost ourselves in a relationship we are completely disconnected from our own feelings because we are so incredibly focused on our love interest’s feelings.  So take the time throughout the day to really check in with how your feeling.  And — better yet — do it when you’re completely alone and having some “me” time.

And pay special attention if you have any anger built up inside, as that is an emotion that is commonly repressed in women who lose themselves in their relationships.

Be on the lookout for red flags.

If he always only wants to spend his time with you and only you, if he doesn’t like it when you go and “do your own thing”, or if he’s jealous that you’re going to go hang out with your girlfriends then it may be a sign that the guy your dating is a bit on the too needy side of things.  

If this comes up, you may want to drop in the idea of him having some of his own “me” time with friends or to do whatever.  Though, if it is a consistent issue where you feel like he doesn’t respect you having your own space, then it may be a sign to call it quits.

Take action now!

What are some things that you enjoy doing while single that you noticed you stop doing once you’re in a relationship?  Them down on a sheet of paper or in a journal.  Now find a way to do it!  Plan it, and write it in your calendar — if it’s not scheduled in your calendar, then it’s not happening, so be sure to actually write it down!  Share your personal realization in the comments below!

5 Steps to Receiving the Emotional Support You Desire

This past week, I’ve been struggling with health issues in regards to my stomach and digestive system.  Last week was my third week of acupuncture treatments and I suddenly started feeling much worse then I did before I started.

And now, when I say that I was feeling worse doesn’t mean that it was simply just physically — but I also felt terrible emotionally.  For the first time in a very long time I spent a good few days being in this deep melancholy/depressed state where I had little drive and energy to do anything.  I just felt really down, but yet I couldn’t get myself to cry.

It was a weird experience because, upon reflection, I feel like I haven’t felt quite like that since maybe around high school age.  So, perhaps, the acupuncture triggered some old emotions to resurface from that age  in order to be healed — hence, why I was feeling the exact way that I did around that time.

So I took the time to really stop, get out a journal and ask myself what on earth I felt so down and depressed about.

As I started writing, I realized that the reason I was so down was because I felt like I had no emotional support.  I felt like I was all alone in trying to heal these digestive issues and I had only myself to rely on and trust.

The second those words came out on paper I finally started crying.

Once I let most of the tears out that needed to come out, I then asked myself with a clear mind the question of: At this point in time, is that actually true?

Well, yes it was true that I wasn’t feeling fully supported.  But, then again, how could I feel emotionally supported by others if I wasn’t reaching out to them in the moments when I really needed it?

I feel like many of us struggle with this in various periods of our life — some, perhaps, more than others depending on our upbringing.  For some reason it’s always easier to “give” than to really “receive” and allow ourselves to enjoy and be grateful when we do receive the very thing that we’ve been needing so badly.

That’s the irony of us recovering people pleasers — we feel like we are constantly “giving” and that we rarely “receive” but we never actually allow ourselves to receive

So here are some steps to help you receive the support you know you deserve:

1.  Recognize how you’re feeling.

Pay attention to how your body feels, your energy level, your mental clarity, and so on.  Is it easy for you to focus on tasks today and get work done or do you feel like you’re needing to push yourself through?  If you’re feeling like you really need to “push” yourself to get things going then chances are you’re doing to much.  Are you feeling sick or just really tired?  Then your body is probably telling you to slow down.

2.  Take a break.

Cancel your plans after work, don’t go to that extra meeting after class, or postpone those errands you have to run just for a little bit.  Turn off your phone, your computer, your TV, and anything else that can distract you and just take that time for you.

3.  Write!

Get out a journal and just write.  If you find yourself struggling to get yourself in the flow, then set a timer on your phone (after you’ve turned on the “Do Not Disturb” of course!) for at least 30 minutes — preferably an hour.

Try not to think too much about what your writing.  Just write down any thoughts that come up as they arise.  Make it a goal that every single thought that crosses your mind needs to come out on paper.  The more you focus on that goal, the easier it will be to get things flowing.

4.  Identify your needs.

As you get into the flow of writing down all of these thoughts that are lingering in your mind, pay attention to how it feels to write all of these thoughts down.  Does something make you feel sad?  Angry?  Anxious?

After you recognize that feeling, close your eyes look within and ask that feeling (and yes, in second person): What do you really want?  What is going to make you feel better?  What do you need to receive that you haven’t been?

5.  Act!

Whatever it is that you realized you need, go out and do it for yourself.  If it’s simply a break, then do that.  If it’s to allow yourself to actually enjoy reading a book or watching a movie, then do it.  If it’s to feel some emotional support by a loved one, then go ahead and reach out to someone you can trust who you know will be there.

(*Note: If you do feel that you need emotional support but others are reflecting back to you that it’s too much of a burden for them or if you simply don’t feel like you have anyone that you can reach out to, then please contact either a coach or therapist who you trust.  Clearly, something within you needs that emotional support to heal, so reach out.  Even if your mind is trying to tell you that what your going through is “not a big deal” or “that’s too expensive.  Your emotions are valid — and they deserve the space to heal and people are more willing to help then we often think.  We just have to be willing to ask.)

emotionsvalid

Now, as for me, in the very moment that I realized I wasn’t allowing myself to receive I immediately contacted a friend to simply let all my struggles known.  I gave myself the space to simply “vent” for a bit and then be grateful that this friend openly welcomed me to share and provided the support I really needed.  It helped one part of this thing heal a bit — now I have many more to go.

 

 Take action now!

Go through the 5 steps sometime during the day today.  After you go through them all, share in the comments below what you realized you truly need.

The Simple Shift in Communication That Will Transform Your Relationships

Relationships are complex. In fact, I’d actually go so far as to say that they are probably one of the most complex things in this world. There’s a lot of different aspects and dynamics to take into consideration when trying to improve relationships.

Yet, despite the intense complexity, there are some super simple shifts in communication that we can make in order to transform the dynamics of our relationships.

The one that I am going to address today is probably one of the most important. It has nothing to do with changing your communication in order to accommodate to the other person. In fact, it has little do do with others at all. Rather, it all boils down to you being able to really focus on you.

The simple shift in communication? To speak in a way that uses the word “I” or “me” in order to clearly state how you feel to others.

For those of us that are people pleasers, this simple little change in communication can be very difficult because we are so familiar and comfortable with focusing on other people rather than ourselves. It is also likely that we are surrounded by friends and family members who focus predominantly on others as well, so it is harder for us to make the change. However, when conscious effort is made it can make a huge difference in clearly establishing where another person ends and you begin.

Many of us are walking around talking about or complaining about other people and things. We spend all of our energy saying thinks like “Jack didn’t do X, Y, Z” or “Sally has Z going on in her life now” but we never actually say what is going on with ourselves. Rarely do we ever simply talk about us.

Not only that, but in the moments when we are attempting to refer to our own experience we talk in general terms like “Dealing with X was so frustrating”. Other times we state our frustrations but focus completely on the other person by saying something like “Jake is such a pain. He never gets his work done in time”.

Other times, we may even do the thing that’s even worse: We refer to the other person when we really mean to be talking about ourselves (I used to be terrible at this). We may do this by saying something like “You know, dealing with Maggie is very stressful” or “You know how hard it is.”

When we express our frustrations and emotions like this we are actually detaching ourselves from our own personal experience. In other words, our way of communication basically telling the world, “I’m not owning my own experience. I’m not acknowledging how I’m feeling. I’m not taking personal responsibility for my own experience.” Rather, we focus on the experience of the other person when what we should really be doing is identifying how we feel and what is difficult for us.

communication

So what does this shift in communication look like in context? Here are some examples:

“My mom keeps ticking me off. She keeps complaining about X, Y, Z and doing…” can instead be “I feel so stressed and upset because my mom does…”

“My ex-boyfriend had so many problems that I didn’t even know how to deal with it…” can turn into “Dating my ex-boyfriend was really hard for me, because…”

“There’s so much work I have to do for school. Why do they have to give us so much work?” can turn into “I feel overwhelmed with all of the schoolwork I have to do right now.”

Ultimately, it’s not very proactive to continuously talk about other people and how they are impacting us. It’s more proactive to simply state how we feel and express our own experience by expressing it using “I” or “me” in our sentences and to state how we feel.

By doing this, we actually open the door to allow ourselves to receive the very thing that we desire deep down: Emotional support and understanding.

Upon making these types of statements to clearly stating how this experience impacts us, we can then take the next step and (if others are open to it) say what we need right now. That can simply be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or advice.

Being clear, open, and honest about how you feel through your communication with others can really help transform an imbalanced relationship into a balanced and supportive one.

Today, I challenge you…

… to start focusing more on how you feel and to begin to share your experiences by using the words “I” and “me” and to state how you feel.

Get out a pen and paper or journal. Write down a stressful or difficult event or experience from this past week that you have had that you shared with someone.

How did you tell this person the story about your experience? Did you mostly talk about other people involved? Did you say things like “you know”?

Now imagine as if you went back in time to the moment that you shared your story with this person. How could you have told this story differently? How did you feel during this initial event? Stressed? Sad? Upset? Angry? Frustrated? Anxious? Irritated? Write down three sentences that you could have said instead using the words “I” and “me” to describe your initial feelings.

Next time you find yourself in conversation with someone sharing stories try to be conscious of your words when you speak. Try using the words “I” or “me” more often.

*Note: Be easy on yourself when doing this. It will be easier around some people and more difficult in others. That’s okay. It’s a journey and takes a lot of practice. There will likely be times where you reflect back and catch yourself not saying things the way you wanted to say it – that’s okay! The effort is what counts.

Share your thoughts, comments, questions, and realizations below!

Confidently Know When to Say No

This past week I’ve found myself crammed for time. Between dealing with finals for graduate school, working on my own business projects, doing work for other people, preparing to spend a month back home and dealing with some relational and emotional issues, it’s been fairly stressful.

Yet, despite everything that I had to do, that certainly didn’t discourage me from remaining optimistic and, generally, confident about getting everything done. So I agreed to help someone else on one of their own business projects for some extra cash.

One day, during this crammed week I came in to do this work with this hope to hurry up and get this work done so that I could focus on all of my other obligations.

One hour of work quickly turn into two hours and I was beginning to find myself restless, anxious, and hoping to get to work on other things. At that very moment I was instructed to work even more – and I simply went along with it.

Moments later I quickly realized that I just made an extremely common people pleaser mistake: I ignored my feelings, said “yes” when I wanted to say “no”, and had begun to feel resentful.  This is the exact place that we want to avoid getting to!

For us people pleasers, many of us find ourselves saying “yes” while deep down inside we are screaming “no”. We just don’t want to tell the other person for fear of disappointing them.

The key to confidently knowing when it’s really time to say “no” is to really be in-tune with your own emotions.

Our emotions can be a very accurate gauge in deciphering whether we should do something or not. So in that very moment when we start to feel drained or angry because the other person is telling us to do something, that is the time to say “no”.

Don’t put it off. Don’t think about it. Don’t allow yourself to build up anger and resentment of the other person. Simply just say “no” in the exact moment when you recognize that you’re emotionally worn out and overextending yourself.

It’s as simple as that.

say no

And you know the irony of it all? Many of us avoid saying “no” because we fear that we will disappoint the other person. But I have a quick reality check for you: More often than not, the other person will accept and respect your request. They won’t be disappointed because they respect you as a person.

If there is a circumstance that arises where the person doesn’t respect your request for whatever reason, then it’s a sign of toxic behavior. You can learn more about what toxic behavior is by checking out my article Toxic Behavior Warning Signs. If you say no and the other person tries to use their toxic behavior to emotionally manipulate or guilt trip you, then check out my article How to Survive a Guilt Trip.

Nobody else has more power over us than ourselves. We are in control. We are responsible and in charge over what happens in our own lives. We just need to honor and be true to our own emotions 100%. Nobody else can or should do that for us.

Set the boundary and be true and honest with yourself. You’ll feel more balanced, fulfilled, and happy in the long run.

Start Confidently Saying “No”!

Get out a journal and think of a time when you said “yes” when you know you should’ve said “no”.  Write down any thoughts about that experience that come to your mind.  What was the situation?  Who was involved?  Why do you think it was difficult for you to say “no”?

Once you have a fairly good recollection of the situation, then answer the following questions for yourself: How did I feel after saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no”?  How did I feel toward the other people involved?  If I could do it over again, at what point should I have said “no”?

3 Steps to Tell Someone How You Feel Without Feeling Incredibly Guilty

We’ve all been there. You know, that moment when you feel like you have to tell someone how you feel or to inform them of a decision you made that you know will hurt them.

I know that at least for myself, it doesn’t seem to matter who it is or the situation involved but every time I have to do it I just feel an insane amount of guilt. Guilt, embarrassment, and shame… all followed with this internal dialogue of questioning whether what I said was worth saying.

Because of this, many of us try to avoid it. We keep dating that guy for longer than we should have because we’re terrified of hurting him. We avoid telling a friend how something they say or do hurts us because we are scared it will cause the friendship to end. We keep going to that therapist or doctor that we’re not completely happy with just because we don’t want to make them feel like they’re not good enough.

The problem with all these situations is that the truth of our feelings are never exposed. We fear hurting the other person so incredibly much that we’d rather stuff those feelings deep within ourselves and convince ourselves that we never experienced those feelings at all.

Sounds like the best solution, right? Well, it’s not all that great.

The truth is that even though we repress all those feelings, it doesn’t mean that the feelings themselves disappeared.

They’re still there; they are still alive within you. The only difference is that now you have repressed them and they’re buried somewhere deep to a point that you are no longer aware of them.

tell someone how you feel

Tweet: It’s better to say how you feel sooner than later. The longer you put it off, the higher chance of bigger problems later on. @jenilyn8705

These deeply repressed emotions are what the swiss psychologist Carl Jung described as the shadow. We are ourselves not aware of them, but they still emerge in a way so that others can see them. It can be seen in our own defense mechanisms. It emerges in our own unique self-defeating way that prevents us from full genuine intimacy.

The shadow can be very difficult to recognize, but it is important to be mindful and anticipate the need to confront it from time to time.

And so, it is very incredibly important for us to NOT hold back our genuine feelings. If we feel like our roommate is being too controlling or if they’re messiness is driving us crazy we have to tell them. By holding it back it only makes it worse down the road cause the emotions build up within us and we then tend to “explode”.

So how can we break through those barriers of fear so we can express our true emotions without feeling incredibly guilty?

Breathe.

Before you even say or do anything, be sure to breathe and get centered. The more the thing that we are about to share with the person has emotionally impacted us, then the more inclined we are to simply “explode” and let it ALL out right away. This is exactly what we DON’T want to do. So breathe, relax, and ease yourself into saying what you need to say.

Be mindful of how it is impacting the other person.

As I said previously, we don’t want to “explode”, we want to ease into it and share little bits at a time. By doing this, it makes it MUCH easier for the other person because then they are less likely to feel attacked. When sharing, also try to use empathetic communication, which involves saying things to acknowledge that you understand how the other person feels. This also helps to lower the tension.

Know that nothing you can say will ever be 100% perfect.

We can be as cautious as we can possibly be when we share certain things, but sometimes people are always going to find something little that you said and feel offended or hurt by it. Know that you ARE trying your best. Commend yourself for even being courageous enough to share this with the other person. It takes a LOT of risk! You deserve a pat on the back for trying.

Ultimately, keep in mind that what you are sharing is TRUE FOR YOU and because it is true for you it matters. Everyone will experience each situation slightly differently so it’s common to feel like you’re “wrong” if no one else experienced the same thing. Be honest and true with yourself. If we remember that, all the crazy guilt we experience can diminish quite a bit.

Tell Someone How to REALLY Feel Without Feeling Guilty!

Think of something that you want to tell someone but you’ve been putting it off to avoid hurting the person.  How could you say the truth now in the smoothest way possible?  How could you “ease them in” on the truth?

Share what you think would be the best thing to say or share your experiences below!

What Every People Pleaser Needs to Realize About Themselves

A few weeks ago I was going through a bit of a rough patch. I was sad and upset over some recent events that had taken place in my personal life. To make matters worse, I also had finals due that same week so I easily felt overwhelmed and stressed by everything thrown at me at once.

One course that I’m taking for my grad program is a group process course, where we basically practice and learn about the group therapy dynamic. Each class begins with an hour of the therapy session or “processing” and then the second half is focused on theory and discussion about those theories.

Since I was going through this rough patch, I brought it up to the group to process what I was going through. I shared the story and explained my frustrations.

Hours and days after class when I was reflecting upon that sharing I finally asked myself: Who was I sharing this for? Me or them? Naturally, when it comes to any sort of therapy one would assume that the person who is sharing their story or their own healing. They want to experience some sort to relief. This is why many people cry when they are sharing a painful event. It helps them to release all those painful emotions so they can let go and move forward.

Well, the thing is… I actually didn’t cry. In fact, when I BEGAN to cry I stopped cause my throat started closing up, got re-centered, and began talking again. My inner critic came up and said “No, you can’t cry here because if you cry then you can’t talk!  You NEED to be able to talk so that you can explain your story to everyone.”

I habitually did the exact thing that so many of us people pleasers do:

In our own moments of suffering, we focus on the well-being of other people rather than ourselves.

How crazy is that?! I AM the one that was going through all these sad emotions and what do I do? I shift my focus to other people’s feelings and act accordingly to what I sense from them.

It’s such a people pleaser thing to do!

So what can we do about it, you ask? Well, there are a few things…

Be aware.

Awareness is the single most important step and the more you challenge yourself to be aware of it the better. Like, we can MENTALLY know and understand our own dynamic but when we challenge ourselves to pay close attention to that dynamic unfolding in the moment it can light-up our eyes in a way nothing else can.

Next time you are associating with a group of people focus on things like: Am I focusing more on this other person or me? What am I feeling right now? Hint: If you don’t know what you are feeling in that moment, then you’re more than likely focused on the people around you.

Focus on “here”.

There was an activity that I did a few weeks ago at a relationship workshop where we were asked to sit with a person and focus on “here” (you yourself are right now), “near” (the other person), and far (the other people, things, and places around you). More than likely, one is going to be MUCH more difficult than the others.  If you’re a people pleaser, chances are the “here” might be the most difficult.

So next time you are associating with someone, in a group, or simply just around people on the street try to focus on where you are. Also try to notice in that situations are more difficult than others.

Do you easily focus on other people when at the grocery store or is it only more difficult when you are talking to someone? Make a mental note of which is easier and which is harder for you.

Focus on your body.

Even if you can’t quite get the first two, don’t fret because this one is the easiest way to help shift your focus back on YOU and YOUR needs! The trick? Focus on your body.

For many of us, this can be very difficult in the beginning because our society has us so focus on our heads. We sit in front of a computer or spreadsheet all day and most of us rarely ever focus on “How does my body feel?”

Well, the great thing about focusing on the body is that not only does it tell us how the body feels health-wise but it also helps us to be more aware of our emotions. We can focus more on OURSELVES rather than other people.

So rather than doing a meditation to help calm yourself down or get re-centered when you’re around people or after you’ve been around many people, a much more grounded approach can be to simply focus on how you feel in the body. Is there tension? Do you feel jittery? Do you feel open? What emotions do you feel are correlated to these body sensations?

If you are never quite sure what you are feeling emotionally, the body can be a gateway to discover exactly what emotions are lingering around.

people pleaser

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Begin to focus more on YOU today!

Stop for a moment and focus on your body. How do you feel? Is there any tension or pain? What emotions are associated with that?

Then focus on how you feel when other people are around. When you’re in a group, take the time to stop and focus on yourself. What am I feeling in this moment? What do I need?

Share your own experiences and what you are planning to work on below!