Tag Archives: anxiety

It’s Not Up to You to “Figure it All Out”

It always seems that when a chapter of my life is soon coming to a close that it’s easy and natural for me to get caught up in the whole thinking of: What am I going to do next in my life?

It happened when I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree.  It happened when I chose to not renew my teaching contract while I was living in Korea.  And it has started happening again recently upon knowing that, in less than a year, I’ll have my Master’s degree.

The thought patterns have often gone something like this:

Where I am going to live?

If I want to move, where should I potentially move to?

What kind of work could I find there?

Should I do X or Y kind of work?

If I do X kind of work, will the salary be enough to pay bills?

What if I need a new car?

Etc. etc. etc.

The questions could go on and on forever.

While finishing a chapter in our lives can be very exciting — the end of a degree program, a job, or a relationship — it can also bring up a lot of stuff.

When a chapter of our lives ends, we then find ourselves at a crossroad.  So I turn right or left?  So I take A or B?  Or, should I not choose any of those and turn around and go right back where I was?

We now find ourselves in un-charted territory.  It’s new.  It’s unfamiliar.  We haven’t been through it before nor do we know where this new journey might take us.

And, due to the unfamiliarly, it can be pretty darn anxiety-provoking.  We fear that something will go wrong and we won’t be able to make ends meet.  We worry that we may take the job and then absolutely hate it — or the career path entirely flops for us.

As a result of this fear that, somehow, everything is going to go completely wrong, we decide that, maybe, we can just plan everything.

So we create to-do lists.  We set goals.  We create our vision boards for a dreams for the future and we make our 10-year plan.

But you know what happens then?  And I can vouch that this has happened to me every single time that I have tried to set any kind of long-term goal.

Life happens.  And the goals completely change.

Why?  Because it’s not up to me. It’s up to a power so much greater than me.

When we’re caught up in fear and worry, we start to over-analyze everything, and we try to plan and control everything in our lives, then that’s the voice of our ego, our monkey mind, our fear-based mind.

Our ego mind is limited.  It makes us see the world and the universe with lack and it believes that we are not supported.  And it drains our energy, our life-force, our power.  According to A Course in Miracles, the presence of fear is a sign that you are relying in your own strength.

So when we are in fear, worry, and stress because we’re pushing ourselves to figure out what we need to do next in our lives, all it does it create more stress, more worry, and more fear.

In the grand scheme of things, it makes us unhappy.  It keeps us in a place of suffering because it keeps us completely disconnected from our inner guidance and our true selves.  It makes us believe that we are not supported and that we only have ourselves to rely on to “figure it all out”.

But you know what?  You don’t have to figure it all out.  In fact, you’re one and only job is to let it all go.  Release the fear.  Release the worry.  Release the anxiety.  Then give those fears to a power greater than you — in whatever way you like to call it, whether that be Source, the Universe, the Divine, God or whatever.  Give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported.

FearGiveSupported

Click to Tweet: When you are fearful, give it to a power greater than you and trust and know that you are supported. @jenilyn8705 

Then once you do that, be still.  Quiet the mind.  Breathe.  Meditate.  Allow the beauty of the present moment to wash over you. Feel your body sitting.  Feel the air around you.  Hear the sounds around you in this moment.

Notice your inner mind chatter.  Observe it, but don’t attach to it.  Recognize it as fear and only fear, as the thoughts are not of your higher self, but wounded parts of yourself.  Love them and let them pass.

Continue to breathe.

And then slowly and gradually, the mind chatter will subside.  It may not completely go away, but it will become quieter.  In the stillness of the moment, trust that guidance for your next right action is coming.  It may come in the form of a thought, a feeling, a sensation, or maybe even through something in your external world, like through a friend, family member, co-worker, e-mail, magazine or whatever.

Regardless, be open and receptive.  Exhale and remember: It’s not up to you to figure it all out.

3 Tips to Find Stress Relief Daily

When many of us are working 9 to 5 jobs and doing other activities on top of that, like taking some classes, doing some extra part-time work, raising kids, or whatever, it’s pretty darn easy to get stressed out.

But, despite how busy we may be, being able to find stress relief is not something that we have no control over.  Creating and maintaining a solid self-care practice can help us go from a stressed out mess to peaceful and going with the flow. 

Here are 3 tips that you can start implementing into your life right now to help you find stress relief daily:

#1 – Meditate at least once daily.

Starting the habit of meditating every day has been such a game changer for me when it comes to managing stress.  I’ve managed to not only feel less susceptible to stress, but I’ve also found myself experiencing even more feelings of joy, gratitude, and happiness.

Making the goal to meditate every day can be quite intimidating at first, especially if you’ve never done it before (I know I was!) but it doesn’t have to be that difficult.  Just as little as 3 minutes a day (or even 1 minute!) can really make a difference.

You can start off by sitting in a chair or on the floor with your back straight and to simply focus on your breath.  You can count your breath and breath in for 3 and exhale for 5. 

Another option could be to say a mantra to yourself.  A very basic mantra could be “So hum”, meaning “I am that”.  That you can repeat to yourself as you breathe, with the “so” on the inhale and “hum” on the exhale.

When doing a mantra, you’re going to notice a lot of thoughts from your “monkey mind” popping up.  When you catch yourself getting distracted by the thoughts, then simply go back to the mantra the second you notice. 

Remember that having the thoughts is normal and part of the process.  The thoughts come up so that you can process them and let them go.  You’re still going to benefit from the meditation whether you have the thoughts or not.  This is very important to remember because I think I a lot of beginners can get hard on themselves for it (including myself), so remember that it’s normal.

Finally, if you don’t like those types of meditations you could also do a guided visualization type of meditation as well.  There are many people out there with copies of guided meditations, myself included.  So if you would like to go that route, grab a copy of my Self and Relationship Healing Meditation if you haven’t yet and get meditating!

#2 – Start each day with an intention to let it all go. 

That person that cut you off on the way to work?  Let it go.  That very traumatic story that someone told you?  Let it go.  That person who yelled at you and flipped you the bird?  Let it go.

By holding on to the things that have happened to us we create this inner distress and tension within ourselves.  This doesn’t serve us and it only causes us unnecessary suffering.

One of the keys I think in letting go regularly is to live every day remembering this one main concept: If it isn’t happening, right here, right now in this very present moment then it doesn’t matter.

StressReliefPresentMoment

Click to Tweet: If it isn’t happening, right here, right now in this present moment then it doesn’t really matter. via @jenilyn8705

It doesn’t matter that you couldn’t get out of your parking job 2 hours ago, because that was 2 hours ago.  It doesn’t matter that you dropped a jar of spaghetti sauce walking out of the grocery store because that was 20 minutes ago.  And it doesn’t even matter that you need to call your doctor about some test results on Monday because it’s currently Friday night you won’t be able to do it until then anyway.

When we shift our mindsets to focusing on present moment, we can let go of all the stuff we think we have to stress about now — but it truly doesn’t matter in this very moment.

#3 – Move it!

Sometimes stressful things happen that shift us into “fight or flight” mode and it can throw us off for the entire day if we don’t know how to deal with it.

Let me let you in on something when it comes to fight or flight: We all experience it — and I don’t mean just humans, but animals too. 

Have you ever seen two ducks get into a fight?  They’ll beat on each other.  Maybe even look like the one is going to actually kill the other.  But, eventually, they break away.  They go separate ways and fly or maybe flap their wings rigorously a few times and then they’re back to floating around on the water all peacefully, calm and content.

They don’t think about how that other duck pissed them off 2 hours after the fact or the one doesn’t try to “get back” at the other in some way.  They just let it go and get back to their own business.

If you really stop and watch sometime (which I encourage you to do), all animals do this in their own unique ways.  But there’s something you’ll notice across the board:  They all move.

So when someone upsets you, pisses you off, or gets you all worked up then be sure to move.  Take a walk.  Jump around.  Flap your arms.  Stomp your feet.  Do whatever it is that you feel can help you let go of all that tension in your body.

Take action now!

Out of the three tips I’ve listed above, which one are you going to start doing today?  Share it in the comments below!

3 Things To Do When You’re Scared To Date Again

A few years ago, I went through a very challenging relationship with a guy that I was dating for only 4 months while living abroad.

This difficult relationship then left me in this state of uncertainty, disappointment, and distrust (somewhat of others, but mostly of myself).

The extremely high levels of stress and challenges from the year before, paired with a lot of culture shocks, had simply worn me down into a state of just feeling completely lost and uncertain of myself.  I didn’t have a lot of faith and trust in my own abilities.  I feared going into any kind of new relationship because I felt like, no matter how hard I’d try, I was just going to find myself in another sh**ty relationship situation.

If a new relationship opportunity arose, I’d experience a lot of worry over doing something wrong early on that would then put me on the train once again to stress, disappointment, and feeling exhausted.  I feared that my old behavior patterns were simply out of my control and that I was unable to really truly change them in the way that I would need to in order to truly be happy and to experience genuine love.

I didn’t trust myself.  I didn’t believe in my own abilities — and, most of all — I didn’t believe I deserved it.  I didn’t believe that I deserved happy, fulfilling, and loving relationships.

You see, for those of us who have been disappointed a lot in relationships so much to a point that we are scared to date again, the problem isn’t necessarily that we are scared of getting hurt again or even that we don’t have faith in our own abilities.  The problem is that we don’t believe that we are worthy.  We are blind at fully seeing the abilities of creating the love, happiness, and fulfillment that we truly desire that are buried deep within us.  We struggle to fully realize all the miraculous things that we are able to have.

So here are 3 things that we can do to break us free from this fear to open our hearts again to a new relationship:

Admit to yourself (and the universe) what you really truly want.

The problem is that when we have experience a lot of heartbreak and disappointment from our relationships, we try to convince ourselves (and the world) that we don’t really want a supportive and loving relationship.  We do this because when we acknowledge it we also have to acknowledge our pain and disappointment.  It’s easier to just ignore the whole thing and stuff those emotions deep within our being.

The reality, however, is that repressing those desires cause more pain then good.  So what we have to do admit that we really truly do want an amazing relationship filled with love.

We can acknowledge our true desires by simply writing our deepest relationships desires down in a journal.  We can also make an offering or intention.  For instance, for myself I was traveling in Japan at the time when I finally admitted to myself that I really wanted love.  So I lit a candle for love while at a temple that I was visiting.  You can do this as well on your own with a candle, incense, by leaving a flower out in nature, or whatever else that you wish.

Believe in your own abilities.

One of the biggest things is to realize that we our in control with what happens to us in our lives.  This ability to have control over our lives isn’t meant to be seen as intimidating or as something to worry about either, but as empowering.  It’s a matter of knowing that we have the power to transform our lives and manifest whatever it is that our heart’s desire if we truly believe that we can.

Of course, we have to be easy on ourselves and understand that there is always a learning curve.  We will always experience challenges along the way that will encourage us to grow, change and evolve.  But the key here is to allow ourselves to be excited and inspired by these challenges for growth rather than to be worn down.  Use the challenge as fuel for your inner fire rather than by dumping water filled with fear on it.

scared to date

Connect to your inner miracle worker.

In order to really have the love that you desire, you can do a combination of things.  For one, you can begin doing a daily affirmation every morning and night where you say out loud to yourself several times something like, “I am attracting the love that I desire into my life”,  “I am attracting the perfect partner”, or “I am unconditional love”.

Another option (which is also the one that I enjoy so much more) is to do a guided meditation where you visualize yourself connecting to love.  In the meditation, you can calm down and focus deeply on the breath.  As you breath, begin to envision yourself becoming surrounded by this comforting and loving sparkling white light, you begin to breath in the white light with each in breath, and exhale it out through your heart.  As you continue to breath, you become a part of this loving white light more and more.

Do this meditation on a daily basis in order to get re-centered and connect to the love that you desire to experience in your life.

Create the love that you desire in your life!

In the comments below, share what it is that you desire to experience in your relationships.  Deep down in your heart, what is it that would just make your heart soar?