Tag Archives: angry

Releasing Resentments and Opening Up to Love

A while back I found myself in a not-so-happy place for a few days.

My work at my counseling job was extra stressful, I had multiple things at home that needed to be done that weren’t, and my boyfriend and I weren’t quite understanding each other with certain things.

For the most part, this wasn’t really bothering me that much until a few situations at work happened and I found myself in argument with my boyfriend.  It was then that I found myself all pent up with anger and resentment towards my boyfriend and certain people for several days.  I just couldn’t find a way to shake it.

It was kind of a weird experience for me, as this was the first time in a long time that I found myself stuck in a state of resentment. I had been discussing conflicts in my personal and professional life as they arose in therapy for a few months.  Though I would feel hurt, I was always somehow able to let it go.

But this time, resentment was totally there and nothing was shaking it.  I was mad — and there was a part of me that was determined to not let it go without hearing a very sincere apology from a few people.

After about a day or so, I realized that, realistically, I was never going to get a full apology.  And, despite this realization, my resentment was still there.  If anything it made me even more angry.

As a result, I turned to meditation.  It had been treating me well for my overall well-being, and though I wasn’t sure how it was really going to help me with this whole resentment thing, I figured I’d try it out.

That late morning, I looked on my phone and dug out a guided meditation that was focused on forgiveness.  The meditation involved envisioning the person that you want to forgive and then stating the intention in your mind multiple times that you are willing to forgive them and release them from your resentments.  The meditation then concluded with envisioning yourself and the person being engulfed by this white light of love.

So I sat down, put in my earbuds, and started the guided meditation.  I went through the visualizations and started reciting the intentions to forgive in my mind multiple times.

As I was doing the guided meditation I found myself still completely engulfed in feelings of resentment.

Thoughts of “Agh that jerk was so mean” and “How can I ever forgive them?” ran through my mind.  This all then followed up with a thought of “How can this meditation possibly be working if I’m still feeling this resentful and angry while doing the meditation?  I really don’t see how this is going to work.”

When the meditation ended I didn’t even think about it again — my meditation experience, the people that angered me, and the things I was resentful for.  I just dropped it all right there and got back to doing what I had been doing before I meditated.

Later that afternoon I found myself with several pleasant surprises.  My counseling clients were surprisingly upbeat, happy and enjoying life — which, for some, was the total opposite of how they normally were in our sessions.  My co-workers were all pleasant and not even remotely stressed, through my perception.

And, finally, when I saw my boyfriend we hugged each other and talked as if no conflicts had ever happened between us in the past few days.  We were both open, compassionate, and loving toward each other.

It was then that I stopped for a moment and checked in with myself.  I felt no resentment at all — Nadda!  Zilch!

I was happy, content, peaceful, and open to receiving and experiencing love.

Somehow — without any logical explanation whatsoever — the meditation worked!

Whenever the words “forgiveness” or “letting go” comes up, we often think of it as being such a difficult and challenging thing.  “I don’t know how to do that” or “That’s hard to do” are often thoughts that come in our minds.

But the truth is, forgiveness doesn’t have to be complicated — nor does releasing our anger and resentments have to be complicated.

What it ultimately boils down to is our willingness release it and heal.

We are able to forgive and open ourselves to love when we make the intention to forgive, let it go, and heal.

It is through our intention — not our thought processes — that healing can occur.

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Click to Tweet: It is through our intention — not our thought processes — that healing can occur. via @jenilyn8705

The reason many of us can find ourselves struggling to forgive is because we get all caught up in our mind chatter or ego.  We keep the recording of all the bad things someone did to us playing in our minds on repeat.  All the things they said, all the things they did, and how they didn’t make us happy because of X.

This mind chatter keeps us in a place of suffering and it makes us think that forgiveness has to be long and difficult process — but doesn’t have to be.  All we have to do is to have the intention and willingness to truly forgive.  Once we make the intention and are open and willing, the rest will take care of itself.

So if you are struggling to forgive someone and let go, simply make the intention despite all that mind chatter.  Then trust that through that intention you will be freed of your resentments and opened up to love.

In the comments below, share with me one person that you are feeling resentful towards.  Then make the intention to let it go! 🙂

It’s Okay to Be Angry

In the past few weeks, I’ve found myself experiencing some spouts of irritation.  I kept finding myself with more and more things that I had to do, but with less and less motivation to do any of it.

The demands of my other part-time job, the demands of schoolwork, and other demands were causing this built up irritation.

It was very difficult to admit to this irritation because, logically and rationally, everything that I was doing was right.  I was doing the things that I needed to do that would, theoretically, help me grow and achieve my goals.

When I’d paint the picture logically, it’d flow perfectly and make sense.  I mean, I was doing things that could help my own personal development and growth, so how can I not like that?

This would then lead to thoughts of, “Oh but maybe if I’m resisting all of this so much then that means that I need to work on that more, right?  I mean, that is what can happen during some personal and spiritual development activities.”

I’d talk myself out of my own feelings because they seemed so out of place to where everyone else was.  So I’d simply go along with it and only express my frustrations vaguely to a few select people in fear that my irritation was somehow “wrong”.

But the truth is that honestly, I was pissed off.  I hated it.  I hated doing all these things that I was being told to do.  “Their” way didn’t gel with me.  Something was off and I was feeling like the alien because I felt like I was definitely not doing the same kind of process that everyone else was.  I just wanted to do my own thing, in my own way, in my own unique process.

The fact that I simply felt like I couldn’t really do things in my own unique way and in my own unique time pissed me off.  I felt trapped and I hated that feeling so incredibly much.

This was so incredibly hard to admit to myself because, I mean, how can I really be angry over something that I, first of all, not only chose to do but, second of all, it supposed to help me?

It was kind of like one of my earlier experiences where I found myself angry at a therapist (or two) of mine during my undergrad.  I was very irritated and angry from working with her, but I had told myself to simply go along with it because “she’s qualified to be helping me”.

Needless to say, trying to convince myself that it’s okay and to ignore my own frustrations just caused more harm then good.

Though we may not like our own anger or feel that, for some reason, it is not okay to be angry, pissed off, or hate something, the truth is that our anger can be the key to truly discovering the desires of our heart.  It is by acknowledging our anger that helps us to see what it is that our soul is calling us to do so that we can take proper action and move forward.

Allowing ourselves to feel our own anger and irritation can be the key to discovering what it is that our intuition is guiding for us to do next.  If we allow ourselves to simply be mad and then take personal responsibility for it by taking action to help release that anger, then we allow ourselves to progress and move forward.

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So how can we acknowledge and release our anger so that we can become more in-line with our soul’s true calling?

Acknowledge and accept that you are angry.

Many times if we are angry and aren’t acknowledging it it is because we’re telling ourselves some mental dialogue that it is not okay to be angry.  Either to not express it or to simply allow ourselves to feel it for this person or situation.

If you aren’t really sure if you are angry or not, you can do one or two things:

Check in with your body.  Are you feeling a lot of extra tension?  Do you feel kind of agitated in the body?  If so, it could be representing some kind of anger.

Recognize the words you are using to describe your experience.  Are you just saying that you’re stressed?  Are you saying that your frustrated?  Sometimes we can use these words to describe our experience even though, deep down, we’re honestly just angry.

Allow yourself to really feel it and let it out.

Know that it’s okay to just vent your frustrations to others.  It doesn’t make you a bad person to let it out.

Also, know that if there is any physical action that you can do to help release it then let that happen as well.  Need to punch something?  Punch a pillow.  Feel the need to cry?  Then just let yourself cry it all out.

Accept what it is that you need to do to move forward and then do it!

Are you angry at your job and it has helped you realize that you need to quit?  Then do it.  Are you angry at your partner or a friend for something they did?  Then talk about it to make your frustrations known.

Take action now!

Have you found yourself angry about something lately?  Make note of what it was and then ask yourself, “What do I need to do to help process this and move forward?”  Share any of your thoughts below!