Tag Archives: blocks

How to Get Comfortable with Self-Promotion

One of the things that I know I’ve really had to work on in my journey of blogging, coaching, podcasting and so on is self-promotion.

For many of us, the idea of self-promotion can feel really “-ucky”, ingenuine, and just not very “real”.

However, the irony is that, if we don’t self-promote at all, then we can’t serve anyone!  Nobody is going to get our message and we’re certainly not going to be able to serve others and the world in the way that we are meant to.

My mentor Gabrielle Bernstein has managed to bust through these fears of self-promotion herself.  As a result, she has managed to promote herself so she was able to sit next to Oprah on Super Soul Sunday, be featured in the New York Times Sunday Style section, be featured on The Today Show and Dr Oz, and many more.

Being able to land these media placements has helped her Gabby reach an international audience.  And she has done it through being able to work through her own blocks and creating her own unique process to manifest media.

In Gabby’s third video, she tackles those fears and limiting beliefs head on.

In this video you will learn:

  • How to create a movement with your message
  • How to make publicity fun!
  • How to stand out in an overcrowded media landscape

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Click here to watch this free training video!

Much love to you,

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This is What Blocks You From Success

Through the years, I’ve heard a lot of people share some their dreams and aspirations with me…

… I want to be a writer.
… I want to teach and host workshops.
… I want to have a blog like yours.
… I want to have my own podcast.
… I want to X kind of work so I can serve others.

But, more often than not, the statement is then followed up with something like…

… but I don’t have any money to do it.
… I can’t earn money doing that.
… I don’t know how to write a book.
… I don’t know how to start a blog.
… I struggle to write.
… I don’t know how to start teaching or speaking.
… maybe I’ll just “try it out” for a few months and if I’m not successful I’ll quit.
… and so on.

While some of these can be legitimate concerns (like figuring out how to set up a website so you can blog), as my mentor Marie Forleo says “everything is figureoutable”.

So, if you try, you can figure it out (trust me).  But what I’ve found is that, more often than that, what is really blocking us from fully boldly jumping in head first is our own self doubt.  It’s our own fear.

As a result of this fear, we start to create our own limiting beliefs and myths, like believing that we can never earn enough money doing the work we love or that, for some reason, we shouldn’t charge people for our work.  ‘Cause, you know, when you’re helping others it should always be free right? 😉 

My mentor, friend, and New York Times best-selling author Gabrielle Bernstein, busts these kinds of myths in her new free training video! In this video, she teaches the 3 most common mistakes that block you from earning for your great work and how to fix them.

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Click here to watch the video now!

Much love to you,

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P.S. There’s another awesome video coming in a few days, so be on the look out!

My Love of Fear

Yoga was finished and it was time to get to work.  I sit down at my desk to begin.

You’ve been procrastinating all day, a voice in my mind says, You should already have this done by now!

I can feel the tension in my neck crawling down my back.  My breath is shallow.

I take a deep breath and stretch my arms over my head thinking, believing and hoping that will release the tension.

I feel a little better, so I put my arms down and start to focus on work.

You haven’t done shit today, the voice continues, you woke up, ate breakfast, did yoga and that’s it.  You’re pathetic.

I then open the document of my project and start getting to work.

This shit is terrible.  What makes you think that’s good enough?  Work harder!

I look back over what I had written down.  Rereading it from the top.  Maybe if I word it this way it could be better somehow?  Or maybe I can add a little bit more here.

Nobody is going to like that shit.  It’s not good enough.  You’re not good enough.

My neck became even more tense and I suddenly found myself debilitated.  Completely unable to work.  Completely unable to focus.

I get up to walk around feeling “off” and not sure what more I needed to do to get past this critical inner voice that’s loaded in fear.  I did yoga, I meditated, I’ve moved around like a billion frigging times already… what more needs to happen to kick this thing?

I stop trying to fight it so I make myself a smoothie and pop in my earbuds to listen to a lecture by my mentor Gabby Bernstein.  I had heard this lecture several times before but maybe, someway, somehow I was going to hear something that would help me get out of this funk.

A half hour later and the first recorded lecture was over.

See now you just wasted another 30 minutes when you could be working, the voice says.

Oh just shut up already, I think back to it as my neck tenses up and I hit the play button on the next 30 minute talk.

She’s not even talking about what you’re dealing with right now, the voice says.

This time I ignore it and continue to keep listening to the talk.

About mid-way through the talk Gabby mentioned that before she does a talk she will say a prayer asking for the highest spirit of truth and compassion to speak through her talk.  She said that in doing this, it helps her get out of her fear-based ego and back into love.

Upon hearing that, I quickly say that prayer for myself in my mind.  I start to notice my neck muscles starting to relax, my jaw not quite as tight, and I feel much more calm and centered.

I paused the talk and then I had a thought, Jen, you were trying to fight the block.  You were trying to fight the fear, but that doesn’t work because you were fighting fear with fear in your mind.  You can’t push fear away.  Fear can only truly dissipate when you love it, because love is what heals.

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Click to Tweet: Fear can only truly dissipate when you love it because love is what heals @jenilyn8705 

There are so many times where coaches, writers, and teachers talk about how we need to be fearless.

“Bust through the blocks”

“Overcome your fear”

“Live fearlessly”

On the surface the words can seem to be implying that fear is bad and that we must abolish it.  However, by holding onto the idea that we have to abolish fear in itself can make us even more stuck.  It can create a war of fear-based dialogue inside our minds.

You’re not good enough.

Oh go away.

Nobody is going to want to read that.

Leave me alone!

What we need to do instead is to recognize the fear-based thoughts and give it love.  Notice the thought and let it be.  Don’t attach to it or respond.  Just let it be. 

If it comes up again wanting more attention, just give it some love.  Pray for it.  Tell it that you love it. 

After all, those thoughts are just wounded parts of you and, just like you do, they deserve a lot of love and care.

Why Buying Stuff Isn’t Going to Make You Happy — and What Will

I used to be in credit card debt…

… and that’s really hard for me to admit to because I had always been diligent about budgeting and money stuff prior to getting into debt.

Fortunately now it’s long gone, but I’ve since been focusing more of my energy into budgeting, my spending habits and reflecting on my money blocks.

In the process I realized that I had been spending money quite carelessly.  Spending it on things that I didn’t really need — or I thought I needed, but it wasn’t giving me what I want.

After I reflected on how I spent plenty of time and money on various things without necessarily having that good of results, I started to realize:  It’s not necessarily the product or service itself that I’m really wanting from this, but an energy that could potentially come with it.

… and I was failing. 

I was failing to get that energy that I wanted from the product or service.  So I kept wanting more.  I kept buying more stuff — more products and more services — thinking that buying something, at some point, could magically get me exactly want I wanted.

But it never did…. and it never could.

Why?  Because, for some reason, I thought the purchase was enough.  I had this thought in my mind (as many of us do) that if I buy that product or service that I’m going to magically and instantaneously feel better.

But it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, by believing that’s all I had to do I was setting myself up for failure.  ‘Cause we can’t just buy something and then experience the energy of happiness, love, and joy that we’re craving to experience.  Rather, we have to do things for ourselves in order to open ourselves to that kind of energy. 

If we want to feel things like happiness and love in our lives, we’re not going to get it by just “buying stuff”.  Rather, we have to do the internal work on ourselves.

We live in a world where we all have a tendency to want instant gratification.  We’re upset when our computer is slow, our phone doesn’t have a signal, or when our Netflix movie just isn’t streaming right.

We’ve become impatient… and not only with things, but with ourselves as well.

And it doesn’t work, because it isn’t realistic.

Sure, we can do simple and short activities to help ourselves that can make drastic shifts and changes in our being, but it’s not that we can totally bypass it and still get results.

We have to do our own inner work in order to create lasting positive changes.  So what are some easy, simple, and very affordable ways that we can do that?  Here are 3:

#1 – Meditation

I used to hate meditation, but with time, practice and experience I’ve come to really realize the transformation that can come by having a daily meditation practice.  Meditation helps us quiet, as Buddhists like to say, our “monkey mind”, so, in other words, our worries, fears, anxieties, and other inner blocks.  By quieting down these internal stressors, it is then easier for us to open up to feelings of happiness, love, and peace.

It doesn’t matter if you do Transcendental Meditation (TM), Kundalini meditation, guided visualizations, a movement-focused kind of meditation, or whatever, you will be able to reap benefits with a regular daily practice. 

So “shop around” and try out different kinds to get a better sense of what will work best for you right now.  You can get started today with my guided visualization meditation Healing Blocks to Love for free.  Plus, when you sign up to get a copy you’ll also eventually receive one of my movement-focused meditations to try out and also learn more about my meditation album Ignite Love from Within: Meditations for Creating Relationships and a Life Filled with Love. 

#2 – Emotional Freedom Technique

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is like a blend of neuroscience and acupressure.  The process involves tapping points on the body while making statements about your past trauma, anxiety, fear, stress, or internal block.

You can get started with EFT by finding a therapist or practitioner that is certified to teach it.  You can also learn more by picking up a copy of The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner.  There are also plenty of YouTube videos out there with people teaching how to go through the points for whatever ailment you’d like to tap on.

#3 – Prayer

Regardless of your religious/spiritual beliefs, prayer can be a very beneficial tool to help heal us from our own internal blocks.  After all, there is a reason that prayer is used in 12-step meetings!

So start a daily practice of asking the Universe, Spirit, the Divine, God or whatever to help you release you from whatever it is that you are struggling with internally. 

If you’re struggling with credit card debt you may say a prayer like, “Spirit of the highest truth and compassion, I surrender my debts to you.  Please help me to purchase only what is in my highest good and in the highest good of all”.  One of my new favorite books on prayer is Marianne Williamson’s Illuminata.  So if you’re looking for some inspiration or guidance on prayer, check it out.

In closing, the path of trying to find happiness in “buying stuff” can be a long, difficult and very stressful journey, so remember this:  What you desire to experience or feel in this world already exists within you. You just have to put forth the effort to get out of your own way to allow the change to occur.  And with time, effort, and practice, the results will be nothing short of miraculous.

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What you desire to experience or feel in this world already exists within you. via @jenilyn8705

Take action now!

Out of the 3 things I listed above — meditation, EFT, and prayer — what are you going to start doing today?  Share it in the comments below!

You Don’t Have to “Figure Yourself Out” Before You Can Love Someone Else

I’ve seen this scenario multiple times.

Girl is having problems with relationship with guy. 

Girl goes to her friends for relationship advice… over… and over… and over again.

Girl’s friends eventually start saying, “Maybe you should spend some time just trying to figure yourself out right now instead of this relationship”.

I’ve been that friend and I’ve been that girl.  And while I think that it can be a helpful thing to do sometimes in certain situations, I really don’t think it’s an absolute must-do in all situations.

A while back I was listening to a talk by one of my teachers Marianne Williamson and it was the Q&A portion of the talk.  A man had come up and asked her a question about his current relationship problems.  He had been with this woman for a while now and they had a kid together but he couldn’t figure out how to work out the problems. 

He ended sharing his story by implying that he’s been thinking about leaving so he can “figure himself out”.

Now, I love Marianne because she can be very blunt at times.  She quickly responded, “Whoever said that you need to ‘figure yourself out’ before being in a relationship?!”  She then elaborated on why it isn’t a good idea to just leave so he can ‘figure himself out’.

While breaking away from the relationship to “figure yourself out” may sound like a good idea — it’s not going to really help the one thing you’d be trying to save: The relationship itself.  Why?  Because you’d be abandoning the other person as a result.  You’d essentially be choosing to end the relationship at that moment in order to “figure yourself out” and — frankly — you’re not really choosing to love the other person if you think it’d be anything otherwise.

Here’s a few realities about loving other people:

#1 – Love is a choice

It’s been a while since I’ve brought up this idea in an article, but I’ve always found that understanding this basic idea is crucial to having a happy, healthy and loving relationship.

Love isn’t a feeling, because feelings are ever changing and they come and go.  Rather, love is something that we choose to do.  It’s a mindset that we make the conscious effort to try and have every single day… that’s how we can create truly loving relationships.

#2 – To love someone means that you are choosing to grow together

To be in a relationship with someone means that the two of you are going to grow and evolve together.  Really, its the ultimate purpose of the relationship.  It’s about our own soul’s growth and evolution and how it evolves, grows, and learns with another.

To think that we can grow a lot while being completely on our own is pretty limited.  There are always more ideas, thoughts, and experiences that we are going to learn while in relationship with another human being.

#3 – It’s not about what we are getting but about what we are giving

One of the discrepancies that can come up in our relationships is our own thinking of what is is that we are “not getting” from the other person versus what we are, in fact, “giving”.  We may be stuck in a habit of thinking things like, “Well I’m not getting as much support as I’d like”, “I’m doing more of X than he is”, and so on. 

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is completely focused on the other person and what they are doing rather than ourselves.  Its shows a desire to want to control the other person, rather than to be accountable for ourselves and to fully stand in our own power.

I’ve said it before in many other articles and I’ll say it again: It’s all about the energy that we are bringing to our relationships that can really determine their success.  Are you in this relationship full of fear — scared of being vulnerable and fearful of rejection?  Or are you going into this relationship filled with love— peaceful, confident and with an open heart?

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Click to Tweet: The energy that we are bringing to our relationships can really determine their success. via @jenilyn8705

There are many ways that we can shift our own energy from fear to love, but one of the ways is through meditation, which is why I’ve created my new meditation album Ignite Love from Within.  To learn more about my new album and to receive a free meditation from the album called Healing Blocks to Love, click here.

Now — all of this being said — this doesn’t all mean that breaking up and spending some time being single shouldn’t be an option.  There are of course situations where ending the relationship may be necessary.  Maybe you’ve felt like the two of you have been growing apart or that you both have different dreams and goals in life. 

If that’s the case, it isn’t a time to end things “for a while” to “figure yourself out”.  Rather, it’s a just a time to just end it — as that would be the most loving thing to do for both yourself and the other person no matter how painful it may be.

Ultimately, remember this: “Figuring yourself out” is, realistically, a lifelong journey and it is totally and completely unrealistic to think that you’d be able to do it in a few months or years.  We figure ourselves out by living, by being in relationships with others, and by striving to bring love into our lives.

So take the risk and dive in to your relationships.  After all, the only way we can really learn is with time, effort, and practice.

The Real Reason You Try So Hard to Be Perfect

There have been several periods in my life where I have found myself caught on the perfectionism train and unable to get off.

  • That one college relationship where I desperately tried to be the perfect girlfriend who never complained or had any problems.
  • That flute solo that I practiced over and over again back in high school because I wanted to be absolutely perfect.
  • That first class that I had to teach as a student teacher where I prepared a ton of extra material for to be sure I had enough (the material ended up actually covering 3 or 4 classes).

We all find ourselves in these kind of situations at some point in various different aspects of our lives.  Though perfectionism can seem like a good thing to strive for at times (I mean, it was beneficial that I over prepared for my first class because then I had work done early!), the reality is that often times striving for perfectionism is what actually holds us back from moving forward.

Allow me to explain…

Let’s say that for example you have a research paper to write for school.  You want everything to be perfect, so you keep looking up and reading more sources to reference in the paper in order to make sure you have explained and referenced everything perfectly (*Raises hand!* I’ve done this all the freaking time, btw).  Because you are striving write your paper perfectly, you end up wasting time thinking about how and what to write rather than actually doing it.  Pretty soon it’s the night before the paper is due and you’re still up at 2 AM still writing.

Sound familiar?  I thought it would.

We tend to do this whenever it comes to our own personal development as well.  We may want to improve our relationships, so we start reading book after book about how to create a relationship filled with love and fulfillment.  Pretty soon, we find ourselves only reading and attending workshops on relationships in order to become better, but we never actually date.  We are so immersed in becoming perfect in our knowledge about relationships in hopes to avoid any further emotional pain that we forget about the absolute best way to learn: real-life experience.

The reality is that when we find ourselves stuck on the perfectionism train, we actually aren’t on the path to reaching any kind of “perfection” at all.  Instead, we are merely terrified about failure.  We are scared to be disappointed.  We are scared to be hurt again.

When we are striving for perfectionism, it’s our inner “I’m not good enough” complex coming to the surface.  It’s our inner dialogue telling ourselves that we are not worthy and that we are incapable of success, love, happiness, or whatever it is that we desire to have at that point in time.  We’ve forgotten that we are, in fact, good enough as we are and that we are still loved and accepted by the universe whether we mess up or not.

The reality is that we can only truly learn, grow, and become better if we hop off the perfectionism train and just act.

When we act, we give ourselves the opportunity to truly come closer to our heart’s desires.  By acting, we can begin to really embody what it is that we wish to be in life.

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So what should we do if we find ourselves stuck on our perfectionism train?

For starters, remember that it is still important to do your homework.  Meaning, if you have a paper for school do and you need to do some research on it, then go ahead and do the research.  If you feel the need to read some books on relationships, then do it.  Go ahead and do the extra work that you feel need to do because just winging it completely isn’t necessarily going to help matters anyway.  My point, however, is to be mindful about getting too immersed in just studying and never doing.

Second, just do it.  So if you want to get some real-life relationship experience to figure out how to be better in relationships, then get yourself out there!  Go out with friends.  Follow through with the date you were asked out on.  If you want to write, then sit yourself in front of a pen and paper.  Ask yourself: How can I put myself in a place that is going to force me to act?  Then do it!

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that the universe is here to support you no matter what.  If you make a mistake or not, the universe still supports you and loves you on your journey.  If you mess up and if someone criticizes you or hurts your feelings, tomorrow always brings another day filled with endless new opportunities and lessons to nurture you and help you become whole.

Take action now!

Ask yourself: How has my perfectionism been holding me back from truly moving forward in an area of my life?  Once you identify how you have been holding yourself back, ask yourself: What can you do today to start busting your perfectionism?